Author Topic: angry at friends-what to say?  (Read 15358 times)

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Girlie

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #30 on: December 21, 2012, 02:50:07 PM »
Sorry, TurtleDove, it just read differently to me.  :)

I do apologize for the misunderstanding.

DottyG

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #31 on: December 21, 2012, 03:06:15 PM »
Quote
I would NEVER leave a friend alone like that, whether I was in New York or Podunk.

This.  And, while I realize that there may be some who can navigate on their own, I still wouldn't feel all that comfortable just letting them go in a strange neighborhood alone at that time of night.  They can be irritated with me for making sure they're safe, but I'd rather deal with a little irritation than a dead friend because I just let them go without helping them.


oceanus

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #32 on: December 21, 2012, 03:09:34 PM »
Quote
I would NEVER leave a friend alone like that, whether I was in New York or Podunk.

This.  And, while I realize that there may be some who can navigate on their own, I still wouldn't feel all that comfortable just letting them go in a strange neighborhood alone at that time of night.  They can be irritated with me for making sure they're safe, but I'd rather deal with a little irritation than a dead friend because I just let them go without helping them.

This.  I think they were thoughtless.


goldilocks

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #33 on: December 21, 2012, 03:33:47 PM »
Yes, your friends were quite thoughtless.  Although after reading it, you are probably lucky they didn't just leave you at the original restaurant!

Anyway, some advice I've learned over the years.   Having a GPS is invaluable.  Knowing how to get where you are going is great, but as you see, it helps to also be prepared for plan changes.   

Also, never rely on another person to know where you are going.  Don't think - Oh, I'm riding with so-and-so and they know the way!  No, get your own directions just in case you get separated, etc, and wind up on your own.   

yokozbornak

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #34 on: December 21, 2012, 04:34:46 PM »
I would be livid.  First they didn't tell you the change in plans, and then left you before you can get to B.  Then they ditched you in an unfamiliar place without good directions.  Sounds like the cashiers care more about you than these "friends." 

I would not say anything, because I would simply no longer be friends with them.

This sums up my thoughts as well.

gramma dishes

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #35 on: December 21, 2012, 07:30:48 PM »
I would be livid.  First they didn't tell you the change in plans, and then left you before you can get to B.  Then they ditched you in an unfamiliar place without good directions.  Sounds like the cashiers care more about you than these "friends." 

I would not say anything, because I would simply no longer be friends with them.

I totally agree with Rose Red.  There is no excuse for the behavior of either the so called "friends" or the self-centered "sisters".  I do kind of understand that since the friends were staying with the sisters, they probably felt like they pretty much had to go along with much of what was going on, but nevertheless they were rude, thoughtless and inconsiderate.  I would NEVER put a friend of mine in that situation.  Ever.


cjeanies

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #36 on: December 21, 2012, 11:42:49 PM »
I would be livid.  First they didn't tell you the change in plans, and then left you before you can get to B.  Then they ditched you in an unfamiliar place without good directions.  Sounds like the cashiers care more about you than these "friends." 

I would not say anything, because I would simply no longer be friends with them.

I totally agree with Rose Red.  There is no excuse for the behavior of either the so called "friends" or the self-centered "sisters".  I do kind of understand that since the friends were staying with the sisters, they probably felt like they pretty much had to go along with much of what was going on, but nevertheless they were rude, thoughtless and inconsiderate.  I would NEVER put a friend of mine in that situation.  Ever.


I agree with all of this.  Changing restaurants and not waiting on you, when they could heve, was bad enough.  But leaving you alone at night showed a real disregard for your well-being.   It isn't what decent people do.  Were your friends worried the sisters would toss them out if they spoke up?  I would still not call them friends anymore unless they sincerely apologized with absolutely no prompting.  And even then you would have to be wary when planning things with them. 

Rusty

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #37 on: December 22, 2012, 06:01:02 AM »
The "selfish sisters" did not care whether you were there or not.  The other friends, because they were staying with the "selfish sisters" probably just went along with what transpired.   These are not friends.  I don't want to upset you but were you actually initially invited along or did you possibly ask if you could join in when you heard the others making plans to meet up.  They all showed total disregard for your feelings, safety and not to mention the inconvenience.  Find some other friends quicksmart.

Shoo

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #38 on: December 22, 2012, 10:59:51 AM »
The phrase, "With friends like these...." comes to mind here.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #39 on: December 22, 2012, 11:14:47 AM »
The message the group sent you was that they didnít particularly want you to join them and that they donít value your time, your safety, or your feelings.  It would take a huge sincere apology for me to consider forgiving this behavior.   

I once ended a budding friendship because the person stood me up for a dinner date.  She left me waiting for her at a table in a fancy restaurant, which was very embarrassing.  Later she said she forgot, but didnít apologize.  I never spoke to her again. 

You deserve better friends.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

bloo

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #40 on: December 22, 2012, 11:21:36 AM »
OP: You mention in your original post that once you finally met up with them, your initial (and understandable) bad mood went away and you had fun. You became upset again when it was time to say goodbye and they were all so thoughtless about your discomfort.

The 'selfish sisters' are less to blame than your friends - none of whom had the gumption to say "We NEED to make sure AllTheThings gets back safely. So let's figure out how to do that." It's likely that 'selfish sisters' are more than a little thoughtless of AllTheThing's feelings, BUT would have had to figure things out so everyone got back safe-n-sound - had ATT's spineless friends firmly made this clear.

ATT: I would definitely mention to your friends that you were surprised that they were not concerned about you getting back home and didn't care to wait for you at the initial meetup. If you didn't feel like mentioning it now, maybe mention it the next time this group agrees to get together...something along the lines of: "last time we met up there was a lot of confusion because of the constant switching up of plans and frankly no one seemed to care that I make it home. So I'll go with you, since I did end up having fun last time, but I'll have to meet you at (wherever) before we go into the city because you're all so lousy at giving directions," said with a smile or laugh. And then if they want to pull the switcheroo's again, just jump ship at any point in the plans.

But with your friends utter spinelessness, these 'friends' are probably better enjoyed in class or wherever you see them where it's no emotional effort on your part to be around them.

I'd like to add, seeing CrazyDaffodilLady's post, that your friends should have an apologetic attitude if they want to remain your friends. If there is only excuses...invest your time in finding new friends.

Hunter-Gatherer

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #41 on: December 22, 2012, 11:37:47 AM »
I live in NYC and honesty in a billion years it would never occur to me people would have total confidence in mid-town (numbered streets) and zero confidence in the Village (named streets) for example (ok maybe the west village is confusing... but one can still always find an avenue and get themselves out). I get it it happens, but it would need to be very strongly impressed upon me it was an issue.  And since it's so ridiculously safe here I wouldn't think much of a college student who was afraid simply because the sun was down but it wasn't late, I would think they were just being high maintenance.

I've  lived my whole life in NJ, most of it (including now) within about 15 miles of NYC, but don't go into the city all that often, and I've never worked there.  When I'm in the Village I never feel like I have a great idea of what order the streets are in or where I'm going.  I always find my way eventually, but that's as much because I'm usually not in a hurry and if I make a wrong turn or two, who cares, as it is because of any navigational skill on my part.

As for the OP's issue, honestly, to me (and this doesn't make it any less hurtful, or the friends' actions any less unacceptable) this sounds like a natural part of the drifting apart process that happens with high school friends when they all go off to their different colleges.  You've gone from being friends who you see every day at school to people who you see a few times around holidays and vacations.  Unfortunately, with that, there's often a drastic weakening or even ending of friendships.  I suspect it's not quite as extreme now in the days of social media as it was in the paleolithic era when I started college, but it's still there.  Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I'd invest less energy in these people.


FoxPaws

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #42 on: December 22, 2012, 12:03:30 PM »
Reading between the lines, I agree with the posters who said it sounds like you really weren't welcome - at least by the sisters.

In my city, everybody drives. I cannot fathom someone asking me to wait while they walked to their car or until they got into their house (if I'm giving them a ride) and saying, "oh, you'll be fine," and speeding off into the night without a backward glance. It's just not what considerate people do.

I hate confrontation, so I probably wouldn't say anything unless I was asked, but I wouldn't make plans with these people again.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

jaxsue

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #43 on: December 22, 2012, 12:33:42 PM »
I live in NYC and honesty in a billion years it would never occur to me people would have total confidence in mid-town (numbered streets) and zero confidence in the Village (named streets) for example (ok maybe the west village is confusing... but one can still always find an avenue and get themselves out). I get it it happens, but it would need to be very strongly impressed upon me it was an issue.  And since it's so ridiculously safe here I wouldn't think much of a college student who was afraid simply because the sun was down but it wasn't late, I would think they were just being high maintenance.

I've  lived my whole life in NJ, most of it (including now) within about 15 miles of NYC, but don't go into the city all that often, and I've never worked there.  When I'm in the Village I never feel like I have a great idea of what order the streets are in or where I'm going.  I always find my way eventually, but that's as much because I'm usually not in a hurry and if I make a wrong turn or two, who cares, as it is because of any navigational skill on my part.

As for the OP's issue, honestly, to me (and this doesn't make it any less hurtful, or the friends' actions any less unacceptable) this sounds like a natural part of the drifting apart process that happens with high school friends when they all go off to their different colleges.  You've gone from being friends who you see every day at school to people who you see a few times around holidays and vacations.  Unfortunately, with that, there's often a drastic weakening or even ending of friendships.  I suspect it's not quite as extreme now in the days of social media as it was in the paleolithic era when I started college, but it's still there.  Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I'd invest less energy in these people.

I'm not a NJ native by a long shot - been here about 6 yrs. But while I find Midtown very easy to navigate, the Village can be confusing. I love going there, but I have to be honest in that I use my NYC map app to get around.

AllTheThings

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Re: angry at friends-what to say?
« Reply #44 on: December 22, 2012, 01:18:55 PM »
Thanks for all the advice. One of my friends actually did apologize to me before I could say anything to him, so that was nice. I did end up talking to my other two friends and explaining how I was hurt. One of them did apologize and admitted that he was wrong not to stand up for me. I don't know if he would have said anything on his own, but he seemed pretty sincere, and I remember he did at least look sorry when they left me at the end of the night. I'm pretty good friends with these two, so I figure I'll forgive them, since I have never had any other problems with them. Plus, they will still be there when we all go back to college.

I am still a little upset at my third friend. She did say she was sorry, but then basically dismissed the whole issue since everything worked out in the end. I hate that excuse, just because someone gets out of a bad situation through blind luck/the grace of God/being awesome doesn't excuse the person who put them in that position in the first place. If I tried to mug someone, but it turned out they had a black belt in karate and beat me up, I would still expect them to be mad at me, even though everything worked out okay for them.

I figure I'll just let it go for the three of them, I am pretty good friends with them, and it doesn't seem right to end things over this, especially since I would probably still see them when I go back to college. Plus, what they are guilty of is basically being cowards, and I've done plenty of cowardly things before. However, I won't hesitate to remind them of this if we ever travel again. I don't care about the sisters, or what they think. I did know that the younger sister had a very forceful personality, but I never had a problem with that before since it never caused me any problems. Now I know better.