Another vacation etiquette question

[laud_shy_girl]

I had a similar issue. After a trip, one of the people in my group wanted me to upload all my pictures from my camera to her laptop, before I'd gone home and looked at them myself and sorted them. I really didn't want to do this. Not that there was anything private, or that I didn't want to share; I was happy to share them, once I'd sorted them! But she was quite persistent and wanted it right now, before we'd even got home.

The issue for me was that on the trip, I'd gone off on my own plenty of times and played around with various settings on the camera (which I'd only recently acquired), tried this, tried that, taken a zillion shots of the same scene, using slightly different angles and settings, tried various nature shots with different lighting, and so forth and so on. I can't really pinpoint why, but I felt very uncomfortable uploading the entire collection of unsorted and unprocessed images onto her laptop.

Like, I'll share, but let me go home and sort them out first!!! (And I promise not to delete any of the ones of her that there's a possibility she might want!)

POD
I take pictures and will share happily, in fact I will ask people if they want a copy of my pictures. That said, if I were in OP's position I would have just said no.
No one gets my pictures before I get a chance to look at them first.
Photographs are very personal, they are how I see the world and sometimes I look at one of my pictures and think it to personal to share. I also think the bad ones are embarrassing and definitely don't want them floating around..

I liken it more to asking an artist for their rough sketches. Just because the button has been pushed, doesn't mean the picture is finished and ready for viewing.

[Geekychick1984]

I totally get why the OP wouldn't want to share, and I think friend was rude to just demand the pictures.  If friend wanted copies of the pictures, he should have asked ahead of time.

Also, he should have offered to lug some of the heavy equipment around in exchange.

[Winterlight]

I think Friend could have politely asked in advance, and that would be fine. OP could say, "Sure, I'll share if you'll carry the tripod," or negotiate whatever deal she wanted to. Instead, Friend demanded all the photos and whined. Plus, he did get the ones he was in, so it's not like he was left emptyhanded.

You were fine.

[camlan]

This discussion reminds me a lot of discussions we've had about sharing recipes. Some people share recipes willingly and others do not. Both sides have good reasons to support their decisions.

I think it's fine to ask for the pictures, but you have to be prepared to accept a "no."

You shouldn't assume that you can share in someone else's pictures without asking them first. Better to do it at the start of a trip, so you can take your own pictures if the answer is "no." Just because you like to share pictures does not mean everyone does.

Why someone wants to keep their pictures private is not something they have to share.

It would be nice if the photographer shared *some* of the pictures (which is what the OP did), but at their own convenience.

In this digital age, some photographers simply want to keep control of their work product (even if taken on vacation, it's still the product of their work and skill). All it takes is emailing one of those pictures to a friend who shares it with another friend or posts it on Facebook . . . and it could be anywhere. And it could be altered or used by anyone.

[onyonryngs]

This is your friend.  If you're close enough to travel together, can't you have a conversation where you discuss that you'll be happy to share the photos if he promises not to post them on FB or anything without your permission?  It seems like it'd be a fairly easy conversation to have.  But I can't imagine not sharing pics of a shared vacation.

[PastryGoddess]

Just because you (general) can't imagine not sharing with friends doesn't mean the OP is wrong for deciding to do so

[Queen of Clubs]

I totally get why the OP wouldn't want to share, and I think friend was rude to just demand the pictures.  If friend wanted copies of the pictures, he should have asked ahead of time.

Also, he should have offered to lug some of the heavy equipment around in exchange.

Yeah, I agree.  The OP lugged around all that heavy equipment, did all the work, then the guy wants to share in all the fruits of her labour?  No.  Asking for some photos is fine, but expecting to get them all (then repeatedly whining when he doesn't) isn't fine.  He could have asked beforehand and offered to help out in carrying the heavy stuff.

[Hmmmmm]

The problems I have with what occurred are:

1. Your traveling companion never offering to carry your heavy items at times.  I can't imagine touring around Paris and never once offering to carry a large case my companion had with them.  Maybe since it was electronic expensive equipment he didn't want to be responsible, but even then I think I would still offer on occasion.

2.  He asked for something that wasn't his.  You don't ask for things that aren't yours if they weren't offered. 

But saying all that I would be suprised if a traveling companion didn't offer me copies of some of their shots.  Honestly I wouldn't want all of them uploaded to me as I can't imagine the drudgery if sifting through 600 photos to find maybe a dozen that I'd want.

OP, for the future, I recommend commenting to traveling companions, especially owned who may have spent some time waiting in you to finish lining up the perfect shot, that after you've had time to go through your shots, you'll send them the ones you think you'll enjoy. 

[gramma dishes]

...    I take pictures and will share happily, in fact I will ask people if they want a copy of my pictures. That said, if I were in OP's position I would have just said no.
No one gets my pictures before I get a chance to look at them first.
Photographs are very personal, they are how I see the world and sometimes I look at one of my pictures and think it to personal to share. I also think the bad ones are embarrassing and definitely don't want them floating around..

I liken it more to asking an artist for their rough sketches. Just because the button has been pushed, doesn't mean the picture is finished and ready for viewing.

Superbly said.  I think what's happening here is that some people are lumping all "pictures" together as being of equal value.  They are not. 

There are snapshots (quickly taken with little thought as to lighting, composition, etc.) and there are photographs (taken carefully with meticulous attention to detail).  They are not created equally at all.  No one minds sharing snapshots.  They'll end up in a box in the bottom of a drawer and probably never be looked at again anyway.  But photographs are a whole different matter.

Laud_shy_girl has it right.  Photographs are very personal and are an expression of how the photographer who created them sees the world.

[snowdragon]

I wonder if the people who would think less of someone who didn't share, would feel the same about anything else that person owned.

[onyonryngs]

I wonder if the people who would think less of someone who didn't share, would feel the same about anything else that person owned.

I specifically answered regarding the photos.  I wasn't thinking about any hypothetical what if this was a car, money, shoes, jewelry, coffee table, etc. scenario.  That would be a separate discussion.  I also wasn't answering for just any pictures.  I answered for photos of a shared vacation scenario only.

[snowdragon]

I wonder if the people who would think less of someone who didn't share, would feel the same about anything else that person owned.

I specifically answered regarding the photos.  I wasn't thinking about any hypothetical what if this was a car, money, shoes, jewelry, coffee table, etc. scenario.  That would be a separate discussion.  I also wasn't answering for just any pictures.  I answered for photos of a shared vacation scenario only.

To me the concept is the same. This  is someone else's property, you  ( general through out) feel you have some sort of right to it and that they are somehow wrong for not forking over on "demand" - so much so that failure to do so will color your opinion of them.  So do they have to acquiesce to everything someone wants or do they have the right to refuse somethings - where does the line lie. And why does your physical presence have anything to do with their right to not share their own property?  You did not take the pictures so why should you be entitled to them? 

[TurtleDove]

I think expanding this to hypotheticals of anything other than photos of a shared vacation is pointless. My take on this, as others have stated, is based specifically on photographs of a shared vacation. To me, it seems really odd that the OP won't share her photos with her friend. Of course she is within her "rights" not to share and the friend is not "entitled" to anything. As I understood this situation, the OP is not a professional photographer and does not intend to sell the photos. Obviously, not everyone agrees but I would be offended if I were the friend, especially because the OP apparently never explained she was not willing to share. In my circles, it is assumed photos will be shared.

[onyonryngs]

I wonder if the people who would think less of someone who didn't share, would feel the same about anything else that person owned.

I specifically answered regarding the photos.  I wasn't thinking about any hypothetical what if this was a car, money, shoes, jewelry, coffee table, etc. scenario.  That would be a separate discussion.  I also wasn't answering for just any pictures.  I answered for photos of a shared vacation scenario only.

To me the concept is the same. This  is someone else's property, you  ( general through out) feel you have some sort of right to it and that they are somehow wrong for not forking over on "demand" - so much so that failure to do so will color your opinion of them.  So do they have to acquiesce to everything someone wants or do they have the right to refuse somethings - where does the line lie. And why does your physical presence have anything to do with their right to not share their own property?  You did not take the pictures so why should you be entitled to them?

For me, personally, I'm not going on a vacation with someone who I wouldn't want to share my photos with.  I'd probably tell them that I needed to go through and edit, etc. before sending them any copies - you don't need to give them all.  That's my personal view of the situation. 

[Surianne]

And why does your physical presence have anything to do with their right to not share their own property?  You did not take the pictures so why should you be entitled to them? 

Snowdragon, I think I mentioned this upthread (so apologies if I'm repeating too much), but the way I see it is on a shared vacation, both parties have different skills that they contribute. 

I'm not a great photographer -- I try, but usually my friend is better than me, and they seem to enjoy it more, so the general assumption is that I'll share their photos, and they're also welcome to any decent ones I managed.  (And for me, I have no interest of photos with me in them, so the OP sharing only those wouldn't have been useful to me -- I like reminders of the pretty natural things we saw!)

I contribute other things, however: I'm good at reading maps, so I'm usually "in charge" of us not getting lost.  I'm good at math, so I'm "in charge" of figuring out exchange rates and tips.  It's just assumed that I'll take care of these things, since I'm the one with those talents.  Both map-reading and math skills take time and education to develop as well; just because they're not artistic doesn't make them less valuable. 

Another example: In my last trip, my friend was a terrible packer, so I let her put a bunch of extra stuff in my bag since we found out at the airport that hers was over the weight limit and would have incurred an additional $100+ charge.  I could have just let her pay the $100 charge without offering up my space, but she was my friend, so why would I do that? 

If the trip is like that, with both friends contributing in different areas, I see the sharing as more naturally assumed.  It's very different than asking for photos from a trip the OP went on by herself, that the friend didn't partake in or contribute to.