serve as a receptionist coordinator for a wedding? UPDATE #88!

[nonesuch4]

I've skimmed all four pages and am relieved you're not taking this on.

I helped cater a wedding this spring as a favor to a friend (bride was a friend of a friend.)  The wedding was about the same number of people, too.  At the end of eight hours, Bride's BFF and I were exhausted, and we still had to clean the venue, and prepare the rented dishes and silver to be returned.  The ice situation alone was a shambles, as there was nothing to put it in. 

I'm in favor of vague excuses. [I'm sorry, that's not possible]

Specific excuses generate specific rebuttals.

I agree you should call Cici and tell her to lose your number you will not be available to help.

[Minmom3]

I've skimmed all four pages and am relieved you're not taking this on.

I helped cater a wedding this spring as a favor to a friend (bride was a friend of a friend.)  The wedding was about the same number of people, too.  At the end of eight hours, Bride's BFF and I were exhausted, and we still had to clean the venue, and prepare the rented dishes and silver to be returned.  The ice situation alone was a shambles, as there was nothing to put it in. 

I'm in favor of vague excuses. [I'm sorry, that's not possible]

Specific excuses generate specific rebuttals.

I agree you should call Cici and tell her to lose your number you will not be available to help.

Snicker.  I wonder how many times Cici has heard that from somebody voluntold to DO something for the bride...  Bet OP wouldn't be the first to say it!

[RegionMom]

OP here, posting from android phone.

I called Mary Saturday afternoon, but she is sick and has a sore throat so could not talk.
I will try again after Christmas Day.  Have not told her anything.

Also, I do not have Cici's number.  I guess that is another red flag?  That Mary rambled reception duties and stories but never gave me a number?

The devil is in the details and if I am missing huge chunks of info already (payment, phone number, duty list) I can only imagine how crazy it would be as time goes on...

I will tell e-hell after I really talk with Mary.  Do not want to disturb her Christmas!

[LeveeWoman]

OP here, posting from android phone.

I called Mary Saturday afternoon, but she is sick and has a sore throat so could not talk.
I will try again after Christmas Day.  Have not told her anything.

Also, I do not have Cici's number.  I guess that is another red flag?  That Mary rambled reception duties and stories but never gave me a number?

The devil is in the details and if I am missing huge chunks of info already (payment, phone number, duty list) I can only imagine how crazy it would be as time goes on...

I will tell e-hell after I really talk with Mary.  Do not want to disturb her Christmas!

Can't you find the number in the phone book or on the Internet?

[RegionMom]

All I know is Cici's first name.  Not the name of the place she owns.

Like I said, Mary rambles.  I was so busy typing out what she was telling me that I was not truly listening and preparing questions.  I knew I would need to read over my notes.  Once I read them over, I wrote e-hell.
 
Best I could do is call the BBQ joint (a local chain, but I could figure the closet one I can guess based on the cross road intersection Mary told me the venue is near) and ask them the location of the March reception on this day at at 3pm.  I know the bride's last name, but not the groom's.  If they can tell me where it is, then I can look it up and call for Cici. 

I mean, yes, I can ask Mary, but with her being sick now and it so close till Christmas, I will wait a few days.

[SoCalVal]

Also, I do not have Cici's number.  I guess that is another red flag?  That Mary rambled reception duties and stories but never gave me a number?

To me, this is a HUGE red flag.  She can think to volunteer your name and remember to give you a list of duties that require the assistance of others, including that this venue has virtually no parking AND has wild animals close by, and she doesn't give you Cici's venue name, location or contact number???  Yeah, whether or not you reach Cici, the answer should remain "I'm afraid this won't be possible; contact a professional.  I will NOT be responding to any inquiries from Cici."  It's very considerate of you to not want to affect her Christmas, but, I gotta say, this reminds me of a Roseanne episode when Roseanne kept trying to call the mom of a kid who gave DJ (Roseanne's son) a dog.  The mom was oddly NEVER available for one reason or another.  I hope that, after Christmas, you lay your response on her, sick or not.

[JoyinVirginia]

The more you share the specifics, the more I can envision the owner CiCi talking to your friend, asking who us the coordinator because otherwise 1) there will be additional charge for each task her staff takes on or 2) showed your friend a list of planners who have worked with the venue before and recommended she pick one. Your friend may be trying to save money, or she may have been flustered at three prospect of interviewing and hiring a coordinator. After all, like your dh said, how hard can it be? That may be what friend was thinking when she blurted out your name.

[AmethystAnne]

The phrase "How hard can it be?" , is usually said by someone who won't be doing the task that is being discussed. I hate that phrase.

[humbleonion]

OP here, posting from android phone.

I called Mary Saturday afternoon, but she is sick and has a sore throat so could not talk.
I will try again after Christmas Day.  Have not told her anything.

Also, I do not have Cici's number.  I guess that is another red flag?  That Mary rambled reception duties and stories but never gave me a number?

The devil is in the details and if I am missing huge chunks of info already (payment, phone number, duty list) I can only imagine how crazy it would be as time goes on...

I will tell e-hell after I really talk with Mary.  Do not want to disturb her Christmas!

Well it sounds like that was the perfect time to tell her, since she couldn't try to talk you out of it! 

Good for you for deciding against this. It's in everyone's best interest, especially the bride's!

[Winterlight]

Also, I do not have Cici's number.  I guess that is another red flag?  That Mary rambled reception duties and stories but never gave me a number?

It's a semaphoring red flag in a chorus line! She could talk for 30 minutes and not give you something that basic? Very bad sign.

[lowspark]

Posting in agreement that you should decline this honor and also to see the updates.

I'd say something to the effect that although I'm honored that she asked me, I won't be able to accept the responsibility and suggest that a professional wedding coordinator might be more appropriate.

Keep it simple and don't make any excuses. Just thanks but no thanks in so many words.

[Sophia]

This sounds like a friendship ruining landmine

[Poppea]

I agree with all the other posters that wyou should not take on this "honor".  I am amused at how it was presented though.  If you break down the tasks:

Will you bring 150+ pounds of ice to a far location?  And run out for more if necessary?

Will you stay till the end of my party and then make sure its cleaned up, if not stay until the 2-3 am cleaning it?

Will you make sure the garbage is removed?  You may need to bring a pickup truck to ensure this happens.

Will you tell my guests to keep close in?  And corral their children.  I'm sure no one will be offended when you parent their kids.

Will you coordinate the carpooling?  This means you need to stay until the end and make a few round trips for the stray guests that missed their rides.

Will you tupperware the cake?  Make sure you completely empty your home fridge because I'm not going to answer your call the next day and will be too busy with relatives to pick up the cake right away. 

I(f she had asked just one or two of these items any sane person would have said no.  But by wrapping it up in a pretty "wedding coordinator" ribbon it becomes an honor.

I predict the MOB will plead with the OP to take the job because she cannot trust anyone else.

[blarg314]

I'm curious about what Mary did for previous weddings for her daughters? Because surely she knows what it takes to arrange a wedding reception for 150 people with a sit down dinner.

I think that if you're planning an event like this, and you're thinking of asking someone for a favour, it's worth considering

1) Is this favour in line with the kind of thing you'd normally ask that person for?

2) How important is it that the favour be done with a high level of competence? 

3) What would it cost to get a professional to do this job? Why does a professional charge this much?

So for 1), asking your sister to pick up the flowers the morning of the wedding is a reasonable request. Asking a casual friend to be your wedding coordinator is not. For 2) if having really good pictures is important to you, maybe getting your friend's kid who loves taking pictures to do all the photos is pretty risky. And for 3) if a professional wedding coordinator charges $3000 for the job, think hard about everything that's involved in the job, and how long it takes to do.

[mrkitty]

Region,

I'm so relieved to read that you are not going to do this. I am amazed and appalled that this lady had the nerve to ask a casual friend to volunteer her time, money and resources to this extent for someone she barely knows. It would be a heck of a lot to even ask a best friend or beloved, close family member - much less a friendly acquaintance. (!)

That said, I'm a little concerned that Mary might be avoiding your phone call, knowing that you're likely calling to back out. I think she knows exactly what she's asking of you, but she's hoping that you're going to be too nice to "let her down." As in - if she avoids you long enough (and avoids getting you in touch with Cici), it will be "too late" for you to decline, and since you're such a nice person, you'll just go ahead and do it for her.

I can see her coming from a mile away. Sure, she may be sick - but she doesn't have to talk - just listen. Heck, I had to go to the emergency room Christmas night with a sinus infection from the depths of Hades, but I still wasn't too sick to pick up the phone to find out the wait time. She can pick up the phone to hear you say "no." She just doesn't want to.

So, I strongly recommend that you avoid the phone call altogether, and email her a polite "I'm sorry, but it just won't be possible for me to coordinate your daughter's wedding. I couldn't get in touch with you by phone, so I wanted to make sure to let you know as soon as possible. I hope your daughter has a beautiful wedding and that you feel better soon. Best wishes, Region."

That way, you also have an email trail that you DID contact her by such-and-such date in case she wants to turn around and blame you for anything. I know it doesn't seem like she would, but trust me, I've seen it happen. The nicest people in the world can surprise you the most with their nastiness...I know from harsh experience that the one person I thought would never turn on me...did.

You can always make a follow-up phone call to ensure she got your message, of course. But in either case, I would strongly recommend that you send her something in writing, either via email or snail mail, just to cover your you-know-what.