General Etiquette > Holidays

A Christmas No Thank You.

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Thipu1:
Everyone in the family really seems to love a particular type of Brooklyn cheesecake.  It's become a tradition for us to send every family a cake along with a gift of cash. These have always been well received...until this year.

We make a Christmas Day phone call in which everyone thanks everyone else for the lovely gifts.

One member of the family had a different view. 

She's Vegan.  In the past, she always made exceptions for the cheesecake and a particular type of Italian meat sandwich. Now, she won't.

On the phone, she told us that the gift of cheesecake was not acceptable and we had to provide a gift of something she could eat.  She sounded quite offended that we should consider sending her a cheesecake and strongly suggested a gift of nuts.  Our gift of cash was not mentioned.

We'll send nuts but, you have to wonder. 

BTW, this is the only household in the family from which we have received neither a gift nor a card.



 

 

     

Kaypeep:
It's not clear to me if this family member is the sole recipient of the cake, or head of household that receives a cake.   But I do think in either case that if you know she is vegan, it's not really nice to send a gift she can't enjoy or partake of.    I suppose she could use the cash part of the gift, but if I were her I might see it as "Oh, you can't eat the cake so here's some money to buy whatever you want." and feel like an afterthought.

CaptainObvious:

--- Quote from: Thipu1 on December 26, 2012, 10:31:38 AM ---Everyone in the family really seems to love a particular type of Brooklyn cheesecake.  It's become a tradition for us to send every family a cake along with a gift of cash. These have always been well received...until this year.

We make a Christmas Day phone call in which everyone thanks everyone else for the lovely gifts.

One member of the family had a different view. 

She's Vegan.  In the past, she always made exceptions for the cheesecake and a particular type of Italian meat sandwich. Now, she won't.

On the phone, she told us that the gift of cheesecake was not acceptable and we had to provide a gift of something she could eat.  She sounded quite offended that we should consider sending her a cheesecake and strongly suggested a gift of nuts.  Our gift of cash was not mentioned.

We'll send nuts but, you have to wonder. 

BTW, this is the only household in the family from which we have received neither a gift nor a card.



 

 

   

--- End quote ---

I think maybe she is tired of "making exceptions" for a gift that she can't make use of. On one hand she does seem ungrateful, but I can also see why she spoke up. I don't know, I have mixed feelings about her response.

Momiitz:
I think it's time to start sending this family member a very nice card for Christmas. No gift and no money.

Your family member as a vegan has always enjoyed and eaten the cheesecake in the past and so it was not rude or wrong for you to send it. If she had decided to go full vegan she could have called you in November and politely let you know so you could send something else in place of the cheesecake.

I probably would not send her anything else to replace the cake either.

Hillia:
If she's always made an exception for the cheesecake in the past, but isn't now - whether she was really making an exception or just 'being polite' - the time to speak up about it isn't after the gift was received, but some months earlier.  'Oh, just so you know, we're really sticking much more closely to our vegan diet, so we won't be able to eat the cheesecake this year' or something similar.  The cheesecake arrives every year, it's not like it's a surprise.  i think she's a bit rude to demand a replacement gift after giving no indication the original wouldn't be acceptable.

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