Author Topic: "You can give So and SO your old one!"  (Read 12069 times)

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25wishes

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #15 on: December 30, 2012, 09:10:49 AM »
I just say "Oh, I've already got plans for the old one." Just leave it at that. You don't owe an explanation of what those plans are, even if it's to keep it for yourself!

"Oh, I've already got plans for the old one - maybe YOU could buy her one!!!!" Said with a bright smile.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #16 on: December 30, 2012, 10:03:45 AM »
Reminds me of the people who insisted that I had to get driving practice between lessons when I was a learner, and "someone" would let me use their car for it.

mstigerlily

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #17 on: December 30, 2012, 10:28:29 AM »
"If Amanda would like it, tell her it'll be $xx"

Phoebe

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #18 on: December 30, 2012, 01:35:07 PM »
This happened with a teacher, but it could be anyone, and I think the etiquette of it is interesting.

I just bought a kindle fire HD. My professor, who has a habit of hiring past students to help her as needed, wanted to see it and decide whether to buy an I pad mini or the fire HD. So Saturday when I was being her "Saturday Chauffeur" so she could play with it.
 She gave it a good going over and played with it for about a half hour - and then announced that the student who usually works with her on Saturdays wanted a kindle fire and since I had the new one, I could "Just give Amanda* your old one" - I must admit to choking on my drink, at that as I told her that was not going to happen - she was pretty put out.
  This is not the first person I've seen try to commandeer stuff from one person to another, because someone had more than Someone thinks they "need". Is it just me or does this come out as rude - and what is the polite way to handle this - because I doubt choking on your drink/words is the right way to go.

It's beyond rude. Unfortunately it seems to be the prevailing mindset.   I wish I knew a more polite way to respond, but the best I've managed is "I worked hard to earn my money and scrimped and saved to buy it; you could, too."   

Raintree

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #19 on: December 30, 2012, 11:25:17 PM »
Or you could say, "Oh I'm selling it on Craigslist for $XXX but if she wants to buy it, I'll hold it for her."

First thing that would come to my mind though would be to say I had plans for it.

TootsNYC

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #20 on: December 31, 2012, 12:23:20 AM »
So many people do this, don't they?

I remember my  fiancÚ's mom (now my MIL) saying, when I commented that I wouldn't need my double bed when I moved in w/ my DH, "Oh, you can give it to this cousin!" I was really more than a little offended by the automatic assumption that HIS family would benefit from it. As if I had no one or no other plan. That bed had been an important symbol of adulthood to me, and it was sort of a charged issue.

I tried to remember that she was just trying to be helpful, but it really did bother me. And the feeling that my individuality had just be swallowed up by his big family sat with me for a long time.

I like the, "I have plans for it" idea. That's sort of what I said.

Danika

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #21 on: December 31, 2012, 06:02:33 AM »
I've had that happen to me and it made me so mad! But in my case, it was my grandmother, and because I knew her well, I knew her intent was to insult me by saying that I was living an extravagant lifestyle by having two of something when really one should be enough.

I think choking on your drink was the perfect response! You don't owe her an explanation. She was the one out of line, not you.

Where we live, it's very snowy. I've had my eye on a very specific model sports car since I was 11 years old. When I was 21, I bought my first car, but I could only afford a practical car and I needed a reliable one, so I bought an economy car. When I was 29, I had paid off the economy car and it was still my reliable winter car. I then bought the (by this time old enough that it was a classic) sports car I'd wanted for forever. It's very impractical in the winter and so I could not sell my reliable economy car. And I wouldn't want to anyway because it's not worth much money and I also am unnaturally attached to it. I suddenly had two (albeit old) cars. And my grandmother thought I should give away my economy car. Not sell it, but give it away. I think my response was a non-Poker face very angry and horrified look and I said sarcastically "yeah right!"

Syfygeek

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #22 on: December 31, 2012, 04:47:51 PM »
I've had that happen to me and it made me so mad! But in my case, it was my grandmother, and because I knew her well, I knew her intent was to insult me by saying that I was living an extravagant lifestyle by having two of something when really one should be enough.

I think choking on your drink was the perfect response! You don't owe her an explanation. She was the one out of line, not you.

Where we live, it's very snowy. I've had my eye on a very specific model sports car since I was 11 years old. When I was 21, I bought my first car, but I could only afford a practical car and I needed a reliable one, so I bought an economy car. When I was 29, I had paid off the economy car and it was still my reliable winter car. I then bought the (by this time old enough that it was a classic) sports car I'd wanted for forever. It's very impractical in the winter and so I could not sell my reliable economy car. And I wouldn't want to anyway because it's not worth much money and I also am unnaturally attached to it. I suddenly had two (albeit old) cars. And my grandmother thought I should give away my economy car. Not sell it, but give it away. I think my response was a non-Poker face very angry and horrified look and I said sarcastically "yeah right!"

Danika, I didn't know we're related! I have a classic vw convertible, great car, but only practical for about 6 months of the year. When I got my new car, my sister said I should give her my bug. And she was completely serious.  And got miffed when I didn't!
That's my purse! I don't know you!

Cami

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #23 on: December 31, 2012, 08:29:01 PM »
Many years ago, my dh made the mistake of saying in passing to his parents that we had successfully saved up a certain amount of money to put towards a downpayment for a house. My MIL then called us back and demanded we give that money to his sister so that she could buy a new car. Note that this sister owned two cars and a motorcycle, so it wasn't as if she was bereft of transportation. She just wanted a new car to add to her fleet and MIL believed we should just hand over our money so she could have it. MIL was quite miffed when we refused.

That was the last time my dh told his parents anything money related.

ladyknight1

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #24 on: December 31, 2012, 11:07:27 PM »
Before I found my spine, I let a co-worker talk me into lending my wedding dress to her sister. I never got it back.  :'(

LadyClaire

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #25 on: January 01, 2013, 11:48:50 AM »
My MIL is like that. If you get anything new, she thinks you should give the old one to her. When my husband bought me a digital camera for my birthday, he made a point of telling his mother that I would still be using the old one to try and head off the "you should give the old one to me!" comments.

It's very much the way his family is. When DH bought a new car when he was in his very early 20s, he was expected to just let his old pick-up truck (that he bought and paid for, in full, himself when he was a teenager) be used by the family whenever they wanted. He finally let his brother use it, and his brother lost control going too fast around a curve and wrapped the truck around a utility pole and totaled it. DH still grumbles to this day about that truck.

jaxsue

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #26 on: January 01, 2013, 02:02:30 PM »
My X's sister took this idea to a ridiculous extreme. I was back for a family visit and was at the X's house (formerly mine as well). X-SIL came for a visit, along with her 3 grandkids. Her DD, the kids' mom, and the kids, all live with X-SIL in a small house. (Interesting side note: she intentionally bought her tiny place with the idea that DD wouldn't follow her there. Surprise! She did, with 3 kids in tow)

So X-SIL's idea was to swap houses. Yes, trade houses! In her mind, why did my X-DH and younger DS need that bigger house? She was serious, too.  :o

BarensMom

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #27 on: January 01, 2013, 02:19:08 PM »
My X's sister took this idea to a ridiculous extreme. I was back for a family visit and was at the X's house (formerly mine as well). X-SIL came for a visit, along with her 3 grandkids. Her DD, the kids' mom, and the kids, all live with X-SIL in a small house. (Interesting side note: she intentionally bought her tiny place with the idea that DD wouldn't follow her there. Surprise! She did, with 3 kids in tow)

So X-SIL's idea was to swap houses. Yes, trade houses! In her mind, why did my X-DH and younger DS need that bigger house? She was serious, too.  :o

I remember a thread about someone wanting to trade houses - was that you?

jaxsue

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #28 on: January 01, 2013, 02:36:13 PM »
My X's sister took this idea to a ridiculous extreme. I was back for a family visit and was at the X's house (formerly mine as well). X-SIL came for a visit, along with her 3 grandkids. Her DD, the kids' mom, and the kids, all live with X-SIL in a small house. (Interesting side note: she intentionally bought her tiny place with the idea that DD wouldn't follow her there. Surprise! She did, with 3 kids in tow)

So X-SIL's idea was to swap houses. Yes, trade houses! In her mind, why did my X-DH and younger DS need that bigger house? She was serious, too.  :o

I remember a thread about someone wanting to trade houses - was that you?

Probably. It's so bizarre it's worth repeating!  :)

Danika

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Re: "You can give So and SO your old one!"
« Reply #29 on: January 01, 2013, 07:28:07 PM »
I've had that happen to me and it made me so mad! But in my case, it was my grandmother, and because I knew her well, I knew her intent was to insult me by saying that I was living an extravagant lifestyle by having two of something when really one should be enough.

I think choking on your drink was the perfect response! You don't owe her an explanation. She was the one out of line, not you.

Where we live, it's very snowy. I've had my eye on a very specific model sports car since I was 11 years old. When I was 21, I bought my first car, but I could only afford a practical car and I needed a reliable one, so I bought an economy car. When I was 29, I had paid off the economy car and it was still my reliable winter car. I then bought the (by this time old enough that it was a classic) sports car I'd wanted for forever. It's very impractical in the winter and so I could not sell my reliable economy car. And I wouldn't want to anyway because it's not worth much money and I also am unnaturally attached to it. I suddenly had two (albeit old) cars. And my grandmother thought I should give away my economy car. Not sell it, but give it away. I think my response was a non-Poker face very angry and horrified look and I said sarcastically "yeah right!"

Danika, I didn't know we're related! I have a classic vw convertible, great car, but only practical for about 6 months of the year. When I got my new car, my sister said I should give her my bug. And she was completely serious.  And got miffed when I didn't!

Oh, I forgot we had yet another story about a Special Snowflake family member who just wanted us to give them a car.

When DH was 16, his father sold him an old Jeep they had. The Jeep was 25 years old at that time. DH paid his father, but his father only added DH's name to the title instead of signing it over completely. At the time, he claimed that it would be cheaper for car insurance if a young DH wasn't the only owner. DH still has the Jeep. In the next 20 years, DH put tens of thousands of dollars plus blood, sweat and tears into keeping it running, upgrading it, repairs, etc. A few years ago, FIL decided he wanted it back. He lives several states away. He sent a letter to DH and seemed friendly and nice and then worked in that he wanted the Jeep. DH was livid. At that point in time, the Jeep would overheat if you drove it more than 30 minutes, so there was no way it was going to make a drive across several states to where FIL lived. Knowing FIL, he probably wanted DH to drive it there by himself, pay for gas to deliver it, and then pay for his own flight back here. DH wasn't sure what to do because FIL's name was still on the title (along with DH's). I told DH to itemize the $17,000 worth of parts he had put into the 45-year-old Jeep to keep it running and to request that his father pay him half and then come get the Jeep himself. His father then didn't comply so we still have it.