Friends (Vent)

[Lizmo]

My boyfriend has a friend who has been around way, way longer than me, so I feel like I have no right saying anything.  They have known each other since they were in elementary school, and they are very close.  However, I feel at times that my boyfriend is the "friend" and his friend takes him for granted.  None of my business, but still frustrating.

They used to be roommates, and when my boyfriend moved out to move in with me last summer, he left his computer.  His friend and his wife do not handle their money well, are in debt, and needed some way to pay the bills.  My boyfriend being the gracious, unselfish friend he is told them to keep the computer and that they owed him 1000$ when they got on their feet.  Wellllll the wife got a promotion, and they spend money on frivilous things such as game systems and dvd's.  They say they can't afford yet to pay my boyfriend back, but they promise they will!

"Friend" also always cancels plans at the last minute.  Over one of the holidays we had to go out of town to visit my family, and cut our trip very short in order to get back home so we could celebrate with friend.  So boyfriend calls friend on the way home, can't get ahold of him.  Friend finally calls back when we are 45 minutes away from town, and says that he can't leave his mom's house, she is mad that he was going to leave on said holiday.  So we cut plans short with MY family, three hours out of town, to come back to spend time with friend, who waits until we are almost home to tell us that he can't make it.  I was fuming.  The next day we were to celebrate the holiday with my boyfriends family, Friend, and Wife.  We were planning on riding together...long story short, Friend backs out ten minutes AFTER we were supposed to be there.  THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. 

I'm so frustrated.  It's none of my business, and I NEVER say anything to my boyfriend, except to agree with him when he gets upset.  But he keeps letting it happen again.  I'm going crazy. 

Sorry, I had to get it off my chest.  I think it's bad etiquette to always cancel and be late and to not repay debts. 

[Chocolate Cake]

Of course it's your business.  The antics these "friends" pull is affecting you also.

That said, all you can do is institute controls on what you will and won't do.    Now that you know what the friends are like, do not agree to alter your plans for them.  Period.  If your boyfriend wants to alter his plans, fine, but he can leave you out of it.  Then, when they screw him over, he's the primary one to feel the pain and not you.   

For example, if you refused to cut your trip short, it would be up to your boyfriend to make a choice on what he wants to do.   When he made the wrong choice, he'd feel double the pain:  Not being with you and also having his friend mess him over.   If he doesn't learn anything after this kind of thing happens to him time and again, be very concerned about his lack of assertiveness and his willingness to be someone's doormat because that trait will haunt him (and those associated with him) all of his life unless he takes serious steps to correct it.

With regard to that computer, he ought to just go get it.  Although it may no longer be worth the thousands that is owed him, at least they won't get the benefit from using it anymore without having paid for it.

[MsEva]

What Chocolate Cake said