Author Topic: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?  (Read 12176 times)

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LilacRosey

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Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« on: December 24, 2012, 09:37:44 PM »
My brother and my sister in law to be are joining my family for Holiday tomorrow and I asked my mom what she got her and she said nothing because she isn't famiuly.  I got her something because I thought I should and I told my mom she should as well. Who is right? And if I am should I add my mom and dad's name to my gift so it looks right?, Lilacrosey

Kaypeep

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2012, 09:39:43 PM »
Do not add your parent's name to your gift.  Let your mom and dad stand by their own choices and decisions.  Stay far away from this as possible.   Cultivate your own relationships and handle your own gift giving.

Knitterly

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2012, 09:48:35 PM »
Do not add your parent's name to your gift.  Let your mom and dad stand by their own choices and decisions.  Stay far away from this as possible.   Cultivate your own relationships and handle your own gift giving.

Agreed.

Your mother knew your sister in law was coming.  I think it is awful that your mom doesn't consider her daughter in law to be family.  But that is her choice to make that decision.  She will have to suffer the consequences in her relationship with her son for making that distinction.

Do NOT add your parents names to your gift.  The gift is coming from you, not them.  it was picked, purchased, and wrapped by you.  It is not from them.


LilacRosey

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2012, 09:55:15 PM »
sorry, she's my brother's fiance not yet married, but engaged. But she is sharing Holiday with us so I thought it rude not to get her anything at all.

Thanks all, I was just clarifying the status., Lilacrosey

kherbert05

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2012, 10:30:28 PM »
You are right and your Mom sounds determine to start off on the wrong foot with her new DIL.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

MrsCrazyPete

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2012, 10:51:59 PM »
Chiming in to agree that you should not add your parents name to your gift. Your mom seems determined to not begin a good relationship with her future daughter-in-law.
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Shoo

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #6 on: December 24, 2012, 11:11:04 PM »
Apparently your  mother wants to send this poor girl some kind of message.  I'm afraid it's going to come across loud and clear.  I agree that you are right here, and your mother is very, very wrong.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #7 on: December 24, 2012, 11:17:17 PM »
POD to what everyone else has said.  I don't quite get how not being family means you don't get a gift.  I've known other families who buy for their kids SOs, engaged, not engaged, etc. i'd simply give your gift to her, and let your parents deal with whatever consequences and bad feelings ensue from them not giving her anything.

Winterlight

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2012, 11:20:49 PM »
I think you are totally right. However, I'm afraid if you did add their names, your parents might say something right in front of her. That would really blow up in everybody's face.

Your mom doesn't have to like or respect her FDIL. However, by taking this stand, she's going to have to deal with the consequences. Do not try to cushion them for her.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
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To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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LilacRosey

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2012, 11:26:47 PM »
I wasn't going to add their names without thir agreement, I was going to offer in the morning before we open presents, but I think you are all right and I will leave it alone. Hopefully she likes what I got her and dont think to badly of us  :(

Thanks so much all!, Lilacrosey

Erich L-ster

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2012, 11:41:44 PM »
I think mom is rude. She could, at the very least, give a nominal gift like a box of chocolates, scarf, candles, something like that.

mmswm

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2012, 11:51:11 PM »
I agree with the others.  Do not put your parents' names on the gift. 

On a side note, I don't understand the idea of not getting a gift because somebody's not "family".  Heck, my mother buys gifts for our pets.  I got a new dog on Friday and even he has gifts under the tree (and I have no idea when she managed to go out and get them, as she's in a wheelchair and I've been the one to driver her around all weekend).
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WillyNilly

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #12 on: December 25, 2012, 01:49:07 AM »
Don't add your mom's name to your gift. Your mom wants to hate on her FDIL, let her... and let her suffer the consequences of doing so. You on the other hand seem to want to welcome your SIL into the family, and you should receive the recognition for that.

As for who's right... well for sure I think you mom is wrong and rude (and maybe nasty) and even if she isn't family, just a girlfriend or even just a neighbor or coworker or roommate, I think its pretty awful to have someone over for Christmas and purposely not have a gift for them! Even just a cute pair of snowman socks or small umbrella or blank notebook, IMO you give everyone something.


oz diva

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #13 on: December 25, 2012, 04:03:05 AM »
In our family anyone who joins us for Christmas receives a present. We had my SILs mum today and she received plenty of presents. It would be rude otherwise, related or not.

Victoria

violinp

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Re: Is my mom rude, I know this is lagte and I can only do so much?
« Reply #14 on: December 25, 2012, 04:13:06 AM »
In our family anyone who joins us for Christmas receives a present. We had my SILs mum today and she received plenty of presents. It would be rude otherwise, related or not.

POD. My aunt's mom joined us for Christmas last year (Uncle, Aunt, and Cousin were coming up as well, and Aunt didn't want her widowed mom to spend her first Christmas without her husband alone), and both Mom and Dad and Gran and Gramps made sure to get her something, and she gave them gifts as well. It's not polite, nor is it in the spirit of Christmas to be stingy and refuse to give gifts simply on the basis of relation.
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