Author Topic: Would this Bother you?  (Read 2210 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

snowdragon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2200
Would this Bother you?
« on: December 30, 2012, 04:26:11 PM »
This is for a friend of mine: She is being told she is too sensitive and wants another perspective. 

  Her brother comes home to "visit" several times a year and stays with their mother. Instead of renting a car, he borrows their mother's car and the mom borrow's a car from her sister - sister owns two cars and no one is inconvenienced by the borrowing and it saves the bother a lot of money on car rentals.
  The Mother - let's call her "Irene"- picks the car up from the Aunt ( "Penny") before the brother ( "Horace") gets home, so Irene asks my friend "Patty" to drive to pick up the car.  MOST of the time when Patty does this - Penny wants chores done by Patty ( Never even suggests Irene do them ) "in return for the use of the car". These chores range from cleaning cat boxes to lawn work, to shoveling the drive or cleaning the car that the aunt will be driving off.   Horace is never asked to help out in any way shape or form - even as much as driving Irene to pick up the car or to drop it off. This is viewed as too much of an imposition on his vacation time.  When the car needs to go back it's the same story - Patty is told "I need this done and that, in return for using the car"
  Patty is tired of it all  as this has been going on for about 10 years and is beginning to show that she resents all this and when she confronted Irene and Penny about it Penny said if Patty does not want to do what she needs - then she won't borrow Horace the car.  Patty told Penny that if she is borrowing Horace the car the Horace should be asked to do the chores to "pay" for it.
    Both Irene and Penny are angry with Patty and it's been suggested that Patty the problem is Patty being too sensitive, not with the demands for chores. 
 I side with Patty - but is she being too sensitive to resent this?

redcat

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 332
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2012, 04:37:46 PM »
No, not even slightly, as she's not benefiting from the loan of the car.  Everyone else is getting something for free, so of course they resent their free ride coming to an end.  I'd suggest she steers well clear, and let everyone else whistle for it.

yokozbornak

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1211
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2012, 04:41:57 PM »
Patty has been waaaaay too nice for waaaaay too long.  She needs to just tell them all that they need to work this out amongst themselves and that she will no longer be used as a middleman in a transaction that doesn't involve her. 

Talley

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 373
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2012, 04:49:53 PM »
I don't understand the logic behind making Patty do chores in return for the loan of the car, when Patty in no way benefits from said car... Patty is actually doing Irene a favour by picking up the car, isn't she?

If I were Patty, I would never go to pick up the car again. Let Irene and Horace work that out, as they are the once who actually benefit from the use of the car.

Patty definitely is not too sensitive. She has just been far to nice for far too long.


Steve

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 901
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2012, 04:52:17 PM »
Patty needs an ehell account so we can fit her a nice shiney new spine.
She is letting these people take advantage of her. I agree with the previous posters: she should refuse to pick up the car the next time.



Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6349
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2012, 04:57:03 PM »
Patty has been nice too long.  The aunt is just using this as an excuse to get free labor.  If the aunt had said, "Patty, while you are here, would you mind doing x,y,z because it is difficult for me to do" I think Patty would be fine helping out.  But saying it is payment for something that she gets no benefit from and them being things it sounds like the aunt routinely does, just makes her unpaid labor. 

Patty needs to give her mom a list of chores to do for the favor of driving her to and from the aunts.

Eta to fix typing.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2012, 05:10:12 PM by Hmmmmm »

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8035
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #6 on: December 30, 2012, 04:57:56 PM »
See all the posts above this one?  They are right.  Absolutely!

Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #7 on: December 30, 2012, 05:22:46 PM »
No way is Patty being too sensitive.  Her mother and her aunt are taking advantage of her.

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5917
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2012, 05:22:58 PM »
If I were patty I'd straight up remove myself from this triangle. Penny can drive the car to Irene and Irene can then take her home OR Horace and Irene can ride over together to pick the car up with each of them returning in their own borrowed car. They can figure out amongst themselves who will do what as payment for the borrowed car.

kherbert05

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10258
    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2012, 05:31:50 PM »
Patty needs to have other plans anytime the car is being picked up or returned. She needs to be ready for the backlash. People don't like it when their doormats stand up and brush themselves off.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8035
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2012, 05:38:29 PM »
Patty needs to have other plans anytime the car is being picked up or returned. She needs to be ready for the backlash. People don't like it when their doormats stand up and brush themselves off.

I agree, but because I agree I don't think she should say she has other plans.  Because what I suspect will happen is that they will then suggest another time or day.  She needs to get herself completely out of that loop.

I think she should tell her Mom straight up what's been going on and just tell them that from now on they need to make arrangements among themselves for the transfer and use of the car.  She isn't now (and will not be in the future) involved.  Period. 

And as kherbert has said, expect backlash for it will surely be forthcoming!   :-\

weeblewobble

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3266
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2012, 05:40:34 PM »
Why is Patty putting for the effort when Horace and her mom are the ones using the car?  Yes it would bother me.

mrs_deb

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 879
  • I didn't expect THAT to happen!
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #12 on: December 30, 2012, 05:43:00 PM »
Wow - that's some incredible taking-advantage right there.  I agree - time for Patty to remove herself from the equation.  I'd be livid to be used this way!  For something I have NOTHING to do with?  And Irene and Penny are angry with PATTY?

The mind, it boggles.

Jones

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2555
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #13 on: December 30, 2012, 05:43:41 PM »
When I first read the OP I did this:
How is this even a question?  :o

Of course the person who benefits from an agreement should be the one who works/pays for that agreement! It's not just in fairy tales that there's a price for everything.

Generally when someone trots out "you're being too sensitive" it is because the person is seeing an end to getting their way because someone realized that slavery was abolished some time ago, or children are humans too, or some other realization that results in the shifting of a lopsided relationship. I would suggest that any time someone accuses Patty (or anyone else) of being "too sensitive" she excuse herself from the conversation. She's being used, plain and simple.

Sirius

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9798
  • Stars in my eyes!
Re: Would this Bother you?
« Reply #14 on: December 30, 2012, 05:44:31 PM »
While I agree it's a little late now, Patty should have spoke up years ago.