At what point did you realize you were in love?

[mrkitty]

Dear moderators, if I mis-categorized this post, please kindly move at your discretion.

So, Shea mentioned in the small hugs thread that after she got her flu shot this year, she had a bad reaction and is under the weather today. That reminded me of the one-and-only time I got a flu shot, and a few weeks later got the worst flu of my life. I must have gotten a flu shot for the wrong strain of flu or something. In any case, I was terribly sick - it started off in the head and then moved into the chest.

Of course, being a person who is completely lacking in patience, I failed to take care of myself properly. As soon as I felt a slight bit better, I would go back to work and...relapse. A lot. I think I was sick on and off for about six months.

Meanwhile, I happened to meet my future DH at an event around Christmastime. Neither of us wanted to attend, but were sort of dragged there by friends.

We hit it off, started dating, and then the relationship evolved into something more serious.

Well, one night he took me to a lovely restaurant for dinner. I wasn't feeling particularly good that day. I think I was having kind of a relapse, only this time (or maybe it was something altogether different) it was more of a mild stomach upset.

Dinner was fine. We went back to his place after to watch a movie. Suddenly, I became very unwell. For those of you who are squeamish, I'll leave out any details whatsoever. Let's just say it was not a glamorous moment for me. I was so terribly sick, for about thirty seconds I was seriously contemplating asking FDH to summons an ambulance for me. Also, because it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, I thought for sure he would NEVER want to see me again.

But do you know what that sweetie did? Instead of kicking me out of his house, he picked me up, put me in the guest bedroom, and tended to me for the rest of the night, called into work for me the next day, and took me to urgent care - and then filled my prescription and nursed me for the rest of the weekend until I was well enough to get back home and recover.

If that wasn't enough, a week later, he did something even more amazing for me. I worked in a small newspaper bureau in a strip mall. Right next door was a small pet shop. Well, one day, someone dropped off a basket of kittens in front of their door. When I returned after covering a story later that morning, I saw the shop owner take the kittens inside. I thought he was going to adopt them out.

A few days later, I went outside for some air and he was outside. I asked him if he still had any kittens, because I LOVE them and thought I might try to talk my landlord into letting me buy one. The pet shop owner, to my horror, told me he had them all put down because it was too expensive to "prepare" them for adoption.

I cannot report here what my reaction was, because it was distinctly  not e-hell approved, having involved the use of several unsavory expletives.

A few days later, someone dropped off another basket of kittens in front of the murder factory pet shop. (This was a semi-rural community with a lot of nearby farms. I figured someone's farm cat or cats had a couple of litters and probably thought this was the best way to adopt them out, not realizing the pet shop owners were going to have them destroyed instead. Goodness knows I certainly didn't know that until they told me.)

I usually got to the office by around 8, well before the pet shop owners arrived and opened the chop. This time, I stole the kittens. Yes. I stole them. I don't care. There were six adorable, sweet, innocent little baby kittens in there and I was NOT going to let these murderers (!) get their hands on them. I do not apologize for that. Sorry.

Anyway, I had no idea what I was going to do with six fuzz babies, but I had to do something. The first person I could think of was FDH (although he wasn't my future husband YET), wondering if he had any ideas. He came right over, picked up the basket, and took them to his vet that he used for his own pets. FDH asked me to pick out three of of them that I liked. So, he got them examined, immunized and spayed and told me they were mine. The other three? Ended up being adopted by the vet, Dr. SuperWonderful best animal doctor EVER

At that moment, even though I suspected FDH was fantastic for how he handled me being sick, I knew without a doubt I would love this man forever.

A month later, he asked me...and I didn't have to think about it for a moment. Nine days ago we celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary. I'm hoping for nine times more years together. 

And Frankie, Ding-Ding and Baby still live with us today...the three adorable sisters who now have four feline non-biological brothers. And more, once we get back into a house of our own.

So...that's my story of how I fell in love with my spouse. Sorry for it being so long - extra super chocolate chip cookies for you if you've made it this far - do you want to share how or why you knew you'd found The One?

 

[magician5]

[Sidebar - this thread's gonna make an easy thousand pages!]

I was very recently out of a 7-year rel*tionship, and in a meeting I spied someone (as the song says) "across a crowded room". And please believe me, I watched her for a minute or two, and heard what she said the remainder of the meeting, and said to myself "Look! A normal person at last! Now there's a woman with possibilities!" I asked for her number, dithered foolishly almost 4 weeks and after some of my friends slapped some sense into me, I called.

I think I knew as soon as I found that we wanted pretty identically the same things out of life, even though she definitely had some red-flag behaviors. She still has them, but the difference now is that I've learned to accommodate ... I'm sure she's learned to put up with many upsetting characteristics of mine. She wasn't the most beautiful woman I'd met (I'm no James Bond myself), and she had as many issues as I did (just divorced), and I knew the whole rel*tionship was moving way too fast according to all the standard advice, but within 3 dates we were talking about "when we get married." We were married 7 months later, and it's been almost 27 years and have 2 fabulous sons, 24 and 21.

We've had some serious differences that maybe we should have worked out before marriage, but we cared enough about each other to work them out.  The proof, to me, that she's a magnificent woman, is that she's gone over and above the call of duty for me many times over the years (I'll spare you a number of squicky health-related stories) and she's never counted the cost. Most recently, she handled everything about my brother's funeral a year ago when I was so sick I couldn't even get out of bed to attend it (honestly truly and far too graphically to detail here).

I swear that each night, all night, I think more than once "that woman over there loves me, no mistaking it, and I'm so grateful."

[mrkitty]

magician5, I love your story. Thank you for sharing it. 

Your wife sounds like a wonderful person. I wish you many, many more years of happiness.

Sometimes, I think it's useful to remember why we fell in love with our significant others, especially when things get a little rough. When I do that, the reason I am annoyed just melts away when I recall how loving and wonderful he is.

[Silversurfer]

I think there are  a few moments that made me realise i was in love with my DH - not as dramatic as previous stories, but here goes.

It was our second date and DH stepped out of his car holding this huge bunch of flowers. THe main flower was several orange gerberas - which were and are my favourite flower. I hadnt told him about my flower preferences at that point.
I had made him brownies to take to work (he used to do 12 hour shifts) and when i saw him for the third date he was telling me how he was bragging to his coworkers that his girlfriend made him brownies! (this was before the talk.)

I just remember him being super  awesome and lovely when we started dating (he still is).

Great thread!

[norrina]

I met DF in a class we took together; the teacher started off the first day by having us introduce ourselves, and something just "clicked" when he made his introduction. Two months into the class I manufactured an excuse to exchange email addresses. I wouldn't admit it at the time, but I knew within probably a month of us spending time together that this was the man I was going to spend the rest if my life with. Every time he would cook me dinner, open my car door, or sing his son a bedtime song I fell a little bit more. I think the day he stole my heart though was about 6 months after we became friends. I had sold my house with a dog door to the fenced in back yard and moved temporarily to a house without a yard, about 10 minutes away from my downtown job. On this particular day, I needed to be at a downtown event that i was part of half an hour I got off work, so I was going to have to fly home, take my dog for the shortest walk in the history of walks, and fly back. I didn't have a dog walker I could call on because previously if I couldn't get home straight after work the dog was fine due to the yard access. I didn't really say anything to DF about my worry about juggling work, the event, and the dog, but he knew my schedule, and told me he would take care of the dog. He took her for a longer walk than she got with me on a good day, and hung out with her at the house afterward for a while too. He also got up in the middle of the night once to let her in when I didn't hear her whining (she would want out at about 5am and I would put her on her run and go back to bed for a couple hours; I kind of slept walked to do it and thought she was fine because when I woke up properly in the morning she was chill, but I guess she wasn't fine after all and I felt like a really bad dog mommy for not realizing).

[Shopaholic]

When I met my husband I had just gotten out of a relationship with a bat-poo crazy guy.
I found him attractive, and didn't plan on him for much more than a rebound...but he held on fast.

One day he had an errand to run near the building where I worked, which was in a place with very shabby infrastructure that nearly flooded every time it rained. By the time we made our way from the car to the building, my feet were soaked. So he dragged me to a nearby shop and bought me dry socks.

He's done a lot of great things since, but that gesture stands out to me as being incredibly sweet - and he's not a sweet guy, so he was obviously smitten.

[Thipu1]

I'd known Mr. Thipu through a running group for several years before we started dating.  In 1981 I didn't run the Westchester half-marathon but was setting up a picnic for other friend's who were.  I was looking for them at the end of the chutes when Mr. Thipu came out. 

We had plenty of food and the other members of the picnic knew him so I asked if he'd like to join us.

He was meeting another group so he politely declined.  However, he reached into the pocket of his running shorts and gave me his business card.  When he did that, I should have known what I was getting into but we made a date for the following week. 

Our first date was 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' followed by dinner at Goldberg's Pizzeria.  (yes, the place
really did exist).

At some point during the meal, we both put out our hands and, unplanned, said, 'I'm so glad we did this'.  it was just like a scene from a bad romantic comedy, but that was it for both of us.   

[Carotte]

There wasn't really a 'click' moment with me, and it was a little strange because up to meeting my SO I only had crushes that never turned into anything or very few short term relationsµips, so turns out I probably never been in love before, but knew I get attached quickly so this time I didn't want to run into anything that would leave me heartbroken if it were to break apart. But frankly I couldn't help think that I would gladly spend the rest of my life with this guy quite early on (I just didn't tell anyone).
But one moment that really stood out was one day we were walking down a street, playfully 'bothering' eachother (we were at that early stage were you kind of test the water of how the other one reacts to situations, to how you act, what you say). He pretended ignoring me/pouting - I did the same (or the other way around) and at one point he walked on without making sure I was following and stopped to look in a storefront. I quickly crossed the street, went ahead, and when he looked behind him, where I should have been, and started walking back to try and find me I crossed again and started walking behind him. The look he gave me when he finally realised I was behind, and when he grabbed me in his arms made my heart melt, it was like we had been apart for months . And the whole pantomime was performed in front of some café and restaurants, probably made a few people laugh

And everynow and then he looks at me with that 'I love you' face that must make single people sick but makes me smile the same goofy way.

[RebeccainGA]

DP would tell you that she fell in love with me while I was singing a song from Monty Python.

We had known each other for years online (in a shared interest e-mail group) and had flirted for years. We had even gotten a little more personal at one time, but I was young and she was not quite as young and flipped out when she found out how old I was (22 at the time - there's a 25+ year difference in our ages). We'd even sort of cooled to the point of not really talking, when I had the epic horror story of all time happen to me (or so it seemed at the time). Someone I'd dated briefly was supposed to be moving in with me, called to say she was on her way (6 hour drive) and never showed up, for almost a year - turned out she was put in jail for having an illegal handgun and lots of prescription narcotics that weren't hers in her car. This started us talking again (DP and I), since she felt so bad that someone had done this awful thing to someone she thought was so nice!

Three months after the twit didn't show up, I was laid off from my job. I was SO angry, and had both time and a little disposable cash on hand, and I decided to get out of town, all by myself. I'd planned Hawaii, but when DP offered to let me crash at her place in Little Rock, Arkansas, I figured what the heck, I won't have to pay for hotel space. I stayed a week, left, and she came to Florida the next month with her daughter to take DD to Sea World for her 10th BDay. I knew I loved her when I woke up one morning of their stay with the worst cramps ever, and she offered to clean the kitchen for me (it was a wreck from making dinner and DD's birthday cake the night before).

After their trip to Florida, I booked another flight to Little Rock, this time staying almost a month. One of the things I did while I was there was help her with some projects that needed to be done around the house, including cutting down some saplings and large branches from the many trees in the backyard. I know now it was also a bit of a test - to see if I was willing to help without being bribed. I apparently passed, and made her fall in love with me, by cheerfully dragging a small tree across the yard, singing "I am a lumberjack and I'm OK..." at the top of my lungs. :-)

[Allyson]

Drew and I started dating after our mutual friend invited a bunch of people to a movie, and we were the only two who showed up. After the three of us spent almost 24 hours together (which was its own crazy story), she thought there was something between us, so made sure we'd have other opportunities to get together.

About two or three months after we started seeing each other, I had a really awful nasty day at work. My nightmare coworker had stolen my tips for the day, made me miss my bus and have to wait half an hour for the next one, and in general had me almost in tears, which if you know me is a really rare occurrence. I texted Drew after work as I'd gotten in the habit of doing, just with a quick message. He must've sensed something off because he called me right away (we weren't in the habit of chatting over the phone, just texting) to ask what was up and make sure I was OK. I knew at that moment I wanted to keep him!

(Also I have to say that I love threads like this, and they seem to prove wrong the 'all women don't want nice guys' thing, as most stories are about the guy being super nice and awesome, not him doing something 'rebellious'. )

[mrkitty]

Thank you Allyson! I quite agree with you about disproving the myth that women like 'bad guys.' I think that is for the movies, myself. Because all the happy marriages I know of (and believe it or not, quite a few! yay!) started out with the attraction based on mutual kindness, consideration, respect.

I also like to think it disproves the notion that men have to dazzle women (or each other, as the case may be) with expensive gifts and signs of material wealth or status, or to look a certain way (applies to all genders). I think everyone, men, women, of every orientation, really just want to be with someone they can love and trust.

This Christmas, that is my wish for everyone who wants to find that 'special someone'. I hope these stories inspire them - and know that when the time is exactly right...the Universe (or religious deity of choice) will deliver....and probably someone even better than they had in mind...like in my case. Boy, am I glad that crush didn't work out....

I want to print out and give this thread to a friend of mine who feels lonely....but is looking for encouragement. And in all the wrong places...

[Jones]

When I first met DH I was dating his cousin. H was living with his grandmother, helping her tend the farm on weekends, and had taken in a litter of abandoned kittens. It was so cute, seeing this long-haired tattooed man cuddling the tiny kitties! But I wasn't in love...

Fast forward a year or two, Cousin and I had broken up, I'd had a couple other (short) relationships. DH and I moved in together as roommates and started realizing we "liked" each other. We had a whirlwind courtship and became married a few months later. It was a marriage based on mutual respect, combined interests, and he loved me, plus I was sick of the dating game. It took me about a year before I realized I loved him too; that year was difficult, but we're two kids later and grown into each other so much I don't know that I'd ever find anyone so perfect for me again. Yes, we drive each other batty, but it's definitely a long term love.

[Micah]

My other half and I just sort of drifted together. I was renting a room off him to start with & that sort of progressed to a bit more. He fell in love with me & told me so, but I'd never been in love and I'm not a very demonstrative person so I didn't really know what I felt. Eventually he proposed & I accepted because I knew I could quite comfortably spend the rest of my life with him. I loved him at that point, but it wasn't the earth shattering kind you read about or see in movies.....or so I thought.

Then he had an accident on a fishing boat and collapsed his lung. He had to be air flighted out. While I was standing in the hospital with him it suddenly hit me that he could die. I could have to spend to rest of my life without him. I literally collapsed on the floor. The poor nurses thought I'd fainted & I was too embarrassed to explain, but it was from that moment on that I knew he was the love of my life. (He recovered fine, btw.)

[MizA]

Up at an event in the northern part of BC about four years ago. We'd been dating- but not exclusively- for about two months, and had decided to buy a tent and hit a lot of the festivals over the summer.  We'd been up most of the night dancing and laughing and hanging out in the hot tub, so were pretty tired. But just really glowingly happy.

We were helping to strike the main common area with my bestie and her fellow. The crew decided to take a little break, and the djs were playing some incredible music. My friend and I were dancing, because the best part about dancing all night is dancing well into the afternoon.  I looked over to where he was standing, and saw him just kind of *staring* at me. It knocked the wind right out of me, and it made my insides all clutch up into this delicious little knot. Because, right then, we both just *knew*.

Later that day, he asked me to come and meet his grannie.  We're getting married in May. And man, his proposal was the happiest accident of my entire life.

[CakeEater]

DH and I met through mutual friends, and after some dithering about early on (and a completely disastrous first proper date), we had dated for about three months when he told me he thought we would probably get married, and I freaked out a little bit, but forged on.

It was maybe a couple of months after that we were visiting his parents and I saw how much he cared about his parents, and his siblings that made me decide that this was it.