Etiquette School is in session! > "What an interesting assumption."

It's not what it looks like. No, really. But thanks for asking...I think.

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mrkitty:
The woman in the ER was so out of line she was orbiting Pluto. She wasn't a nurse, doctor, or social worker. It isn't her job to intervene - if she thought you were in trouble she should have said something to the Triag nurse. The biggest reason she was wrong - is that if you had been abused her actions could have gotten you killed - especially the part where she confronted your husband. Could you imagine what an abuser would have done to his victim after being confronted by that woman?



I hadn't even thought of that. Very good point. I guess we looked at it from the perspective of a rather huge invasion of privacy but a kind gesture nonetheless. Now that you brought up this angle, I can see how her intervention could have taken a very dangerous turn if the situation was as she thought. I don't think I personally would ever have the nerve to go up to someone like that.

KenveeB:

--- Quote from: kherbert05 on December 26, 2012, 05:43:06 AM ---The woman in the ER was so out of line she was orbiting Pluto. She wasn't a nurse, doctor, or social worker. It isn't her job to intervene - if she thought you were in trouble she should have said something to the Triag nurse. The biggest reason she was wrong - is that if you had been abused her actions could have gotten you killed - especially the part where she confronted your husband. Could you imagine what an abuser would have done to his victim after being confronted by that woman?

--- End quote ---

Exactly! I could see saying something to the woman if you think she's being abused and want to know she has support or can get help or something. But to make her little smug, self-righteous speech to the person she thinks is an abuser? What on EARTH would that have accomplished except to make sure he'd take it out on his wife later and not allow her to seek medical care in the future? Good grief! That was not just rude and not helpful, it was actively harmful if it was the situation she thought it was.

On a side note, OP, I hope you're feeling better! That sounds horrible.

MommyPenguin:
MY question is... how are you feeling?  I was reading the story waiting to find out if the doctor was able to do anything to help.  I hope they could!

I agree with the others that the woman is a busybody.  Honestly, even if you *did* have a black eye and a bruised face, that wouldn't mean your husband did it.  So *starting* her approach with "you should leave that man!" would be wrong in a huge number of circumstances.  And even if he *had* done it, that approach would immediately put you on the defensive.  A *much* better approach would be more along the lines of, "Your face looks pretty painful!  Did your husband hit you?  You should know that that's really not the way a normal relationship goes.  Most husband don't hit their wives, and it's not right.  Please tell somebody, they'll get you help, honest.  You could tell the doctor here when you go in."  Or something.  I'm not saying this is perfect wording, but women tend to stay with abusers because they think they love him, that he loves her, or because they think it's normal, or they don't know where else to go or what to do.  Starting a conversation with "leave him" won't get anywhere.

Sophia:
I once had a black eye from whacking myself with a doorknob.  (It took talent.  I was sitting on the floor and used a door to help myself up)
I had many days of explaining what I did to myself.  I was fairly new at work, and I think it was only the lack of repeats that convinced co-workers and boss that I wasn't a battered woman. 

CaptainObvious:

--- Quote from: kherbert05 on December 26, 2012, 05:43:06 AM ---I'm pretty sure any woman that goes into an ER with a man, is separated and asked if she is safe especially on a high stress day like Christmas. It has happened to both my Mom and Sister. Which we got because they had bruises and broken bones from falls. (Sis even had someone do an intervention at work. Thing is BIL has been in a different part of the state or a different state for each of the serious accidents - except the time sis broke both knees skiing)


But I've gotten the are you safe at home questions for allergic reactions. That is simply part of their job and no judgement on you or your husband.


The woman in the ER was so out of line she was orbiting Pluto. She wasn't a nurse, doctor, or social worker. It isn't her job to intervene - if she thought you were in trouble she should have said something to the Triag nurse. The biggest reason she was wrong - is that if you had been abused her actions could have gotten you killed - especially the part where she confronted your husband. Could you imagine what an abuser would have done to his victim after being confronted by that woman?

The only thing I can think of that you could have done differently is get help sooner. I have frequent sinus infections. My doctor told me not to allow them to get that bad, because the infection can damage the bones if allowed to go on to long. If they are keeping you awake at night it is time to get help.

--- End quote ---

I am curious as to why you always jump to the worst possible conclusion in every thread?
Yes the woman was out of line, but I am pretty sure the chances of you being in a situation like this again are slim to none.

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