Unwanted guest invited to gathering

[fnygrl]

The bully is creepy! She needs to get a life! Too bad the LunchNeighbor told her that you both, in fact, had had lunch together. I'm glad that LunchNeighbor called you to tell you because it was so weird! Now you can keep each other apprised. Hopefully, the bully is just bored, nosey and jealous and it doesn't escalate into punctured tires or other things.

I am SO glad the LunchNeighbor called me and told me!  I would have had no idea!  And it REALLY makes me think so differently about the entire situation!  Wow!  I'm still blown away.

Scary that you mention punctured tires - about a year ago I went out to my car to find two punctured tires (both on the drivers side).  I have no idea who did it, but perhaps (?) it was her?  I wouldn't ever point the finger, of course, especially because there's no way to prove it, but certainly makes me rethink things!

Thanks so much for helping during this crazy ride, Danika!

[Danika]

Glad to be of any help I can. 

I lived in an apartment complex once and my tires were punctured. The situation started as I was living on the 3rd (top) floor and had vaulted ceilings and a fireplace. The 2nd floor apartment had neither, but they only paid $10 less a month in rent. They wanted to get us kicked out so that they could get our apartment, I guess. The woman in the 2nd floor apartment worked for the apartment management and knew what needed to get done to make that happen. And they filed all these bogus complaints. We weren't even home when a lot of the complaints allegedly took place. I wrote to the owners of the apartment complex because the management ignored us (cuz the complainant worked in that office). The owners came down on the management like a ton of bricks. The woman got fired. They had to move. They knew what carport had my car. And my tires were punctured. Sigh. And then I got the tires repaired at a shady place and had problems with my tires and alignment for a long time after that, but I digress.

Just keep your eyes peeled, you and LunchNeighbor. Just in case.

[fnygrl]

Glad to be of any help I can. 

I lived in an apartment complex once and my tires were punctured. The situation started as I was living on the 3rd (top) floor and had vaulted ceilings and a fireplace. The 2nd floor apartment had neither, but they only paid $10 less a month in rent. They wanted to get us kicked out so that they could get our apartment, I guess. The woman in the 2nd floor apartment worked for the apartment management and knew what needed to get done to make that happen. And they filed all these bogus complaints. We weren't even home when a lot of the complaints allegedly took place. I wrote to the owners of the apartment complex because the management ignored us (cuz the complainant worked in that office). The owners came down on the management like a ton of bricks. The woman got fired. They had to move. They knew what carport had my car. And my tires were punctured. Sigh. And then I got the tires repaired at a shady place and had problems with my tires and alignment for a long time after that, but I digress.

Just keep your eyes peeled, you and LunchNeighbor. Just in case.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that!  How ridiculous some people are and to make bogus complaints?!  Even worse.  Glad they got what was coming to them.  I guess things do come full circle, don't they?

I'll be on the lookout for my neighbor and tires!  I hope she doesn't think of doing anything.  Glad I have the LunchNeighbor looking out for me.  An extra set of eyes and ears are always helpful!

PS - I never blocked or deleted the bully from my facebook account.  And since I sent the response text to her yesterday, now she's back to 'liking' all of my posts and photos.  So weird.

[GrammarNerd]

Fnygirl, I'd say that it appears you have the upper hand now!  Congratulations!  Think about that, smile to yourself about how totally bugged she is, and let that knowledge help you firm up your new spine!

I have to wonder, though, if perhaps it's more people than just you who have decided to dial waaaaay back on their 'friendship' with her.  Seems that for having virtually no contact for the last several months, she's awfully obsessed with your comings and goings now.  And making the comment about not knowing that you two were even friends....weird.  What's it to her? So that makes me wonder if some of the others in the neighborhood have been giving her the cold shoulder too, which may have prompted her to start her 'surveillance' of not just you, but maybe some other people.  No proof, but just a thought.

Question: before you saw her for what she was and started trying to actively avoid her, did you two do things together, one on one, or was it just as a part of a larger group? 

Did your LunchNeighbor give her much information?  And what did Bully tell LunchNeighbor about why she even asked about your lunch?  I mean, that question was just outright nosey!  I'm really curious to know how she spun her question or even her whole conversation with LunchNeighbor so she didn't sound like a horrible busybody!

[fnygrl]

Fnygirl, I'd say that it appears you have the upper hand now!  Congratulations!  Think about that, smile to yourself about how totally bugged she is, and let that knowledge help you firm up your new spine!

I have to wonder, though, if perhaps it's more people than just you who have decided to dial waaaaay back on their 'friendship' with her.  Seems that for having virtually no contact for the last several months, she's awfully obsessed with your comings and goings now.  And making the comment about not knowing that you two were even friends....weird.  What's it to her? So that makes me wonder if some of the others in the neighborhood have been giving her the cold shoulder too, which may have prompted her to start her 'surveillance' of not just you, but maybe some other people.  No proof, but just a thought.

Question: before you saw her for what she was and started trying to actively avoid her, did you two do things together, one on one, or was it just as a part of a larger group? 

Did your LunchNeighbor give her much information?  And what did Bully tell LunchNeighbor about why she even asked about your lunch?  I mean, that question was just outright nosey!  I'm really curious to know how she spun her question or even her whole conversation with LunchNeighbor so she didn't sound like a horrible busybody!

Thank you, GrammarNerd!

I didn't get to speak for too long with my LunchNeighbor because she was on her way to work, but from what she told me so far, the bully called her yesterday with the main purpose of talking about our going to lunch last week.  She started in with, "Rumor has it you and fnygrl went to lunch last week".  Clearly, she didn't even try to cover up or "cloak" her phone call to be about something else.  LunchNeighbor said that the bully was shocked (she used that word) that we went to lunch and that she (the bully) and her husband talked about it and didn't even know we (LN and I) were friends to begin with.  (So she even brought her husband in on the thoughts in her head)  The bully didn't say where the bully heard "the rumor", nor did my LunchNeighbor ask. 

LunchNeighbor then began to briefly tell me that certain other neighbors are put off by the bully, as well as her (LunchNeighbor's) husband.  During the conversation LN invited myself and my family to her home for SuperBowl Sunday and she said that she and her husband would NOT (made a loud point of saying NOT) be inviting the bully and her family because of how she makes others feel and that LN's husband "can't stand her" because of how she acts and speaks to others.  WOW!  I mean WOW!  Who knew?! 

To answer your questions about our doing things together - in the last three years, we might have gotten together three times with our own children, and than a small handful of times this past year with my friends and their children, whom I introduced the bully to (one of them was recently trying to set up the birthday gathering in my honor - hence my original post about the "unwanted guest")  But aside from that, we never got together one-on-one for lunch, drinks, or anything in between.  We would sometimes chat on the sidewalk when one of us was coming or going, but I wouldn't consider ourselves good friends in any sense of the word.

I can certainly pat myself on the back for handling things the way I did recently as, even though I felt screwed up in the head - I didn't go "crazy" and "go off on her" or anything like that, but a huge part in to my getting the "upper hand" goes to you all at e-hell for listening and literally walking me through the process.  Thank you all so much!  What might seem foolish to some was a really big deal to me (even though I HATE that it was and I'm trying to change that!) and you all stood by me and helped me through.  Thank you!  I hope to carry this feeling with me for the rest of my life! 

[PastryGoddess]

I think there needs to be a Shiny Spine Theme Song   that all E-hellions can hum to themselves when they get the upper hand over the rude and uncouth

[fnygrl]

I think there needs to be a Shiny Spine Theme Song   that all E-hellions can hum to themselves when they get the upper hand over the rude and uncouth

YES!  I love that idea, PastryGoddess!

[Roe]

Fnygrl, it's not silly.  When you've been programmed to be "nice" and not make waves, it's super easy for someone to take advantage of you or to bully you.  It takes much support to get past that way of thinking and takes even more effort to move yourself to action. 

Yay for you!!!! 

[VorFemme]

I nominate Queen's "We are the champions"!

[rose red]

Sounds like middle school.  The mean girl bully someone, but once that someone don't care, the mean girl is desperate to be friends.  Once they are friends, it's back to bullying.  Glad to hear you are not giving her that chance.

[EMuir]

Interesting updates.  If I were you, I'd just post Facebook updates to a custom friends list that doesn't include her.  That's what I do with people who I know would be drama llamas if I unfriended them.  They just never see updates from me. Put them in your "aquaintances" group, there's an automatic Facebook option for posting to "Friends except aquaintances".

Good luck! She does sound like an absolute bully who is worried that she's losing control over you.  She doesn't know she's already fully lost control! Ha!

[TootsNYC]

How did we get to the point where now the OP is thinking that he neighbor is going to puncture her car tires!?!?!?!??!?!

[Danika]

How did we get to the point where now the OP is thinking that he neighbor is going to puncture her car tires!?!?!?!??!?!

OP didn't say she thought that, nor did I. I said "Hopefully, the bully is just bored, nosey and jealous and it doesn't escalate into punctured tires or other things."

And apparently, my guess wasn't completely out of the realm of normal because OP responded "about a year ago I went out to my car to find two punctured tires (both on the drivers side).  I have no idea who did it, but perhaps (?) it was her?  I wouldn't ever point the finger, of course, especially because there's no way to prove it, but certainly makes me rethink things!"

[TootsNYC]

I think your comment about punctured tires was over the top.
That's what took us into several posts about this.

[Danika]

I apologize for derailing the thread.