S/O of obvious disparity

[buvezdevin]

The additional background is sad, not least because your DSD lost her mother young, but because your DH is treating that loss as a permanent infirmity of hers that could be assuaged with monetary items, or trying to make every other aspect of her life better than that of her peers as though that could compensate.

He is not doing her any favors by this treatment, aside from the rifts he is sowing between other family members, yourself and DS included, but not exclusively.

[rain]

And honestly, poor DSD. She's fully absorbed the message that goes with her father's spoiling - she deserves and should always get better than everyone else. That is likely to damage the relationship between her and her cousins and step sibling on a long term basis.  Plus, people with attitudes like that litter the worst stories on this board. People tend not to like entitled demanding selfish people very much, or want to spend time with them (or hire them, for that matter).  And spoiled children tend not to deal well with real life, when Daddy can't buy them better or browbeat people into giving stuff to them.

blarg - I never thought of that (problems with her cousins in the future)


DSD & DH have been better now that she's gone to college, but.... (I'll sign out on this issue for now)


Thank you everyone who gave me input .... I wondered what "normal" was

(oh - for those who think DSD gets the short end of the stick when it comes to gifts because her DM passed ... her maternal grandparents have taken her on a cruise, trips, paid for 1/2 her car, etc..., she's their only grandchild, trust me, she gets more from her mother's family than anyone else {cousins/step} gets from any of their grandparents - so there's no need for her dad to try to make things "even")

[thedudeabides]

OP here - sigh - I try  to make the presents equal (ok, sometimes I agonize over it).

DH ruined it for me... but doesn't know that he upset me

I'm the gift buyer, stocking stuffer (including my own stocking), etc.  DH will get one gift for each of the kids (his DD & my DS)

This year DH got me something I didn't expect as a "stocking stuffer" - 'bout $150 value, he got DSD a new Ipod for her stocking, and for DS's stocking  an $5-$8 dice game - which DH picked up for me as it made the kids stockings equal (DS was at his dad's & wasn't with us when the rest of us got our stockings)

   Now, I want nothing to do with the gift he'd gotten me because it hurts that I try to treat the kids equally, and he sees nothing wrong with doing what he did. 

   I don't know if I'm odd or not, but I tend to have feelings/emotions/memories attached to things - I went from happy/excited to hurt ....

Does your son's father give him gifts?

Being visibly shorted by one biological parent just because you have another biological parent not living under that roof doesn't do anything but teach you just how much (well, little) the biological parent and stepparent you live with values you. It's not fair and it certainly doesn't build solid family bonds.

[miranova]

OP here - sigh - I try  to make the presents equal (ok, sometimes I agonize over it).

DH ruined it for me... but doesn't know that he upset me

I'm the gift buyer, stocking stuffer (including my own stocking), etc.  DH will get one gift for each of the kids (his DD & my DS)

This year DH got me something I didn't expect as a "stocking stuffer" - 'bout $150 value, he got DSD a new Ipod for her stocking, and for DS's stocking  an $5-$8 dice game - which DH picked up for me as it made the kids stockings equal (DS was at his dad's & wasn't with us when the rest of us got our stockings)

   Now, I want nothing to do with the gift he'd gotten me because it hurts that I try to treat the kids equally, and he sees nothing wrong with doing what he did. 

   I don't know if I'm odd or not, but I tend to have feelings/emotions/memories attached to things - I went from happy/excited to hurt ....

Does your son's father give him gifts?

Being visibly shorted by one biological parent just because you have another biological parent not living under that roof doesn't do anything but teach you just how much (well, little) the biological parent and stepparent you live with values you. It's not fair and it certainly doesn't build solid family bonds.

Totally agree.

[PurpleyBlue]

OP here - sigh - I try  to make the presents equal (ok, sometimes I agonize over it).

DH ruined it for me... but doesn't know that he upset me

I'm the gift buyer, stocking stuffer (including my own stocking), etc.  DH will get one gift for each of the kids (his DD & my DS)

This year DH got me something I didn't expect as a "stocking stuffer" - 'bout $150 value, he got DSD a new Ipod for her stocking, and for DS's stocking  an $5-$8 dice game - which DH picked up for me as it made the kids stockings equal (DS was at his dad's & wasn't with us when the rest of us got our stockings)

   Now, I want nothing to do with the gift he'd gotten me because it hurts that I try to treat the kids equally, and he sees nothing wrong with doing what he did. 

   I don't know if I'm odd or not, but I tend to have feelings/emotions/memories attached to things - I went from happy/excited to hurt ....

Does your son's father give him gifts?

Being visibly shorted by one biological parent just because you have another biological parent not living under that roof doesn't do anything but teach you just how much (well, little) the biological parent and stepparent you live with values you. It's not fair and it certainly doesn't build solid family bonds.

Totally agree.

Me too.  Because he has so many family celebrations to attend, my step-son will always end up getting more gifts than my daughter at Christmas.  That's the way the cookie crumbles.  If she ever complains, we'll explain it to her and she'll learn that everyone doesn't always get exactly what someone else does.  I would never, ever give her more gifts right in front of him to try and make up for something that goes on in another household.  They are both our children and get treated the same.