S/O Do You Give Yourself a Christmas present?--Are you anticipating...

[Fidgets]

...holiday disappointment?  I love my DH, but he is one of the world's worst gift buyers.  Leaving aside the year he forgot my birthday (Yeah, totally forgot it.  As in, when he called home during my birthday to ask me to do him a favor, I started crying and asked if he was going to even wish me a happy birthday...oops!  Totally forgot it.    )  Several years ago, my present was a waffle iron.  Admittedly, I mentioned in passing that one of these days, I was going to buy one.  For some reason, every other thing I ever mentioned in my life--all my likes, all the books I said I would like to get--faded from his mind and somehow "waffle iron" equated to "Holy Grail" in his mind.  Then there was the year I got 3 kitchen tongs.  Year before last, he *did* get me a book I said I wanted.  Of course, it wasn't the edition I wanted and was missing a huge amount of additional info, but darn it!  He found it at a used book store and saved money!  :p  (And no, I don't mind used books at all.  A used copy of what I wanted would have been swell.) This year, if it even crosses his mind to buy me anything, I have a terrifying hunch it'll be cutting boards because I mentioned mine were wearing out.

Every year I bust my rear end to find him things he likes or has mentioned he wants or that tie in with his hobbies and, since his birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas (!), have to come up with enough ideas all in one go to cover both.  I've tried talking to him before about gifts, but...  It's like his natural impulse to save money, combined with leaving every single thing until the last possible moment ("But honey!  I tried to buy you an XYZ, but they were sold out!"  Yes, that does tend to happen when you do your shopping the afternoon of the 24th.    ), combined with a near total inability to remember what I like (we've only been married 12 years, after all, and lived together 2 years before that--how could he remember what I'm interested in?) leaves me with a crappy birthday/Christmas every year.  I used to really love Christmas and my birthday and the anticipation.  Now, it's just another day.

Anyone else anticipating a less than stellar holiday?  Perhaps we can at least laugh at what we get (or don't get).  But I'm putting my money on cutting boards.  :p

[Amara]

When I was asked what I wanted this year, I sent a list of about a dozen items (in a range of prices but nothing too high) that I really, really want. I also included links. So I don't think I'd get anything like a waffle iron. Am I expecting disappointment? Not really. If I get something I don't want or can't use I figure it will go to a good home once I drop it off at the thrift store the next day. But gently--very gently--I bring people around to the fact that I do not use or allow scented stuff in my home, that a candle is nothing I want or will keep, that stuff in general is only clutter to me and not really anything I appreciate. So things are a lot better than they were several years ago. But one sister whom I see only rarely? Well, I just don't know. Whatever it is will either be something I like or something someone else will get to buy from the thrift store. I don't sweat it. 

[Carotte]

My mother seasonally forgets that it's no use getting me clothes without me there, yet I get stuff like that.. This year I know from which store (that sells everything from clothes to high end home stuff like bedsheets or cookware) but looks like it will be some sort of clothing 
My father asked me if I wanted anything, I said books but never got around to tell him what, I did tell him that unless I give him the ISBN to not get me a design book, we'll see about that.
Uncles/grand parents it will be a check, so not a problem there, and boyfriend did say he doesn't have any idea/is not sure/is not really a gift giving type - it's our first Christmas together and I don't really mind, I know he's in that same 'clueless men' club as Fidgets's husband.

( I also think I'm not that hard to shop for, give me anything doctor who or a gift card to an art supply store and I'll be happy, failing that anything edible with lots of sugar or a cookbook - basically just look at what I'm prone to do in a day (draw while watching the Doctor while munching on sugar?) and we're golden )

[VorFemme]

From what I have seen with my own family - not just the guys - sometimes people are so focussed on what they need to do at work or school - that they don't register a second "deadline" at around the same time.  A mid-term makes them forget Easter or a birthday.  Finals or a project due may make them not notice that a birthday, anniversary, or something else is coming up within a day or two and they NEED to do something about both.

But all their focus is on #1 priority and the other is out of focus & ends up "forgotten".

Until someone lets them have it with a clue by four....

When they wonder WHY their parent, spouse, offspring, coworker, etc. got so upset about the whatwasit because they were so focused on the otherthingamajig that they never even thought about the whatwasit at all.

Or - how VorGuy got a ticket for a registration that had expired three months earlier even though he stared at the windshield every morning when he went out to start the car for work, missed his mother's birthday, and forgot our anniversary until I handed him a special dinner.....while wishing him a happy 37th!

I gotta get a clue by six - it's not easy getting his attention with ONLY a clue by four!

[Carotte]

oops, quoted myself when I meant to edit to I'll just leave the add-on:

ETA: Oh, the last two gifts I got (a souvenir my mom brought a few months ago and a Christmas gift from an 'aunt' I missed this weekend ) my first gut reaction was an un-ehell approved "the h*** is that" (of course I never said anything) but holly t-rex in what drug induced coma did they both thought I would like that? - oh no wait, from the same trip my mom brought back gift from her friends (it was where we used to live so she still have friends there) that where equally horrific. I know it sounds like complaning but after years of this I'm glad I don't anticipate anything that I will like, I would likely, gladly, not get anything at all.

[wolfie]

...holiday disappointment?  I love my DH, but he is one of the world's worst gift buyers.  Leaving aside the year he forgot my birthday (Yeah, totally forgot it.  As in, when he called home during my birthday to ask me to do him a favor, I started crying and asked if he was going to even wish me a happy birthday...oops!  Totally forgot it.    )  Several years ago, my present was a waffle iron.  Admittedly, I mentioned in passing that one of these days, I was going to buy one.  For some reason, every other thing I ever mentioned in my life--all my likes, all the books I said I would like to get--faded from his mind and somehow "waffle iron" equated to "Holy Grail" in his mind.  Then there was the year I got 3 kitchen tongs.  Year before last, he *did* get me a book I said I wanted.  Of course, it wasn't the edition I wanted and was missing a huge amount of additional info, but darn it!  He found it at a used book store and saved money!  :p  (And no, I don't mind used books at all.  A used copy of what I wanted would have been swell.) This year, if it even crosses his mind to buy me anything, I have a terrifying hunch it'll be cutting boards because I mentioned mine were wearing out.

Every year I bust my rear end to find him things he likes or has mentioned he wants or that tie in with his hobbies and, since his birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas (!), have to come up with enough ideas all in one go to cover both.  I've tried talking to him before about gifts, but...  It's like his natural impulse to save money, combined with leaving every single thing until the last possible moment ("But honey!  I tried to buy you an XYZ, but they were sold out!"  Yes, that does tend to happen when you do your shopping the afternoon of the 24th.    ), combined with a near total inability to remember what I like (we've only been married 12 years, after all, and lived together 2 years before that--how could he remember what I'm interested in?) leaves me with a crappy birthday/Christmas every year.  I used to really love Christmas and my birthday and the anticipation.  Now, it's just another day.

Anyone else anticipating a less than stellar holiday?  Perhaps we can at least laugh at what we get (or don't get).  But I'm putting my money on cutting boards.  :p

If I were you I would be toning down the gifts for him. Are you sure he even wants to celebrate those days? It sounds like he really would prefer not to.

[JenJay]

Twice DH waited until the last minute and couldn't find anything... so he got me stereo equipment that he wanted. 

A few other years he got me things he thought I might like that weren't bad gifts but made me go  .

Then I made a wish list on amazon. The first year I still got a dumb gift because "If I get something off your wish list you won't be surprised!" True, my love, but I'll be happy! I ribbed him a bit about that and told him I'd agree to put enough on the list that he'd have a nice selection and in return he promised to use it. Now we're both enjoying my gifts much more!

[Slartibartfast]

FIL always used to do all his Christmas shopping at Toys R Us.  For everybody.  Mostly little toys and gadgets that look kind of appealing at first but then you realize you're not eight years old anymore.  (The year he got DH a case of silly string comes to mind.)

Then Toys R Us closed, and FIL started shopping at Dollar Tree instead.  Now we get even cheaper toys/tchotchkes, with no rhyme or reason to them.

[Thipu1]

Mr. Thipu used to be notorious for this sort of thing.

We were getting married in March of 1983 and moved into our home in mid-December of 1982. On Christmas morning, my gift was a coffee maker, a coffee grinder and a pound of coffee.  All were presented in brown paper sacks.  He'd started his shopping at 4 pm on Christmas Eve. Everybody got small appliances.

Mr. Thipu enjoyed the thrill of the chase. 

Another year,  I presented a modest list of things like a Gary Larson calendar, a small box of candy I liked, a turtle-neck sweater and a blank book. 

What did I receive?

A pair of water-proof shoes that my Grandfather might have worn when he worked For the Railroad in the 1930s. 

Mr. Thipu's gotten a lot better over the years.  Now, he at least looks at lists and helps writing card.

  Over the last week or so, he seems to be turning into a Christmas Crazy.  He's come home with battery-operated lights we can add to the wreath on our door and a lighted, programmable ball that
wouldn't be out of place in a small disco. 

It does make the place merry and bright.

[RebeccainGA]

I never know with DP - sometimes she's spot on (some really nice clothes come to mind, as do a couple of kitchen things, and a really lovely trip). Sometime it's like.... um.... ok. (the brown coat, with the huge fake fur ruff on the hood - I don't wear much brown, hate fake fur, hate hoods....) The weird computer games. Office supplies (which I think DP just likes shopping for - who needs an assortment of shaped post it notes???). There's not much, sadly, that's all that memorable.

I do put a lot of work into it, as does DP. This year, we both said we were going to spend $ on each other, and $$ on the kid, and then after bonuses in February, we'll spend $$$ together - so we're each picking out something a little spendy and making a wrapped IOU for it. <G>

[AmethystAnne]

I have no expectations about gifts, so it's always a surprise.

Thipu, I got such a laugh when you mentioned the 1930's railroad shoes.

If I were to put a lot of effort and thought into gifts for a close family member and then got nothing special, I would consider not going to such trouble. I would certainly scale back to maybe one gift.

[Shalamar]

My MIL is notoriously bad at gift giving.   She always ignores lists (despite asking for them in the first place) and gets us what she thinks we want or need instead.   I remember when she asked if we'd like more of our wedding china for Christmas, and I answered honestly "No - we never use the china we've got.  Frankly, I think it was a mistake to register for it.   We're just not fine china people."   What did she get us?   A serving platter in our pattern.   Which, like the rest of our wedding china, has never seen the light of day (we got married almost 20 years ago).

[NotTheNarcissist]

This is how low my expectations are: I buy my own Christmas gifts. DH prefers it.

[Carotte]

I'm starting to think my mom buys gift for her other, non existant, daughter. Quite frankly I cannot see the slightest reason why she thought I could ever like the bracelet she got me for Christmas, and of course she gave it to me while saying "oh I hope you like it, I'm so nervous now everytime I get you something like this if you'll like it or not" - so I went with a crisped grin and a 'oh cool - it's a little, unusual...'.
This past few years my birthday and Christmas have been not enjoyable because of that, I tried a bit of everything to curb this, to no avail. I think I'll just bear it and expedite everything.

[IslandMama]

My DH didn't get me anything this Christmas.  He actually said on Christmas Eve (after the shops had shut) that he hadn't shopped for me.  Luckily I'd bought myself a little Christmas gift (earrings) so I gave them to him to wrap and put under the tree (we have a 7 year old, a 5 year old and a baby, I have to have something to unwrap) and he gave them back to me to wrap. 

That really hurt, that he couldn't even bother wrapping them for me.  It's his birthday on New Years Day so a few days after that we'll be having a chat, I think.  It wasn't so much that he hadn't bought me anything (although he could have got a three pack of Ferrero Rochers and I would have been happy) but that he was dismissive of even wrapping the stand in gift I gave him.