I am the Christmas grinch :( (Christmas card mess-up) UPDATE #12

[guihong]

Hi, all:

Firstly, I wanted to wish all my Ehell friends a very happy holiday season, despite family tensions or a tough year, and I hope you know that I have enjoyed my time on this board so much and am looking forward to 2013 with optimism. 

Here's what happened:

On another board I belong to, there was a Holiday Card Exchange, where one person took our info (screened, of course) and we each got a copy of the list.  I received many cards from folks on this list.  I thought this would help me "do" Christmas.

But, and it is my fault, I sank into a depression at the beginning of December and stayed there all month.  I didn't do my cards .  I was going to do them right after Christmas, but then we've had a blackout for three nights  .   The house is a mess, I have laundry to do until next June, and I'm just not up to this.  I did see someone for the depression, and am getting help, but it's tenuous. 

Would it be terribly rude (well, it is rude, but from 1-10, how rude?) to go on the card exchange thread and say just that, that due to all this happening that I cannot write out every individual card but that I send my hopes for each person's holiday season and the New Year coming up?  Next year, I've learned not to commit to this, but would that blunt the rudeness somewhat?

[jayhawk]

I think that would be a good thing to do-you don't need to go into fine detail; just a short explanation, apology and thanks for the cards you received. Hope the New Year is a better one!

[Cosmasia]

That's perfectly fine, they're just cards. It's nice when things are reciprocated and it's expected in an exchange, but your health comes first. You don't choose to fall into depression.

I think a short note about it is all you need, nothing more. I'd be surprised if anyone was going to get seriously mad or annoyed just because they didn't get a card from you, especially in your situation.

[Bijou]

I think what you plan to do is a good idea, and scores nowhere on the rudeness scale, at all.  It's just one of those things.  I hope you feel better.

[Deetee]

I think you can apologize and thank everyone for their cards. Mention that you were ill and couldn't do the cards.  I wouldn't get into the too much laundry or details like that because it just makes people think that laundry is more important than they are.

Easter Cards?

[gmatoy]

As someone who suffers from depression, I would suggest saying "medical issues" as opposed to "depression."  I think many people have no idea what makes up the medical version of depression.  (I've gotten tired of explaining, can you tell?)

[AustenFan]

OP, while I sympathize, I don't think having depression absolves you of your responsibility to follow through on the card exchange. Could you send generic cards thanking them for their cards and wishing them the best for 2013? If that just feels like one more task adding to your stress level then by all means post the message, but I still think you should try.

I agree that you should just tell people that a medical issue prevented them from being sent earlier, too many people are still ignorant about clinical vs. generic depressed.

[Raintree]

You took on something you ended up being not up to doing. I think that while under normal circumstances, if you commit to something, you should do it, you also have to look after yourself sometimes. Your health is being affected and you need to cut back on the load on your shoulders to a manageable level. While everyone's participation in the Christmas Card exchange is important for its success, I'm looking at it thinking, "Nobody's going to die, fall ill, or be seriously inconvenienced by this." It's not as though you failed to show up for a group of carpoolers, or left a bunch of children standing out in the rain after dark with nobody looking out for them, or showed up two hours late for a volunteer position at an event that needed you to run smoothly. I don't think anyone is going to be seriously incovenienced by not getting a card.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying people should sign up for these things willy-nilly and not follow through, but the OP really does sound as though she needs to prioritize here, and put herself first. And those of us who have not been through a major depression cannot really fathom what it's like. I'm told it can be next to impossible to motivate yourself to get out of bed, let alone write out a bunch of cards.

So I'm going to vote for sending the group one message saying, "Thanks so much for the cards, and my apologies - due to circumstances beyond my control, I was unable to follow through on my commitment to send out cards to the list. I realize each person's contribution is integral to the success of the card exchange, and I hope you'll forgive me. Have a wonderful 2013, everyone."

It wouldn't be a lie - nobody "wants" to suffer from depression and it's therefore a circumstance beyond your control.

[The Wild One, Forever]

You didn't ask for them, but (((((HUGS)))))   I know how it feels, trust me.  There is no possible way I would have been up to doing cards this year, (even if it seemed like a good idea in a momentary burst of energy/enthusiasm.)  As someone above stated, they are just cards, and you are fine not to send them.  Make your online note of "apology" short and sweet, and maybe hang onto the list to send cards for a future occasion when you are feeling better. 

Which I hope is soon.   

[Winterlight]

I think you can apologize and thank everyone for their cards. Mention that you were ill and couldn't do the cards.  I wouldn't get into the too much laundry or details like that because it just makes people think that laundry is more important than they are.

Easter Cards?

This.

[BarensMom]

When I was still working, my bosses preferred for our "holiday" cards to be sent out so the postmark read December 26th.  This was to avoid any idea that the cards were for Christmas, as many of our clients were in non-Christian countries.

OP, there's still time to send out New Year's cards, or some generic "Happy Holiday" cards w/o apology.  After all, the 12th day of Christmas is January 6th.

[wolfie]

I would try to send cards now anyway if you can. If you can't then a note posted on the board is better then nothing. Do not be surprised if you are not allowed to sign up for any type of exchange on this board again.

[guihong]

Here's what happened:

I wrote this note on the card thread:

Everyone-

I want to extend my apologies for not doing my cards, as I'd signed up for. Earlier this month, I had some medical issues and then from Christmas until last night, there was a blackout. I hope I will be forgiven, and I will of course take myself off any further list next year.

I want to wish all of you the very best for 2013; may this coming year bring you and your loved ones health, happiness and of course, more love. Thank you for understanding.

I do thank each of you for the cards I have received. You have all been very kind and generous with your time, and you have my deepest thanks.

~gui

Within 5 minutes, I had a message from the coordinator, saying "Oh, Gui, I am sorry you had a hard holiday and I hope you feel better soon.  Thank you for your note, and no worries!" 

So, while not ideal, it seems to have worked out.  I'll just make next year so much simpler and not sign up for anything like that.  Thanks for listening!

[Winterlight]

Glad it worked out!