Alernating Holidays

[Girly]

So am I being unreasonable by alternating the day of Holiday for not going anywhere...ie 2013 Christmas we are staying home 2014 we will be staying home Thankgiving day...Is there a polite way to head off any arguments or pa comments?

My family lives 7.5 hours away and my DH's family lives 10 hours away. We used to go home for every Holiday, then we had our son. People would say to us 'Oh I bet it will be hard to decide who's house to go to for Holidays!' so we made a decision.

Christmas, we stay home. Period. We live far enough away that I don't want to be in the position of trying to explain how Santa will know where he is, and we flat out just want to stay home. ALL family is invited to our house if they would like to come.

All other Holidays - we try to get home as much as possible, so we pick the two Holidays that are the 'biggest' in each family. My mom always hosts a large Thanksgiving, and DH's family has several smaller parties. So, we go to my mom's to get the biggest 'family bang for our buck' (large family gathering at one place, not a lot of additional travelling for us to do after already driving 7.5 hours). My husband's family really celebrates a summer festival in their town, so we go to that every year.

Last year, DH's dad got really upset we weren't 'coming home' for Christmas. I have no idea why he picked last year, as we had NEVER gone there for Christmas in the 12 years we had been together. We told him we were staying home, and while we had company (my mom and aunt) he was more than welcome to come celebrate with us, and we'd love to have him. He had much the same response as your mom 'well then I guess we just won't celebrate Christmas at all this year' and we said we would certainly miss him, and look forward to our next visit. He ended up coming for Christmas, and we all had a great time.

[SamiHami]

My husband is going to be 55 in a couple of weeks and even at his age, every Christmas he mentions how his parents would make him and his brothers get in the car on Christmas day immediately after opening gifts so they could make the drive to visit faaaaaammmilly a couple of states away. They were not allowed to bring their presents with them, so they were stuck away from home, knowing that santa left them tons of cool stuff and got to watch their cousins all enjoying their gifts. Because, of course, the roads only go one way and no one was willing to travel here for the week between Christmas and New Years.

My point is that things like that really do stay with a person forever. Of course my DH is long since over it, but the unpleasant memory still lingers for him and his surviving brother. I say it's far more important to make good memories for your children than it is to placate a stubborn and inflexible adult.

[missmarie]

I know exactly how that feels!!!  We have a rule in our family: we do whatever the family with the youngest children feels possible.  When my own Littles were very small, we hosted Christmas morning brunch for all.  My parents have been divorced since I was seven and managed to put all that aside to show up bright and early for warm cinnamon buns and presents.  Now that my brother is the one with the smallest children, we will let him set the tone.  If he doesn't want to accommodate everyone and wants to spread out the important holidays then that is what we will do.  Luckily, we all live within a very reasonable driving distance.  If he feels, however, that he would rather not take Baby Awesome out on a cold December morning, we will bring him food and gifts.  It really stinks to take Tiny People out of their familiar environments, put them in fancy clothes and drag them all over the county just because the Big People have decided it's an important day!  Stick to your guns!  You'll create a whole new holiday tradition and be really glad you did!