Facebook Photo Etiquette

[Celany]

Hello All!

Long time no see! I've been lurking for awhile, but life has gotten quite busy, so I've been navigating the perils of civilized living mostly on my own.  Something has recently come up that I'd like to get some advice on.

I've been posting a huge number of photos on FB for the past few years. It's a hobby (and a nice way to make sure some record will be retained, in case of fire and/or natural disaster). Some of them are grandparents (and great-grandparents) from the 1920s-1950s, up to recent-history photos from the 1990s & 2000s. I have a bunch of photos from my (late) Grandma's 90th birthday(from the late 2000s) that I'd like to post. Some of these photos have my cousin Mark in them.

Mark is in my parent's generation. He died about a year ago. I went to school with his four kids. Three of them are nowhere near my age group, & I don't know them well. His daughter, Amelie was a year ahead of me. She's the only one that I have had any kind of relationship with. We were friendly as kids, but once we hit school, she was very mean girls, & picked on me a lot. I got over it years ago, but needless to say, haven't had more than fake-friendly chit-chat with her in decades.

Anyways, I think that Amelie (and her mom) will be thrilled with the photos. I know they miss Mark a lot, & I think they'll be really excited at new photos (if they're not, I will, of course, remove them). 

As Amelie & her mom aren't in the photos, there won't be any tags to direct them to the photos. So what I was wondering is, given that Mark has died (and relatively recently), it is correct to write on Amelie & her mom's wall (or send them a private message) and let them know that I've put the photos up? Should I message them before I put the photos up?

I don't have any other contact info of theirs, and I only see them at larger family gatherings, so FB is the only way I have to contact them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[PastryGoddess]

You can tag them on the photos so they will see them on their wall.  They will get a message that someone has tagged them in a photo. 

[WillyNilly]

You can tag them on the photos so they will see them on their wall.  They will get a message that someone has tagged them in a photo.

That's the way my friends & family do it - we simply tag the relevant people to the photo, not necessarily who was in the photo, but the people who would want the photo included in their photo collection on their page.

[Celany]

I'll tag them then, but should I give them a heads up first? I'm just wondering if it'd be good to give them a written heads up before they see the photos.

[stitchygreyanonymouse]

I would give them a heads up and not tag them.

But, I’m of the opinion that people should only tag me if I’m in the photo (and I have my settings such that I have to approve of all tags).

Other people don’t mind being tagged in photos of their kids or grandkids or whatever. I try to err on the side of not tagging in case they share my distaste of it.

[crella]

I think too, that I' write them a note and not tag. They'd get a 'You've been tagged in Celany's photo', follow the tag and *boom* there you are. If it's someone lost recently it might be jarring.

[ClaireC79]

Why don't you tag them in the message below the photo? (and other family members who also may be interested in those photos as Grandma's 90th etc)

[FadingAmaranth]

A relative of mine just passed away a few months ago, so recently with the holidays we've been doing a lot of things that involve memorials to her and such. I always take pictures at these and I always tag her daughter in the message of them so that they show up on her wall.

It makes it so she doesn't have to search for them, and with my settings, it allows other family members who aren't friends of mine to see the photo through her page. So you might want to consider that, it could be a way for the pictures to be available for more family to view (whether negative or positive is open to interpretation).

[kherbert05]

In my family we tag parents when the under 13 kids pictures are posted, and the adult kids when older generation who aren't on facebook have pictures posted. We choose a spot without a face and tag that with the name of the appropriate person.

[NotTheNarcissist]

I am anti-tag unless I or the actual person is in the photo.  In fact I untag myself immediately when someone tags a picture as me being in it & I'm not. I can't explain why - because I'm not sure I know 100% why - but I find tagging people in photos they are not in rude.

When compared against tagging, a FB message gently advising them the photos are uploaded is the best of those 2 options...  However, honestly, I find this could be a sensitive subject for them.... 1 yr is not that long ago.

For that reason I would be inclined to call or tell them in person. Admittedly I may be hyper-sensitive on this issue, but when it comes to something this personal, I feel it best to err on the side of caution.

[Mr NiceGuy]

I am also in the anti-tag group, for a few reasons:

1. I don't like logging in and seeing public photos that identify me without me first giving my permission.  (I also share the tactic of changing my settings so that tags do not become active until I give them a thumbs-up)

2. I don't like being tagged in photos that don't actually have me in them.

3. In this particular case, emotions will be raw and they should know ahead of time what they're going to see when they click (especially if they'll be under the impression that it will be a photo of themselves, not of a deceased loved one).

Another option that has not been mentioned yet is to go about creating the entire album but not tagging anyone.  When you go into the album you will see a link at the bottom that says something to the effect of, "To share this album with others just send them this link:  " "'

The wording on this changes a bit everytime facebook runs an update, but it's a nice permanent link to the photos that you could share with loved ones via an email, along with an explanation of what they're about to see so they're prepared.  I think it's very sweet of you to do though, and my girlfriend's mother is doing the same thing right now and receiving many thanks from her extended family!

[Hmmmmm]

Have you ever noticed the Facebook picture habits of Mark's family? Do they share photos via Facebook?  If they do and are pretty open with them I think you'd br fine loading them and sending a note that they are there.

If they are like me and dont want my world shared via social networks and try to limit photos on Facebook, I'd contact the wife and let her know you have the photos and would like to share them via Facebook with the family if she is okay with that.