Author Topic: Another vacation etiquette question  (Read 19038 times)

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TOLady

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #90 on: December 31, 2012, 01:02:31 PM »
This kind of question is becoming more prevelent on Facebook. Just recently, a friend of mine who travels frequently and takes awesome photos, came back from a trip and posted several of them on her facebook page. They are truly stunning!

I had sent her a PM asking if I could select a few and use for my screensaver and she was more than happy to let me do that. She was astonished how many people just took them and posted them on their own pages without the proper crediting.

Shortly after, she sent out a FB message informing everyone that anyone using her photos without her permission were going to be blocked and that she was no longer going to post them.

Your photos - your call!


Firecat

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #91 on: December 31, 2012, 01:07:40 PM »
POD to miranova.  I think some posters are addressing this as though there is a "right" and "wrong" answer.  What some of us are saying is that the OP can do whatever she wants with her photos for whatever reason.  She cannot, however, expect that not sharing will be well received.  As some of us have stated, unless this was addressed before hand, it comes across as borderline rude to me.  I take a lot of photos, and I think a lot of them turn out really well, especially of my daughter.  I share them with everyone because I think they are great photos!  I don't care whether people think, "Wow, TurtleDove is an amazing photographer."  That's not the point to me - the point is to enjoy the image.  I think what rubs me the wrong way in the OP is that she seems to want to be praised or something for the images she shoots, and that, to me, is weird on a trip with a friend. For me, I would want to share my best shots because it would be about the memory.

Re: the bolded - if it's borderline rude of the OP not to address it beforehand, why is it not also borderline rude of her friend?

squeakers

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #92 on: December 31, 2012, 01:08:12 PM »
I take a picture, I draw a picture, I carve a piece of chocolate into Lady Godiva. Do I have to give any of those to you just because you are my friend?

I'm a doctor.. do I have to diagnose you just because you are my friend?

I'm a hairdresser .. do I have to style your hair just because you are my friend?

I'm a mechanic.. do I have to fix your car for you just because you are my friend?

All of the above take skills and some have more artistry involved (think plastic surgeon vs general practitioner) .. shouldn't the one with the skills or artistry get to decide what fruit of their passion gets shared?

OP was nice enough to share out photos friend was in.. much like a hair dresser friend might suggest a different cut/color.  Friend was being an SS for wanting all the photos .. much like wanting your lawyer friend to read your off the 'net will and make sure it is accurate and oh, by the way, can you sue my friend the mechanic for not changing my tires for me for free?
"I feel sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." "It is so low, in fact, that Miss Manners feels sure you would not want to resort to it yourself, even in your own defense. We do not believe in retaliatory rudeness." Judith Martin

ettiquit

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #93 on: December 31, 2012, 01:09:56 PM »
POD to miranova.  I think some posters are addressing this as though there is a "right" and "wrong" answer.  What some of us are saying is that the OP can do whatever she wants with her photos for whatever reason.  She cannot, however, expect that not sharing will be well received.  As some of us have stated, unless this was addressed before hand, it comes across as borderline rude to me.  I take a lot of photos, and I think a lot of them turn out really well, especially of my daughter.  I share them with everyone because I think they are great photos!  I don't care whether people think, "Wow, TurtleDove is an amazing photographer."  That's not the point to me - the point is to enjoy the image.  I think what rubs me the wrong way in the OP is that she seems to want to be praised or something for the images she shoots, and that, to me, is weird on a trip with a friend. For me, I would want to share my best shots because it would be about the memory.

But the OP does care about being an amazing photographer.  The point of her pictures (particularly the ones she spends time setting up) is not just so other people can enjoy her work.  It's her art.  This would be like a sketch artist going to the park with a friend, sketching a picture of some trees and then the friend saying "Gimme".

I can't imagine any of my friends not understanding that.

Firecat

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #94 on: December 31, 2012, 01:11:39 PM »
I have read every post and I still don't get it.  This is a friend that you were close enough to travel with.  A lot of the responses are about strangers, acquaintences, and family that take advantage or want professional services for free.  I don't see how that applies here.  Just like I'd drive a close friend to the airport or babysit for them or tutor their children, I wouldn't think twice about sharing any and all photos/recipes/ or other special skills with them.  I wouldn't do these things for acquaintances or people who take advantage.  I assume this is a reciprocal friendship where your friend does favors for you as well sometimes?

I don't understand the insistence that the OP's view is not "wrong".  No one is arguing right or wrong or that she has some kind of actual obligation to share the photos.  But just as OP is entitled to keep the photos, her friend is entitled to find it odd.  Just as I don't "have to" drive my friend to the airport, my friend can find it odd if I just flat out say no with no reason given when she has done favors for me in the past.  This is a relationship, not a court of law.  Nobody has to do anything, but I think it's a normal request among friends who have just traveled together.

The friend had already misused the OP's pictures in the past, by taking credit for them when he didn't take them. It's entirely up to the OP to continue to travel with him if she wishes, but that doesn't mean she needs to re-open herself up to that specific behavior again, either. Now, I do think she should have told him on the spot that she wasn't sharing because of that, but I can see being a bit flustered by the presumptuous "here, put all those on my iPad" without even a "please" or "thank you" attached.

miranova

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #95 on: December 31, 2012, 01:13:09 PM »
You don't have to do anything.  Of course you are allowed to withhold whatever you like.  And your friend is allowed to have an opinion about it.

Firecat

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #96 on: December 31, 2012, 01:14:14 PM »
You don't have to do anything.  Of course you are allowed to withhold whatever you like.  And your friend is allowed to have an opinion about it.

And the friend's history of taking credit for the OP's pictures doesn't enter into it at all for you? Or is the OP not allowed to have an opinion about that?

ettiquit

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #97 on: December 31, 2012, 01:14:58 PM »
I wonder if my viewpoint is affected by the fact that I come from a family of artists (music, painting, charcoal, photography, etc.).  I could deny my mom a picture I took with the explanation that this one is "art" and she would totally get it. 

miranova

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #98 on: December 31, 2012, 01:22:48 PM »
Where does "sharing" enter into this?.....

Sharing oictures on FB or via email or printed out is one thing.  This guy wanted all the raw pictures off her memory card.  That's not "sharing."

I don't see how any other word would apply since she still would have the photos herself as well.  How is it NOT sharing?

miranova

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #99 on: December 31, 2012, 01:25:01 PM »
You don't have to do anything.  Of course you are allowed to withhold whatever you like.  And your friend is allowed to have an opinion about it.

And the friend's history of taking credit for the OP's pictures doesn't enter into it at all for you? Or is the OP not allowed to have an opinion about that?

I know it's a long thread but I did actually already address this already.  I said I found it more understandable to withhold the photos if friend has a history of taking credit for them, but that she should just say so instead of hemming and hawing.  Most of my comments are about the more broad question of whether or not this is a reasonable request in general; many posters are extrapolating to other situations as well so it stopped being about this one particular situation several pages ago I think.

gramma dishes

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #100 on: December 31, 2012, 01:25:16 PM »
Sharing photos is one thing.  In that case the photographer sees her own work first, eliminates those that don't meet her standards, makes a couple of minor alterations to a few others and then keeps the rest 'as is'.  She has control over them from shutter click to final product.  She did share (immediately) the pictures that had her friend in them, but hadn't yet had time to work with the others.   There is no doubt that had he asked her to share with him, she would have been happy to send him some of them.  That's "sharing".

What he wanted was something entirely different.  He was asking her to download HER work onto HIS device.  No way.  That's not sharing.  That's demanding first dibs at something even she hadn't had time to look at yet on her own computer.  He simply wanted and expected her to automatically "gift" him with the fruits of all her hard work and the energy and expertise she had put into it.

As I said in my first post on this thread, there are several really good, small, lightweight cameras are out there and they don't cost that much.  He could have and should have taken his own pictures instead of demanding hers!

TylerBelle

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #101 on: December 31, 2012, 02:09:40 PM »
I can understand sharing some of the pictures, but I don't know if I'd share them all. For I'd like to have some which I had only the one-of-a-kind of, no matter what the other person would have planned to do with them. And I wouldn't be too thrilled if the other person wasn't going to reciprocate in sharing with me. Because if I shared mine with him, it would mean he'd have everything (his originals & my duplicated ones), and I'd only have mine (now duplicated).

So, no, OP, I don't think you were wrong, rude or petty in your actions. You shared with your traveling companion, and if he wanted more, then surely he could enjoy what he took with his own device.
Always be on the lookout for wonder. --E.B. White

CakeEater

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #102 on: December 31, 2012, 04:18:36 PM »
I think some posters aren't seeing the difference between snapshots taken to remember a shared holiday and photographic art created while on a shared holiday. The former, I agree, should normally be shared between the friends holidaying together. The latter shouldn't even be asked for, let alone demanded.

Those two types of photos aren't in the same category, and I think that the OP should be able to refuse the give those images over without being seen as selfish, and, in fact, should think less of her friend for requesting them.

What if, instead of photos, the OP had gone with her friend to a park, and she had painted a watercolour scene while her friend ate lunch. Does he have the right to demand that he scan that image and make a print for his own wall? I don't believe artist in that case would be under any obligation to 'share' their work either.

citadelle

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #103 on: December 31, 2012, 04:25:40 PM »
Sounds like something that should be discussed at the outset of the trip. OP's friend could have said, "I don't plan to tske many pics. Do you mind sharing yours?"

I must admit, though, that to me, under those circumstances (frirndship, traveling together, etc.) an answer of "no" or "only the ones that aren't the best" would leave me pretty cold. Am I supposed to offer to purchase the good ones?

To me, it isn't like a haircut, legal advice, etc.  Photos can be and are easily shared. I get the art aspect, but is art supposed to be hoarded by the artist? I know that the answer is yes for some, and of course that is their right, but I would be very put off by this position from a good friend.

GrammarNerd

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #104 on: December 31, 2012, 04:34:03 PM »
I've already posted, but I guess the assumption by the 'friend' is what gets me.  He just assumed that he could have her pictures.  And he didn't make any effort to take any of his own pictures.  And because of that assumption, it's more like he was treating her as his personal, unpaid photography servant. 

And once again, the OP sacrificed to get those good shots.  She sacrificed souvenirs, time, and energy lugging all of the big equipment with her.  What did the friend sacrifice?   And the OP DID share with her friend.  Just not *everything*.

I'd like to know how the friend was when the OP was taking all of these pictures.  Did he compliment her and encourage her (not rah-rah, but 'I bet that shot will be great!' type of comments), or did he whine about her taking a few extra minutes to get another shot, or make fun of her big camera bag? (Yes, this has happened to me).