Conversation Etiquette

[gen xer]

  These are more like pet peeves regarding making conversation....but i'll bet a lot of peole feel the same way!!  Please add on some more.

1.  Captain Obvious here....but don't monopolize the conversation.  In fact it is not a conversation it is someone holding court to an audience that frankly is probably just enduring it to be polite.

2.  Don't talk about people others don't know.  It is one thing if it is a brief incidental to a topic but why people think others are interested in knowing the details of your best friend's great aunt's 85th birthday party is beyond me.  Another endurance test.

3.  Make an effort to include everyone.  Nobody wants to be that person on the fringes when everyone else is part of a clique.  Bring people into it.

4.  On another note....don't interrupt....either by cutting people off, talking over them or barging into a private conversation and hijacking it.

5.  Lots ofpeople would say avoid controversy at all costs but while maybe bringing up abortion or the death penalty is a bad idea...learn how to make conversation politely and respectfully on all sorts of topics - even controversila ones.   Staying completely safe and talking about weather and gardening is boooooorrrrriiiinnng....don't be that stick in the mud who everyone is afraid of saying the wrong thing around.

[snowdragon]

6) you're opinion is your opinion - not fact, not the one and only way of doing things. You want people to respect your way of doing things, then you need to respect theirs.

7) If you have deeply help beliefs in one direction, recognize that others may have equally deeply held beliefs in the other direction, if you can't acknowledge/respect other's opinions on that topic- only talk about it to like minded folks.

Even if the person disagrees with you, you don't have the right to say "do it this way or go hell" unless you are either God, the person's spiritual adviser, or the parent talking to your minor child. 

9) saying that you don't care about someone the speaker loves is rude, no matter if the loved one is a child, adult or pet.

10) Conversation is give and take not one way. Take a break once in awhile.

11) if someone walks up and tries to join your group, not at least acknowledging them is rude.

[Barb3000]

all very good points. I am amazed at the "professional" people on TV who interrupt guests that they are interviewing. I want to rap them on the knuckles.

[Hawkwatcher]

6) you're opinion is your opinion - not fact, not the one and only way of doing things. You want people to respect your way of doing things, then you need to respect theirs.

7) If you have deeply help beliefs in one direction, recognize that others may have equally deeply held beliefs in the other direction, if you can't acknowledge/respect other's opinions on that topic- only talk about it to like minded folks.

Even if the person disagrees with you, you don't have the right to say "do it this way or go hell" unless you are either God, the person's spiritual adviser, or the parent talking to your minor child. 

9) saying that you don't care about someone the speaker loves is rude, no matter if the loved one is a child, adult or pet.

10) Conversation is give and take not one way. Take a break once in awhile.

11) if someone walks up and tries to join your group, not at least acknowledging them is rude.

.
12) Consider your audience and setting.  A topic that might be appropriate and interesting to one group may not be appropriate to others.  One example is telling a joke.  A joke that is funny to one group of people may not be funny to another group.

13) Try to be as positive as possible in a social situation.  While no person expects you to be sunshine and light all the time, being around Mr. or Ms. Doom and Gloom all the time is no fun. 

14) Be careful about sharing and spreading gossip, especially if you are not do not know everyone at the gathering.   You do not want to gossip about your neighbor and find out that the new person is your neighbor's friend.

[Onyx_TKD]

5.  Lots ofpeople would say avoid controversy at all costs but while maybe bringing up abortion or the death penalty is a bad idea...learn how to make conversation politely and respectfully on all sorts of topics - even controversila ones.   Staying completely safe and talking about weather and gardening is boooooorrrrriiiinnng....don't be that stick in the mud who everyone is afraid of saying the wrong thing around.

7) If you have deeply help beliefs in one direction, recognize that others may have equally deeply held beliefs in the other direction, if you can't acknowledge/respect other's opinions on that topic- only talk about it to like minded folks.

To expand on these, don't assume that polite silence on a topic indicates agreement. If you start in on a topic known to be controversial and realize that one or more people aren't saying a word either way, you may need to reconsider whether the topic in general and the way you're expressing your point is appropriate for the current group or venue.

[gen xer]

5.  Lots ofpeople would say avoid controversy at all costs but while maybe bringing up abortion or the death penalty is a bad idea...learn how to make conversation politely and respectfully on all sorts of topics - even controversila ones.   Staying completely safe and talking about weather and gardening is boooooorrrrriiiinnng....don't be that stick in the mud who everyone is afraid of saying the wrong thing around.

7) If you have deeply help beliefs in one direction, recognize that others may have equally deeply held beliefs in the other direction, if you can't acknowledge/respect other's opinions on that topic- only talk about it to like minded folks.

To expand on these, don't assume that polite silence on a topic indicates agreement. If you start in on a topic known to be controversial and realize that one or more people aren't saying a word either way, you may need to reconsider whether the topic in general and the way you're expressing your point is appropriate for the current group or venue.

Knowing how to read people is important.  If an uncomfortable silence ensues....don't keep plowing on. 

[cabbagegirl28]

This is another Captain Obvious one, but I've experienced it:

Don't keep bringing a subject up that people have already beandipped. For example, a girl I knew, who has thankfully grown up since this point, would not stop talking about Scrabble and Scrabble-related activities. I tried everything I knew to get her to stop (though changing the subject to Discovery Channel was probably useless in retrospect  ). When I say "would not stop", I mean that she would talk about that every time I saw her for 4 whole months. It was a problem.

Finally, someone responded (because no one else would say anything) in a rather rude manner: "Do you have nothing else to think about other than Scrabble? Is that all you can ever contribute to the conversation?" I wish I'd followed the rule to actually say something about it being offensive; maybe then it wouldn't have come to that.  She and I are good friends now, and I feel terrible about how I acted.

[Danika]

Don't keep bringing a subject up that people have already beandipped.

Similar to the one above:
Don't ask very personal questions and then continue to ask once you have been beandipped.

Example
Person1: "Wow, nice car. How much did you pay for it?"
Person2: "Oh, I got it for a good price. Would you like some beandip?"
Person1: "How much did you buy the car for?"
Person2: "I'm actually pretty private about my finances. Beandip?"
Person1: "I'm serious. What did you pay?"

10) Conversation is give and take not one way. Take a break once in awhile.

Alternatively, don't knowingly go to a social function and end all attempt at conversation. When someone is making polite chit-chat and asks you "Do you have any nice vacations coming up?" don't just say "No." At least, reply "No, what about you?" or "No, but I went on a nice trip this summer. I found that I really like beaches." After someone has asked you several questions which you've replied to with one word answers, they're not going to want to keep talking at you.

[Black Delphinium]

Alternatively, don't knowingly go to a social function and end all attempt at conversation. When someone is making polite chit-chat and asks you "Do you have any nice vacations coming up?" don't just say "No." At least, reply "No, what about you?" or "No, but I went on a nice trip this summer. I found that I really like beaches." After someone has asked you several questions which you've replied to with one word answers, they're not going to want to keep talking at you.

On the other hand, know when to walk away. If a person(or persons) at an event doesn't seem to want to converse  with you, let it go. Don't try and force rapport.

[NotTheNarcissist]

How about ways to strike up a conversation with someone you just met or haven't seen  in a long time? The main 2 starters I know are:
Have you been anywhere on vacation? or -So did you take a vacation this year?
How are (_insert name of spouse and/or kids_)?

Those are old & lame, so I am soliciting suggestions here.

[cabbagegirl28]

How's (hobby) coming along? If you don't know them, ask about their hobbies.
Talk about the food or drink, if that's relevant.

I'm writing a paper, so I can't think of anything really good. Sorry.

[Emmy]

These are very good tips and it amazes me how many people don't seem to heed this advice.  Most of these tips are being thoughtful and having consideration for others.  Yet so often I have seen people violate many of these tips.

[CakeEater]

How about ways to strike up a conversation with someone you just met or haven't seen  in a long time? The main 2 starters I know are:
Have you been anywhere on vacation? or -So did you take a vacation this year?
How are (_insert name of spouse and/or kids_)?

Those are old & lame, so I am soliciting suggestions here.

I sometimes go with the generic, "Been up to anything interesting/exciting recently?" which leaves people free to talk about anything. Unfortunately, people have occasionally responded with a flat 'no', which kind of brings things to a bit of a standstill.