Help! Movie Dilema-Family Related

[asb8]

Hi folks,

I need some quick feedback.  My brother and SIL want the whole family to go to the movies tomorrow as part of our Christmas celebration.  This plan has been mentioned in general terms for weeks, but as of this morning they won't commit to details despite repeated requests.  My SIL finally texted me with 2 movies choices, neither of which I want to see.  She balked when I mentioned what I would prefer and made reference to this being a group activity.  Between the price of a movie ticket and that fact that I don't consider movie watching in the theater a group activity, I don't really want to be forced to see something I'm not interested in.  We are each responsible for our own tickets.

Can I gracefully inform them that I'll be making my own plans as far as the movies go and that I look forward to the celebrations at my mothers's house with them tomorrow?  Or do I have to go with the flow?

[guihong]

An invitation is not a summons.  You don't "have" to go.  Be prepared for drama if you don't, but their reaction is up to them.

I think your wording is good.

[RegionMom]

The best part of a group movie is going out afterwards and talking.

Fro example, DS went with friends to see The Hobbit, and then had a Hobbit themed meal at Denny's.  Totally geeked out and had a blast.  Without the meal, the movie would still be good, but the conversations led to more understanding of the book/movie/each other.

So, is the family going out after?  Could you join them?

[onyonryngs]

Can you not suggest seeing a movie at the same time and meeting after?  Maybe other family members would prefer your choice as well.

[SingMeAway]

What onyonryngs said. If you actually do like the idea of seeing a movie, suggest meeting at a large cineplex, get popcorn together, etc... then split up to the see the respective movies and then meet in the lobby after to do something else.

It's nice that she wants a group activity, but I personally would not enjoy sitting through a 2-hour movie that I had no interest in seeing.

[Outdoor Girl]

What onyonryngs said. If you actually do like the idea of seeing a movie, suggest meeting at a large cineplex, get popcorn together, etc... then split up to the see the respective movies and then meet in the lobby after to do something else.

This is what I would do, too.

[Shakira]

Yeah I would definitely pass. What is it, something like $10 to see a movie now? I rarely go, and that's never my choice for a group outing. Your wording is fine; just be prepared for whining/drama when you stand your ground.

[kherbert05]

I rarely go to the movie and will not pay for one I don't want to see. I get very antsy when forced to watch movies or TV shows I don't like. I would tell my family, sorry I don't want to see either of these - I'll meet you later at X. They being my family would accept that - in part because they don't want to have to sit next to me in a movie when I'm tapping my foot and being figity because I'm uncomfortable with the content.

A few years back I was invited to see a movie with Sis and BIL. BIL's Sister, her DH, and Mom were also invited. We were almost late because of the Sister and her DH. Then they wanted to change the movie from a historical crime drama to a everyone jumps into bed with everyone else comedy. Sis flat out told them no way, and bought the tickets for the show we had come to see. I followed suit. Had I been invited to the everyone jumps into everyone else's bed movie, I would have declined.

[ilrag]

I'd pass if it's a movie you don't want to see.  Some one up thread mentioned the Hobbit, and Hobbit themed meals.  I loathed that book and would rather do anything other than seeing that movie. (I babysat for free for my best friend so her and her husband could go see it with my husband.)

It's not rude to not enjoy the same movie as a group.

[Isisnin]

We had a great family dinner out once when most everyone had recently seen a movie they loved and spoke about it with great enthusiasm.  It was a lot of fun hearing about the different movies.  So a Cineplex with a couple different movies for people to choose from is a great idea. 

It's the get together and conversation after that is really the family activity (as etiquette says: no talking while the movie is playing!!)

[Kaypeep]

I'm not sure what the dynamics are of your family, but I'd send the kids and skip the movie if it was something I didn't want to see (another non-fan of The Hobbit here.)  Movies are too expensive, and lately I've been trying to skip the theater at prime time anyway because too many people are rude and distracting during the film, so i try to go on weeknights or Sundays, late, etc.   I used to do a movie on xmas with my friends when we were in college but that was 20 years ago.  Nowadays, I skip the movies on xmas, it's just too crowded and not as much fun.

[Piratelvr1121]

At the cost of movies now, and what it costs for a family to go out, and having a little one who's no longer easy to take to the theater, we just don't go often.  Or rather I tend to go by myself now and then at a theater that only charges $5 before noon on Saturdays.   I don't want to pay full price for a movie I'm not all that interested in.

[citadelle]

Group activities like this require compromise to work. If SIL had agreed to your suggestion, possibly others would not have wanted to go. If you want to be part of the group, you will have to bend. Of course you don't have to go, but risk being perceived as the one who "ruined" the group nature of the activity. Good luck.