General Etiquette > Life...in general

s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume

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RingTailedLemur:
I am quite open about the fact that I do not drink any red wine because the slightest amount sets off my migraines.

Despite this, I have received a couple of bottles of red wine this year as gifts.  Is there a polite way to say, "thank you, but I can't have this" that doesn't lead to embarrassment or hurt feelings?

I feel so incredibly embarrassed when I happens.  On one occasion my husband stepped in and said, "oh, ha ha!  She can't have that!" but the friend is reasonably close and it got laughed off - but I was still embarrassed.  On the other occasion I didn't know the person very well, and he was a work colleague, so I simply thanked him graciously and later regifted it.

Then, later on, I had to make sure I never mentioned my red wine problem in front of the second friend in case it led to hurt or embarrassment.

MorgnsGrl:
I think the best you can do in the moment is just say thank you, put it away, and quietly re-gift it later on. If someone asks, "Did you like that wine I gave you?" or brings up the topic of wine in general, you could maybe say, "I've discovered recently that red wine is one of the triggers for my migraines! I was surprised, but apparently it's not that uncommon, something about the tannins or whatever, isn't that interesting? I guess I have to limit myself to white wine in the future!"

Itza:

--- Quote from: RingTailedLemur on December 31, 2012, 10:07:19 AM ---I am quite open about the fact that I do not drink any red wine because the slightest amount sets off my migraines.

Despite this, I have received a couple of bottles of red wine this year as gifts.  Is there a polite way to say, "thank you, but I can't have this" that doesn't lead to embarrassment or hurt feelings?

I feel so incredibly embarrassed when I happens.  On one occasion my husband stepped in and said, "oh, ha ha!  She can't have that!" but the friend is reasonably close and it got laughed off - but I was still embarrassed.  On the other occasion I didn't know the person very well, and he was a work colleague, so I simply thanked him graciously and later regifted it.

Then, later on, I had to make sure I never mentioned my red wine problem in front of the second friend in case it led to hurt or embarrassment.

--- End quote ---

When I've received bottles of wine for gift, I've simply thanks the person and gave it to my husband to enjoy. I rarely drink. If I have wine it's 20% wine, 80% lemonade.

I don't have the migraine issue you have.

If it's a person you're close to, there'd be no harm in letting them know red wine causes migraines. I'm not sure the best time to do that though; how soon after the've gifted you the wine.

magicdomino:

--- Quote from: MorgnsGrl on December 31, 2012, 10:13:15 AM ---I think the best you can do in the moment is just say thank you, put it away, and quietly re-gift it later on. If someone asks, "Did you like that wine I gave you?" or brings up the topic of wine in general, you could maybe say, "I've discovered recently that red wine is one of the triggers for my migraines! I was surprised, but apparently it's not that uncommon, something about the tannins or whatever, isn't that interesting? I guess I have to limit myself to white wine in the future!"

--- End quote ---

This.  I have a similar problem with perfume.  Unfortunately, perfumed products, like wine, are often the go-to gifts for people you don't know well.  All you can do is accept it graciously and find a new home for it.  If the giver asks about it later, you can explain about the red wine sensitivity, but to be honest, I've never had anyone ask, whether the gift was hand lotion or wine. 

A better time to mention the red wine sensitivity is at another event where you are carrying a glass of white wine (or other tipple of your choice), or when you are in a group discussing wines.

citadelle:
I would not refuse the gift, that would be very embarrassing for the giver. Instead, I would accept the gift graciously and serve it to guests.

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