General Etiquette > Family and Children

Kids standing and sitting on the table

<< < (15/15)

mmswm:

--- Quote from: CakeEater on January 02, 2013, 07:32:05 PM ---
--- Quote from: Piratelvr1121 on January 02, 2013, 05:55:45 PM ---I think any child is likely to do something like that at one point or another. They all test their limits, I think the difference is some parents are more willing to set limits in the first place.

--- End quote ---

Toddlers all test their limits, yes. Some are much louder and more persistent than others about it. Some parents are more persistent about it as well. There's more than just one factor (parental limits) at play in these sorts of situations.

--- End quote ---

I used to tell my kids when we got into these limit-testing battles that I was older and had FAR more experience at being stubborn.

Piratelvr1121:
Haha!  I sometimes say to mine "Just where do you think you got your stubbornness from?" Actually they got a double dose from myself and DH, even if he'll never admit it. ;)

TootsNYC:

--- Quote from: CakeEater on January 02, 2013, 02:16:47 AM ---
--- Quote from: Shoo on December 31, 2012, 01:59:59 PM ---
--- Quote from: Hotdish on December 31, 2012, 12:57:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: CakeEater on December 25, 2012, 06:34:05 PM ---Obviously, letting a toddler climb on the table while you're trying to set it or eat off it isn't OK, but I do have some sympathy for Brother and SIL. It's just not as easy as 'saying no' and the kid stops whatever thing you're wanting them to stop. It's pretty painful, sometimes, and I don't think they're horrible people for not wanting to deal with that on Christmas Day. Of course they're his parents and that's their responsibility, blah, blah, but I do understand.
--- End quote ---

It is in fact that easy, and not at all painful. Unless the parents make it that way.

--- End quote ---

I agree.  My daughter was as active as they come, and we had no problem keeping her from doing the things she wasn't supposed to do.

--- End quote ---

I'm not sure you understood me. I meant that you don't just say 'no' to a toddler and they comply without protesting, and wander off happily to sit quietly with their quiet toys. There's the screaming, and the kicking, and the associated wailing and gnashing of teeth. If your kids are/were of the first variety, then you're super lucky.

I am able to keep my toddler from climbing on the table at someone's house, but sometimes it's because I pick him up off the table and walk out of the room/house while the wailing/kicking etc is going on. And that's pretty painful.

Of course, that's what you do, because letting the child climb all over the table while it's being set and people are eating off it aren't OK.



--- Quote from: artk2002 on December 31, 2012, 02:04:55 PM ---
--- Quote from: Hotdish on December 31, 2012, 12:57:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: CakeEater on December 25, 2012, 06:34:05 PM ---Obviously, letting a toddler climb on the table while you're trying to set it or eat off it isn't OK, but I do have some sympathy for Brother and SIL. It's just not as easy as 'saying no' and the kid stops whatever thing you're wanting them to stop. It's pretty painful, sometimes, and I don't think they're horrible people for not wanting to deal with that on Christmas Day. Of course they're his parents and that's their responsibility, blah, blah, but I do understand.
--- End quote ---

It is in fact that easy, and not at all painful. Unless the parents make it that way.

--- End quote ---

I agree. It takes patience and consistency but it's doable -- one of the primary jobs of a parent. If there's screaming and wailing, dealing with that is the parent's job as well. Giving in to screaming, wailing and "I don' wanna" just teaches the child that they don't have to follow directions. (This is absent any neurological issues, for those of you who want to chime in with the "but whaddabout Asperger's, etc.?" Except in the most extreme situations, those take more time and more patience, but still aren't impossible.)

It's not a matter of just saying "no," either.  They have to be taught what "no" means, because it's not automatic. For a child this age, you physically remove them, each and every time, firmly saying "no." You keep an eagle-eye out and physically stop them as soon as they start. Again with the "no."

And, frankly, I don't give a rodent's posterior what the parents want or don't want to deal with on Christmas Day. It's a 24 hour-a-day 365-day-a-year job. I say that as a parent. You don't get a day off unless you arrange it before hand, in which case the current care-giver is responsible for doing what the parent must do, and that includes teaching what "no" means. If they parents don't want to parent, then they have the choice of staying home. A 2yo takes a lot of parenting.

--- End quote ---

I do have a child with autism, so I can probably attest to what is or isn't possible, and what takes more work. And as someone who has listened to their fair share of screaming and wailing, and who has physically removed kid/left events early/not attended events/attended events that weren't kid friendly but attended due to family expectations/done a lot of work so that our issues don't impact on those around us, I can tell you that it is pretty painful.

I've also done it, because that's what you do - even on Christmas Day.

My point was not that these parents shouldn't do this - of course they should - just that I sympathise with them. It's a painful job.

--- End quote ---

And some people don't have the imagination to do things like take the kid in the other room and get involved in playing with them.

I remember saying to my DH, "would you watch DD while I cook dinner?" And his idea of watching her was to literally do that--watch her. Watch her walk back in to try to talk to me, etc., in the kitchen.

I had to say to him, literally, "Take her in the other room and get her to play with one of her toys, and keep her in the other room by distracting her with something. Read to her. Get down on the floor and roll the truck back and forth. Something!"

Not all parents have the skills. And it *is* hard--it takes energy, imagination, effort, etc. And when they're pre-verbal like this, it isn't that much fun. It's sort of a tough age to interact with.

Oh, sure, it's necessary, and it gets easier as you get more practiced.

But that's why I'd be saying, literally, "SIL, maybe you could take Nephew into the living room and read him a book? That will keep him busy until we're ready to eat."

Piratelvr1121:
My DH is like that too.  He's gotten better with the youngest in that he'll at least hand the little guy a toy or put his big stuffed dog (which is about the same size as Piratebabe is) on the floor for him to play with and talks to him about how he's playing with it as he watches. 

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page

Go to full version