General Etiquette > general

New Years Party; wanting to keep everyone comfortable.

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I wasn't entirely sure where this belonged so I hope this is appropriate to put here..

First a big of background:
Boyfriend has hosted a holiday/new years party for many many years now. This entailed inviting many friends over (with some years having considerably more guests then others. The date was never on the same day each year so schedules are always changing) to enjoy playing video games, card games, and generally catching up for the evening. Tasty food is offered to the guests and anyone is welcome to bring something of their own if they wish, one friend makes an excellent peppermint bark that Boyfriend is crazy about. The thing is, he had been living at home until we recently moved in together at an apartment complex. Since he was at home (his parents always welcomed his guests and enjoyed having them over) he had the entire basement to set up the party and not be bothering anyone. /end BG

Now the two of us are in an apartment building shared by three other tenants. The apartments are a cluster of buildings with the apartment buildings having only four 'homes' in each building. Each building is a fair distance away from the next so the buildings end up forming a large enclosed space for a huge 'yard' in the center. The apartments are set up so we share an enclosed 'hallway' with two homes on the first floor and two on the top. Each home's door faces the other's with the landing in between. Boyfriend and I are on the top floor with every other home being occupied.

This year we are having significantly less individuals invited for the fact we do not have the same space and do not want to disrupt the tenants around us. Boyfriend has thought about leaving a note for each tenant letting them know that on X date we will be having a small get together that may go on a bit late (since we're now in an apartment we will not be having 6 people over at 3am playing noisy video games but people may stay late for some chit chat) and if we are disturbing them in anyway to please let us know.

Would this be appropriate to do so? I am afraid it might seem like we're preparing to be loud and disruptive or that someone may mistake this note as an invitation.

Our neighbor directly across from us is a lovely woman but we've only spoken to her once or twice. Another woman I've also met very very briefly. There is a young adult male who lives here as well and I have felt uncomfortable with for various reasons. Somewhere in the apartment a man and woman are often heatedly arguing to a point where I am fearful it might escalate to them both getting physically aggressive.

Being that neither of us are familiar with anyone here and some of them are not people I want to get to know (such as the young adult man and the arguing couple, I am not sure who they are since I only ever hear them below us) I do not want Boyfriends good intentions of opening up communication to be taken as an invitation to a close gathering of friends. I  particularly would not want to deal with informing the arguing couple that our party is for close friends and that note was not an invitation.

I would like to know what you guys think about leaving a note along the lines of:

Fellow tenants, (I am not sure of anyone's name so I am unsure how to address this)

We would like to inform everyone that on -date- we will be having a small group of friends over from Y toX in the evening .  We do not wish to cause any disruptions to you or others in the apartments so if at any time we are disrupting you please feel free to come and let us know.

We hope you had a lovely holiday season, best wishes X and Y #4

Would something like this be appropriate? Should it be worded differently? I am not really sure about is this would be considered 'good' or 'bad', our intent is to let the other residents know that they should not feel 'afraid' to let us know if we're being disruptive but I am afraid it might sound like a 'warning' somehow. Like "Oh hey we're having 500 people over and we're gonna play super screamo hardcore metal rock band at 4am" :\

I think its a really nice thing to do and I wouldnt be bothered at all! I love parties!, LilacRosey

I think it comes across just fine. It does not come across (to me) as an invitation. And it seems a considerate thing to do, to warn them and also let them know that this is not a regular occurrence. I think most people are pretty forgiving of the occasional party noise (within reason); it's when it happens every weekend that people start to get annoyed.

I think you're being very kind and considerate.

I wish you were my neighbors.

We live in an apartment (ground floor with one attached unit - like a duplex) and our neighbors often have people over. It's not a problem except for when they go outside in the front and talk in front of our living room window. It seems at night sound carries pretty far. Usually they break up around 3 a.m. on weeknights, so it's a little annoying.

What's worse, though, is the parking situation - I wish they would not block our driveway or clog the very narrow street.

Which reminds me, have you given any thought to the parking situation for your guests? If parking is tight in your neighborhood, you might want to give your guests whatever guidelines or restrictions your landlord has in place (if any), if you haven't already done so.

But I think you're being very polite and considerate to your neighbors, who should probably be very grateful for nice neighbors like you.  ;D

Your note is great.  I'd address it "Dear Neighbor". 

If the party is on New Year's Eve or a Friday or Saturday, you have more leeway than if it's on a night when people have to go to work the next day.  But either way, minimize the noise as much as possible.  If you can hear the neighbors arguing, they can hear you partying. 


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