Author Topic: Another vacation etiquette question  (Read 16887 times)

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Victim Of Fate

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #180 on: January 02, 2013, 08:58:59 AM »
I have read this thread with interest, and I think this is an interesting dilemma. I think that there are a few aspects to be taken into consideration:

1) The scope of the demand

Much has been made of the fact that the friend asked for all 650 photos, and wasn't just content with the photos of the friend supplied by the OP. While I can see how this might come across as a huge demand, is the OP sure that the friend was not simply unaware of how many photos there were, and how big the files were. If I went on holiday with a friend, and I just had a smartphone and they had a DSLR, there might be instances where we took photos of the same thing, from the same vantage point (e.g. the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe), but their photos came out much better than mine. I might just want copies of those items, rather than all of their catalogue of photos. But I might still phrase it as asking for - "all of your photos" rather than "a selection of photos that document our shared experience", especially as a response to just receiving photos in which I was the subject. If I was the one using my DSLR, I would probably say that I wanted to go through them and select the ones I wanted to share, as some of them were personal, and more of them were near-duplicates of other images with only minor differences.

2) The way in which the demand was made

Obviously, the OP feels that the demand was made in a rude way, but I do feel that if you think that there's nothing unusual about sharing photos after a vacation, then this might have just been a misunderstanding. If you thought that asking to share photos was a standard part of holidaying together, then I can see how you might ask in a way that came across as impolite.

3) The nature of holiday photographs

Clearly, for some people, artistic shots taken on vacation fall into a different category to standard holiday snaps. I don't particularly feel this way, but if I did, I'd explain that to my friend. However, I'm not convinced that this is what the OP feels, because in the first post they explain that they only uploaded photos with the friend in them. Unless the remainder were all "art", this seems to suggest that the OP was not making this distinction, but rather refusing to give their friend any photos, even snaps, that the friend was not an active part on. While this is obviously their prerogative, I don't think it is a particularly friendly thing to do.

Most of my close friends and I all have mid-range DSLR cameras, and most of us are reasonably good photographers. There have certainly been occasions on vacation (or even entire vacations) where someone has left their camera at home/in the hotel, as they didn't see the point in everyone bringing along expensive photographic equipment. It would never occur to us that someone would be unwilling to share any of their landscape or landmark shots.

4) The intent of use on the friend's part

Much has been mentioned on this thread about how this particular friend has plagiarised photographs shared by the OP. I can't actually find a reference to this, only to the fact that other people have done so. In either case, I think I would explain my motivation to my friend rather than just bean-dipping. If the concern is that the friend is going to put everything up on Facebook without accreditation, then I think it is better to explain that - say "I don't mind you getting copies of some of these, but could you not put them up on the internet?"

The OP makes a point of saying that they bean-dipped as a response to the request for further photos. There is a time and a place for bean-dipping, but I don't think that a reasonable request from a friend is the time to do it. It is not conducive to maintaining a close friendship. Far better, in my opinion, to explain your reasons, if the friendship is one you care about.

bopper

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #181 on: January 02, 2013, 11:47:04 AM »
I think I would say "I would like to go through my photos and send you links to the good ones.  You don't really want to wade through 650 photos!"


Also in the future you could say "I had trips where I go to lug all the equipment around and then the person asked for all the photos and then posted them on FB as though they were theirs. Hopefully that is not what you had in mind but since I have had people do that to me before I will respectfully decline.  I will make a photo album for you when I get back if you like and I can send you a link to any photos I post on line.  I do like to go through my photos and edit out the bad ones."
« Last Edit: January 02, 2013, 11:53:33 AM by bopper »

PastryGoddess

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #182 on: January 02, 2013, 11:57:42 AM »
No one is assuming, the OP has said in a previous post that this person has taken credit for her photos in the past.

What I understood is that the friend posted the photo to facebook.  Lots of people post photos to facebook without the assumption understanding or implication that the poster took the photograph.  Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see that the friend affirmatively was saying, "Look at this awesome photo I took!"  That I would have a problem with.  But I absolutely understand posting something (I wouldn't, but I understand it as not malicious) like "look at how awesome the Grand Canyon is!"

It really doesn't matter how or in what manner the friend used to post the pictures before.  The fact is that the OP knows that if she gives him her pictures, he will take credit for them and OP is not ok with that.

gramma dishes

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #183 on: January 02, 2013, 11:59:35 AM »
I wonder if OP's friend is simply stuck in that mindset from film camera days, when people were more likely to give away most or all their photos from an event. But that's because:

With film, we're talking 24 or 36 or 48 photos, not hundreds;

Many photo processing outfits offered two sets of prints for the price of one. It was good for business, but it also encouraged people to share their prints ...


  You know, you may be right.  It's possible that he was in that mindset and really had no idea how many photographs she had taken, much less the effort she had put into it. 

I do remember getting double sets of prints and handing out the second set.  And it WAS rather expected that everyone would do that.  But even then, we had the chance to go through and weed out the embarrassingly awful ones!   ;)

Victim Of Fate

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #184 on: January 02, 2013, 12:01:50 PM »
No one is assuming, the OP has said in a previous post that this person has taken credit for her photos in the past.

What I understood is that the friend posted the photo to facebook.  Lots of people post photos to facebook without the assumption understanding or implication that the poster took the photograph.  Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see that the friend affirmatively was saying, "Look at this awesome photo I took!"  That I would have a problem with.  But I absolutely understand posting something (I wouldn't, but I understand it as not malicious) like "look at how awesome the Grand Canyon is!"

It really doesn't matter how or in what manner the friend used to post the pictures before.  The fact is that the OP knows that if she gives him her pictures, he will take credit for them and OP is not ok with that.

Can I just check where the OP has said that - I did try looking for it, but I can't seem to find that post.

TurtleDove

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #185 on: January 02, 2013, 12:39:06 PM »
Can I just check where the OP has said that - I did try looking for it, but I can't seem to find that post.

This exactly.  I also did not see where the OP explained to the friend why she did not want to share photos, or addressed with any of the "facebook posters" that she didn't want them to do this.  And I did not see that the friend in the OP actually tried to take credit for any photos taken by the OP in the past - if he did, why did she not address this with him?  I feel like some posters are reading malice into the the friend's actions when really I think this is a miscommunication.

snowdragon

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #186 on: January 02, 2013, 12:42:57 PM »
Post 15 - she does not say it was this specific friend or another but that was her reasoning. Not that I think she has to explain wanting to keep what's hers

TurtleDove

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #187 on: January 02, 2013, 12:46:34 PM »
Post 15 - she does not say it was this specific friend or another but that was her reasoning. Not that I think she has to explain wanting to keep what's hers

I think if she wants to preserve the relationship it would makes sense to explain.

snowdragon

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #188 on: January 02, 2013, 12:48:47 PM »
Post 15 - she does not say it was this specific friend or another but that was her reasoning. Not that I think she has to explain wanting to keep what's hers

I think if she wants to preserve the relationship it would makes sense to explain.

I think if HE wants to preserve the relationship, he should be able to take no  for answer or just not ask if he can't.

Victim Of Fate

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #189 on: January 02, 2013, 12:54:45 PM »
Post 15 - she does not say it was this specific friend or another but that was her reasoning. Not that I think she has to explain wanting to keep what's hers

I did see that post, but there she seems to imply that it was a different friend (or I assume that she would have mentioned it was the same friend in that post). And yet, several posters on this thread have stated outright that it was this friend who posted photos on Facebook without accrediting the OP.

Why I think that this is interesting is that many on this thread have written of the importance, in a friendship, of assuming the best of the other person. Yet others on this thread have jumped on the actually-never-stated fact that this friend posted photos taken by someone else and passed them off as his own. Which is kind of assuming the worst of someone.

snowdragon

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #190 on: January 02, 2013, 12:57:31 PM »
Post 15 - she does not say it was this specific friend or another but that was her reasoning. Not that I think she has to explain wanting to keep what's hers

I did see that post, but there she seems to imply that it was a different friend (or I assume that she would have mentioned it was the same friend in that post). And yet, several posters on this thread have stated outright that it was this friend who posted photos on Facebook without accrediting the OP.

Why I think that this is interesting is that many on this thread have written of the importance, in a friendship, of assuming the best of the other person. Yet others on this thread have jumped on the actually-never-stated fact that this friend posted photos taken by someone else and passed them off as his own. Which is kind of assuming the worst of someone.

  If one friend does it - it kind of wrecks your trust that the next one won't. 

TurtleDove

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #191 on: January 02, 2013, 01:03:32 PM »
  If one friend does it - it kind of wrecks your trust that the next one won't.
With this reasoning no one over the age of 5 would have any friends and certainly would never date anyone ever!  :) 

Victim Of Fate

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #192 on: January 02, 2013, 01:06:46 PM »
  If one friend does it - it kind of wrecks your trust that the next one won't.

Oh, I can see why it would affect the OP's decision to allow people to share her photos - though my own contention is that explaining this to a friend is far better for a friendship than simply saying "No" and then bean-dipping if the subject is brought up again.

But I a surprised so many posters misread that post as referring to the friend in the actual story, when the implication is the opposite.

snowdragon

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #193 on: January 02, 2013, 01:12:26 PM »
  If one friend does it - it kind of wrecks your trust that the next one won't.
With this reasoning no one over the age of 5 would have any friends and certainly would never date anyone ever!  :)

Umm, no. Just because you are willing to risk it...does not mean others are wrong for not being willing. Dropping out of this thread because it is obvious that only one view point here is worth respecting. The people who have the opposite view are 4 year olds. 
 

bloo

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Re: Another vacation etiquette question
« Reply #194 on: January 02, 2013, 01:13:44 PM »
  If one friend does it - it kind of wrecks your trust that the next one won't.
With this reasoning no one over the age of 5 would have any friends and certainly would never date anyone ever!  :)

I disagree. There are a lot of people who don't loan things (books, dvd's, clothes, etc.)because of the careless behavior of one friend.