Housewarming Invite that Makes Me Feel Less than Warm

[Sharnita]

See, I have been given two views of housewarming here.  In other threads it has been mentioned that people who don't get married  go to showers and provide bedding, towels, dishes, etc but never have that reciprocated.  ANd the response is that "they can always have a house warming".  In my mind, that has never seemed like a realistic answer because we don't really see a lot of that around here and certainly not housewarmings where people are provided with that kind of stuff.  However, that has always been offered as the "solution" or answer to the fact that singles don't have showers.  Yet here you are saying that people do throw their own housewarming and the gifts are pretty much token gifts. 

[nutraxfornerves]

My experience with housewarmings is that they are a sort of open house, held by the new homeowners. It's usually a weekend afternoon (daylight to show off the place better). Guests drop in any time during the specified hours and stay as long or short as they want.

There is some sort of help-yourself food and drink set out. It could just be punch, coffee, and cookies, but it's usually something more substantial.

Gifts are optional, but customary, and are usually small--although homeowners sometimes disagree with that premise.  Miss Manners once fielded a question about the best way to word the invitation to include the color themes of each room so people would buy stuff that fits in.

[peaches]

Housewarming and potluck don't go together. I've been to a few housewarmings. They are like an open house, the homeowners provide food and drink, people typically bring a small gift. In my experience, it's more of a casual drop-by affair, snacks are offered, not a big meal.

[bopper]

As far as the no shoes goes, I think that is reasonable, esp. since she let people know ahead of time.

As far as the potluck goes, then it is starting to get a bit iffy. Doesn't sound like they really want the housewarming, but are being pressured by people to see their house so they say "Hey, if you want to see the house, go ahead, but bring food". 

I think the thing to do for the OP is to say "I am so sorry, something has come up and we won't be able to make the housewarming party.  I would like to come by and see you another time. What day would be good?"