Another Dirty Santa/Gift Exchange Question

[Hmmmmm]

I don't have a problem with it.

[LibraryLady]

just as an aside, when we play dirty santa/chinese auction, whatever you call it; the limit on stealing the present is 2 times.  The 2nd time it is stolen,
it remains with that person; even at the very end of the game.

[GreenHall]

Heck, one of my personal criteria for this type of exchange is "would I want to take this home?"
Granted, my gift imagination means its iTunes or Starbucks giftcard the question is being asked about, rather than something cute or unique, but whether you personally would want to take it home seems like a viable way of deciding on a gift.

[flowersintheattic]

We have a friend who does a dirty Santa gift exchange every year. For the past three years, DH and I have ended up bringing home one of the presents we bought. The first year it was because I bought the presents we contributed and DH liked one of them better than the rest of the presents, so he stole it. Last year, my contribution was six romance novels (including "Pregnesia", which I learned of in a thread here and inspired the gift!), and the woman who opened it stole my gift. I didn't steal or trade because I gathered that no one wanted the romance novels and I had no problem taking them home. This year it was because we ended up with a gift we didn't want at the very end of the game, and the only gift that hadn't been stolen three times (the limit) was one of ours. (Side note - "Pregnesia" ended up back in one of the gifts we gave this year, but not the one we took home. I'm hoping it ends up being a yearly part of the gift.)

That's just a long way to say that I agree that there's no problem in taking home your own gift, as long as it's not against the rules.

[stargazer]

My coworker stole the wine that she brought for our gift exchange at work.  That way she at least knew she was getting something she liked, but was still "involved" since it is pretty noticeable if you don't participate in the exchange at work.  I thought it was funny - there's nothing rude about it.

[GrammarNerd]

So basically, if you think about it, she declined to participate in the exchange, right?  Sure, she appeared like she participated, but she really didn't.

I'm kind of torn.  I get not wanting to be stuck with a bad gift, but I guess if you're going to participate in something like this, you should have either some rules/guidelines, or have some faith in the other people that they won't contribute something totally hideous.  I guess I wouldn't advertise that I did it though, because then it makes it seem petty and like she's boasting because she pulled one over on the group.

[lowspark]

There's really no guarantee that you'll end up with the gift you want, whether it be yours or someone else's. So she really did participate just as much as if she'd decided she wanted some other gift and stolen it. Once the gifts are in the pile, it's a matter of luck as to whether you'll end up with the one thing you want or not.

In my experience, the best way to look at the game is that the fun is in the game itself. If you end up with a great gift, that's a bonus. If not, oh well, hopefully you had fun playing.

And that is why I don't believe in limiting the stealing -- as that is the fun of playing. And I also believe in finding a way for everyone to get at least one chance to steal. I've been in games where one of the first few people picked a not-so-great gift, then sat there with nothing to do the rest of the game watching others having a great time stealing back & forth. Not fun.

As I said above, I run this game regularly and have some special rules which allow everyone to open a new gift and give everyone a chance to steal. It works out well although no matter how you play, there is still no guarantee of what you'll go home with.

[SiotehCat]

I think she was fine. Its not a normal gift exchange and she played by the rules.

The one time that DH and I played this game, we went home with one of our own gifts. I was the last person to go and everyone seemed so happy with their gifts, so I just picked the one still under the tree.

I didnt think there was anything wrong with it.

[RegionMom]

lowspark, could you share your adapted rules here? 
Sounds like they could benefit many a party!

[lowspark]

Sure! It's a little bit complicated and it takes some effort to keep track but it's worth it.
I've used names for people to help minimize confusion.

Everyone picks a number to determine order of picking (as usual).

Round 1
Everyone, in turn, opens a new gift.

Round 2
Again, in order, the following cycle happens:
  Person whose turn it is, "Suzy", chooses to either keep her gift or steal
  If Suzy wants to steal, she puts her gift on the table (or whatever central spot) and steals from Lisa
  Lisa can then either take the gift from the table or steal. She steals from Jenny
  Jenny can then either take the gift from the table or steal. She steals from Kathy
  Kathy is now stuck with the gift on the table.

Play passes to the next (in order) person's turn when any of the following happens:
a) Person whose turn it is chooses to keep their gift instead of stealing
b) Anyone who has been stolen from takes the gift from the table
c) third person gets stolen from in the above cycle and takes the gift from the table

Cycles continue till the highest numbered person takes their round 2 turn.

I differentiate between Rounds which go in the order on the slips of paper, and Cycles which go according to the stealing initiated by the person whose turn it is within the round.

As for the cycles, my norm is third person stolen from ends that cycle, however, if you have a smaller group you may choose to make it second person, or, if you have a very large group, you can up it to fourth or fifth person. Again, the idea is that the more stealing the better, but you also want the game to move along so too much stealing can also be bad.

The hard part is keeping track of where you are in round 2. So I tend to call it out as people are stolen from, like
"Who has #1?"
"Steal #1"
"Steal #2"
"Steal #3"
"Ok, you get the gift on the table. Now, who has the number 2?"

etc.

I've been using this way of playing for several years and many games (we play other times through the year) and it works great. But again, I must stress, that someone has to run it and keep track. People do tend to get confused -- they're playing, having fun, thinking about what they want to steal, etc. So one person has to be in charge and make sure to keep it progressing properly.

One more thing I do which is totally optional. When I'm hosting at my house, I throw in an extra gift. That puts two items on the table at all times for the third person in the cycle to choose from when they get stuck with whatever is on the table. At the end of the game, there is that one thing leftover and I draw a name to see who ends up with it. It just adds a little bit extra to the fun of the game and I see it as just another expense of having a party.

[magicdomino]

Interesting.  I may be borrowing this for next year, as we have a small group.

[AylaM]

We might try that next year as well.  We've started this within the family and we stop after the last person chooses.  Unfortunately since we started one couple always seems to have one person draw one of the last numbers and they always seem to get the stuff they want.  I always hated what the people were fighting over - but another couple always really wants it. 

While I see it as part of the game, I'd be annoyed if the same people continuously got the gift I was fighting for.

[Roe]

Not at all rude, it's all part of the game.  Heck, I've even bought a few gifts with the hope that I'd win it back.  Sometimes I have, sometimes I haven't.  It's a game, she didn't bring the "gift" with a particular person in mind or hand it over to a particular person and then take it back.  I think those that got upset are just sore losers.  That's one reason I stopped playing White Elephant...someone always ends up upset.   

[VorFemme]

We  had a "White Elephant/Dirty Santa" at our Red Hat group before Christmas - there is a wide range of sizes, ages, and complexions at the group (under 5' tall & petite to taller 5' 8" & plus sized; 50+ to 80+; and translucent white to chocolate brown) - so clothing, makeup, & jewelry might be good ideas - but some people will make faces if "gift" is the wrong size (clothing); color (nail polish - red or purple always seem to go over well); or scale (tiny studs the size of a pencil eraser are too small for some of the taller & larger ladies - like myself - we like something more along the lines of a nickel or other coin the size of a thumbnail...or larger, even). 

One lady got quite vocal about it when she asked to see the nail polish collection another lady had opened, her comment about the colors of nail polish being "ugly" (not flattering to HER complexion or matching any of her clothing or taste is what I think she meant) was quite loud, too.  She did seem to like the HUGE (almost quarter sized - so about the size of an SD card) rhinestone earrings, purple glitter nail polish, and travel jewelry organizer - but she still didn't seem to think much of the "game". 

There were also china plates, pewter picture frames, a RED purse, chocolates, a RED HAT, a tin of cookies, and a few other items that were stolen - and a few things that weren't (anyone want four coffee cups from a gambling resort in Louisiana?  please?  They are painted to look like the pebbled leather finish on an American "football" - and I don't gamble or like football). 

They may go back NEXT year with a purple purse from my closet (too small to hold my stuff when I got it home, even though I loved the color - my purple checkbook wallet is too large to fit) in the same package - the purse will probably get stolen.....the red purse this year went through all three allowable steals.

[Deetee]

I think it sounds totally, totally fine to me. She brought something she liked. She had no guarentee that she would keep it. She followed the rules and she got it.

I actually think it sounds like a pretty cool twist to wrangle your own gift.

Personally, I hate the idea that you shouldn't steal a gift from someone because they they like it. The whole point is to steal stuff and have fun with that. (I also think participation should be very optional because I understand that plenty of people are not comfortable with the stealing aspect) But some sort of unwritten rule that you don't take something because someone else already likes it? Ugh! Play a different game.