Author Topic: S/O Do You Give Yourself a Christmas present?--Are you anticipating...  (Read 1338 times)

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siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O Do You Give Yourself a Christmas present?--Are you anticipating...
« Reply #15 on: December 26, 2012, 05:22:40 PM »
I have no expectations about gifts, so it's always a surprise.

Thipu, I got such a laugh when you mentioned the 1930's railroad shoes.

If I were to put a lot of effort and thought into gifts for a close family member and then got nothing special, I would consider not going to such trouble. I would certainly scale back to maybe one gift.

I've done this. I have a cousin, who, shall we say, is a bit self-centered. She has no problem buying things for herself, and puts next to no effort into her gift giving for others. It's all about her. What's funny though is in the beginning, she gave great gifts. Stuff she knew I'd like, and did, but after that, each time I opened mine from her, I really wondered what she'd been thinking.

One year she gave me the same gift as the year before, these turban things for your hair when you wash it.  I figured she forgot she gave them to me the previous year! That year I also received a fleece throw, and it was in this small, rolling bag she gave me because she said she knew I liked the colors. I figured out a. it had been used and b. was a giveaway from a store when you purchased x dollars worth of perfume.

the following year she was deployed right before Christmas, and left my gifts at her house (i have a key, and stopped on my way home) It was literally a pile of stuff she had pulled from her drawers and closets, not wrapped, WITH the tags still on. Including, and I'm still not sure it was meant to be part of my gift or not, a gift card. which was kind of scratched up, not in any type of envelope, or card. so I called to find out what was on it, and it had a 0 balance. again, I htink she may have seen it and figured she'd add it to my gift, but couldn't be bothered to check if it was still good!

so while i love to figure out what to get people, and shop for them, i've scaled way back on her, both in effort and cost.  I'm just tired of expending effort when she can't be bothered.

SamiHami

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Re: S/O Do You Give Yourself a Christmas present?--Are you anticipating...
« Reply #16 on: December 26, 2012, 08:04:48 PM »
My DH and I keep "wish folders" that we periodically update (esp. around gift-giving occasions). Usually, when we find something we would like, we print it from the website where it can be purchased. We will hand write any notations necessary (color, size, if used is acceptable for that particular item, etc). Then we "prioritize" the items now and then, so the most wanted are on top and they go in descending order.

This way we always have a go-to list of items we would like to have, there is never any question of whether or not it's the "right" one, etc. We also usually talk around November about how much we can afford to spend on each other that year and we go from there.

That's not to say we don't go off-list if one of us find something we know the other one would love-but it keeps us from getting stuck and it still leaves the element of surprise.

OP, perhaps a system like ours would be useful for you and your DH. I would also consider implementing a shopping deadline reminder, so there is no last minute, Christmas eve whatever-we-can-find junk. In reality, if you do your shopping online as we do, it really only takes a few minutes.

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Slartibartfast

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Re: S/O Do You Give Yourself a Christmas present?--Are you anticipating...
« Reply #17 on: December 26, 2012, 10:39:52 PM »
My DH didn't get me anything this Christmas.  He actually said on Christmas Eve (after the shops had shut) that he hadn't shopped for me.  Luckily I'd bought myself a little Christmas gift (earrings) so I gave them to him to wrap and put under the tree (we have a 7 year old, a 5 year old and a baby, I have to have something to unwrap) and he gave them back to me to wrap. 

That really hurt, that he couldn't even bother wrapping them for me.  It's his birthday on New Years Day so a few days after that we'll be having a chat, I think.  It wasn't so much that he hadn't bought me anything (although he could have got a three pack of Ferrero Rochers and I would have been happy) but that he was dismissive of even wrapping the stand in gift I gave him.

Ouch - I don't blame you for being hurt!  He needs to learn that by passively not doing anything, he still is saying something about how he feels about your relationship - and it may not be what he means to be saying.

snowdragon

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Re: S/O Do You Give Yourself a Christmas present?--Are you anticipating...
« Reply #18 on: December 26, 2012, 10:52:50 PM »
I have been asking for the same thing since I was 14. gift cards to my favorite craft store, they are sold in the local grocery store.  I next to never get them because everyone decided that it's too much effort to pick these things up. So mom buys me clothes - or sends me to buy my own clothes.. my brothers buy things like gift certs for fancy stores and restaurants and my aunt (blessedly) give me money.
  I spend months either looking for or organizing so they get what they want, yet I have gotten the gift I want exactly once since I was 14 - with the noteable exception of my nephew and best friend.  It's discouraging.

Carotte

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Re: S/O Do You Give Yourself a Christmas present?--Are you anticipating...
« Reply #19 on: December 27, 2012, 07:12:05 AM »
I have no expectations about gifts, so it's always a surprise.

Thipu, I got such a laugh when you mentioned the 1930's railroad shoes.

If I were to put a lot of effort and thought into gifts for a close family member and then got nothing special, I would consider not going to such trouble. I would certainly scale back to maybe one gift.

I've done this. I have a cousin, who, shall we say, is a bit self-centered. She has no problem buying things for herself, and puts next to no effort into her gift giving for others. It's all about her. What's funny though is in the beginning, she gave great gifts. Stuff she knew I'd like, and did, but after that, each time I opened mine from her, I really wondered what she'd been thinking.

One year she gave me the same gift as the year before, these turban things for your hair when you wash it.  I figured she forgot she gave them to me the previous year! That year I also received a fleece throw, and it was in this small, rolling bag she gave me because she said she knew I liked the colors. I figured out a. it had been used and b. was a giveaway from a store when you purchased x dollars worth of perfume.


Me think that she, along with pretty much everone in this thread got 'burned' by the gift giving/receiveing experience. If she used to spent a lot of time or money on gift for others but she never got anything nice in return (or even if she got a few but most time is was something that she clearly wouldn't enjoy) she might have decided to just let it go.
I, personaly, will most likely take the 'basic' route for gift now, that is, unless I know exactly what I want to give you (and I actually want to give it, go the trouble for you) you'll get something basic: usefull, a bottle of wine for dad, a shirt for my brother and say a book for my mom. I'm tired of raking my brain for stuff they don't have and will enjoy. My brother being the exception (and that's funny cause he's the one that see the less of me, living in another country) my parents can't be bothered to listen to me or pay the slightest attention to what I like.
This time I even made it easy, I only asked for some help paying the computer I had to buy to replace my old one. Nothing to find, they define the amount, everyone is happy  :(

Redsoil

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Re: S/O Do You Give Yourself a Christmas present?--Are you anticipating...
« Reply #20 on: December 27, 2012, 07:21:09 AM »
Islandmama - I can certainly understand you feeling hurt and dismissed by your DH.  *hugs*  He may view things differently, but that's no excuse.  Sounds like time for a candid talk about why his actions hurt, and what you'd like to see change so you feel he values you more.  Good luck with it.
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