Author Topic: Quick funeral attire question (or, help needed)  (Read 605 times)

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stitchygreyanonymouse

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Quick funeral attire question (or, help needed)
« on: December 20, 2012, 11:57:16 AM »
This isn’t so much etiquette (wear something appropriate, the best you have), so I thought here would be a good place.

We have a wake to attend tomorrow night, about 3 hours away from home (Afterwards or Sat. morn we are setting off on an 18 hour drive to my hometown—important only because we have yet to pack and such, so time is valuable). 

I’m all set—I have my "funeral dress", but SO is a bit tougher and is fashion clueless. He hasn’t had to attend a funeral for a few years, and had better options for clothes back then that haven’t been replaced as they’ve worn out.

Do you think dress khakis and a black striped button down shirt are sufficient? They are his typical work clothes for when clients meetings are scheduled—he lives in jeans and company polos or t-shirts the rest of the time. It took forever to find, but these pants fit him amazingly (try finding a true 29x36 without vanity sizing).

The alternative is that he has two suits, neither of which have properly fitting jackets—one is a bit more tux-like with too-short arms, and the other looks like he’s playing dress up with his overweight dad’s suit rather than one tailored for him. He could wear the pants, though.

One pair are black. Those would work, but we’d have to go buy a shirt tonight, as he doesn’t have one that will work with them (Note that it is hard to fit him; he’s tall and lanky, plus we still have to pack for our trip and have to leave for wake right after work tomorrow—we can’t take more time off, since we have the next week and a half off already. We can technically afford it, but it would be painful). His button-down clashes blacks.

The other pair are grey, slightly too short but not high-waters (they belong with the 'dad' jacket and believe it or not, the suit was supposedly tailored for him. The tailor must have been blind) . The black striped button-down he has will work, but slightly clashes, and may look less formal with the nice pants (it’s hard to explain, but it looks really nice with khakis for business, not so much with wool pants).

What would you suggest he wear? I may be over thinking this, as I’m already frazzled with work and our trip, and worrying about impressions as I’ve not met most of his family that will be in attendance.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Quick funeral attire question (or, help needed)
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2012, 12:02:27 PM »
Not sure what your finances are like, but can you pick up a cheap dark grey sports coat from Target or Walmart?  It'll finish off the look for him. 

I think you are fine with your dress option

Oh Joy

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Re: Quick funeral attire question (or, help needed)
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2012, 12:05:58 PM »
I think the khakis and striped shirt are fine.  Clean, respectable, and well-fitting.

In his shoes, I would either:
1) Go right at the beginning so you're coming 'from work' and therefore understood to be in work clothes, or
2) Take time to freshly shower and shave and put the clean and pressed clothes on before the wake so you look like you intentionally dressed with consideration.

So sorry for your loss, and best wishes on preparing for your travel.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Quick funeral attire question (or, help needed)
« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2012, 01:13:58 PM »
I think the khakis and black shirt will be fine.  I find the dress code at funerals much more relaxed than it used to be.  As long as one is dressed neatly and cleanly, in muted colours, you're fine.

The only time I think you need to be more dressed up is if you are speaking or a pall bearer or otherwise active during the service.
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MrTango

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Re: Quick funeral attire question (or, help needed)
« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2012, 01:26:38 PM »
Personally, I'd go with black pants instead of Khakis.

Does he have a tie that matches?  If so, I'd suggest wearing that also.  Here's a great website that demonstrates how to tie various knots: www.tie-a-tie.net

stitchygreyanonymouse

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Re: Quick funeral attire question (or, help needed)
« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2012, 06:02:56 PM »
Thank you all. I think I am just flipping out more than normal, feeling rushed.

I caught a break today with a work-sponsored and paid lunch (and bonus check handout) for the holidays, so was able to use my normal lunch break to run out and buy a nice shirt and tie to go with his black pants. I think my brain is just set on him needing something nicer than khakis, even if he has worn them to my family funerals (but, my family members aren’t really suit types—his are). Plus, he really does need another button-down (and the store was having a BOGO sale, so double win).

ETA that my office didn’t announce the lunch until the food was here, after I made my post this morning