Author Topic: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume  (Read 7498 times)

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RingTailedLemur

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s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« on: December 31, 2012, 10:07:19 AM »
I am quite open about the fact that I do not drink any red wine because the slightest amount sets off my migraines.

Despite this, I have received a couple of bottles of red wine this year as gifts.  Is there a polite way to say, "thank you, but I can't have this" that doesn't lead to embarrassment or hurt feelings?

I feel so incredibly embarrassed when I happens.  On one occasion my husband stepped in and said, "oh, ha ha!  She can't have that!" but the friend is reasonably close and it got laughed off - but I was still embarrassed.  On the other occasion I didn't know the person very well, and he was a work colleague, so I simply thanked him graciously and later regifted it.

Then, later on, I had to make sure I never mentioned my red wine problem in front of the second friend in case it led to hurt or embarrassment.

MorgnsGrl

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2012, 10:13:15 AM »
I think the best you can do in the moment is just say thank you, put it away, and quietly re-gift it later on. If someone asks, "Did you like that wine I gave you?" or brings up the topic of wine in general, you could maybe say, "I've discovered recently that red wine is one of the triggers for my migraines! I was surprised, but apparently it's not that uncommon, something about the tannins or whatever, isn't that interesting? I guess I have to limit myself to white wine in the future!"

Itza

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2012, 10:34:57 AM »
I am quite open about the fact that I do not drink any red wine because the slightest amount sets off my migraines.

Despite this, I have received a couple of bottles of red wine this year as gifts.  Is there a polite way to say, "thank you, but I can't have this" that doesn't lead to embarrassment or hurt feelings?

I feel so incredibly embarrassed when I happens.  On one occasion my husband stepped in and said, "oh, ha ha!  She can't have that!" but the friend is reasonably close and it got laughed off - but I was still embarrassed.  On the other occasion I didn't know the person very well, and he was a work colleague, so I simply thanked him graciously and later regifted it.

Then, later on, I had to make sure I never mentioned my red wine problem in front of the second friend in case it led to hurt or embarrassment.

When I've received bottles of wine for gift, I've simply thanks the person and gave it to my husband to enjoy. I rarely drink. If I have wine it's 20% wine, 80% lemonade.

I don't have the migraine issue you have.

If it's a person you're close to, there'd be no harm in letting them know red wine causes migraines. I'm not sure the best time to do that though; how soon after the've gifted you the wine.




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magicdomino

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2012, 10:43:19 AM »
I think the best you can do in the moment is just say thank you, put it away, and quietly re-gift it later on. If someone asks, "Did you like that wine I gave you?" or brings up the topic of wine in general, you could maybe say, "I've discovered recently that red wine is one of the triggers for my migraines! I was surprised, but apparently it's not that uncommon, something about the tannins or whatever, isn't that interesting? I guess I have to limit myself to white wine in the future!"

This.  I have a similar problem with perfume.  Unfortunately, perfumed products, like wine, are often the go-to gifts for people you don't know well.  All you can do is accept it graciously and find a new home for it.  If the giver asks about it later, you can explain about the red wine sensitivity, but to be honest, I've never had anyone ask, whether the gift was hand lotion or wine. 

A better time to mention the red wine sensitivity is at another event where you are carrying a glass of white wine (or other tipple of your choice), or when you are in a group discussing wines.

citadelle

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2012, 10:48:19 AM »
I would not refuse the gift, that would be very embarrassing for the giver. Instead, I would accept the gift graciously and serve it to guests.

Morticia

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2012, 10:51:00 AM »
I currently have a bottle of white wine in the fridge. I can't abide the stuff, and DH doesn't drink it. But, it is useful if a white wine drinking friend drops in.  Can you look at it as stock for your wine cellar?

Citadelle posted while I was typing. Exactly.
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RingTailedLemur

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2012, 10:57:28 AM »
I have guests very very rarely, and those I do have either don't drink red wine or they drive (or both).  I don't have storage space for things that won't be used and it makes me feel bad when people waste their money.

123sandy

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2012, 11:02:42 AM »
I can't drink red wine for the same reasons. I  can cook with it with no problems though.

snowdragon

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2012, 11:06:03 AM »
I don't drink -  can't stand the stuff, but I am frequently given wine.  I pass it on to a family member who drinks so they can enjoy it. One year I was given 6 bottles of wine, between work and volunteer work. We joked that the relative got a "sampler" that year.  It does not need to be a waste of money unless you want it to be - someone you care about can enjoy it.

citadelle

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #9 on: December 31, 2012, 11:11:14 AM »
Please don't view it as a waste of money. Someone is attempting to gift you, and that is the point of the money spent. Even if you poured the wine down the drain, it was still an attempt at a nice gesture by the giver and to outright refuse would be more insulting than discreetly disposing of it.

bonyk

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #10 on: December 31, 2012, 11:19:41 AM »
Then, later on, I had to make sure I never mentioned my red wine problem in front of the second friend in case it led to hurt or embarrassment.

I don't think this is necessary.  If they notice and ask you about it, just say that you served it to some friends.

Firecat

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #11 on: December 31, 2012, 11:45:54 AM »
I can't drink red wine for the same reasons. I  can cook with it with no problems though.

I was going to suggest this...if you can't drink it, can you cook with it? There are some wonderful recipes that include red wine. Regifting is a good option, too. And I don't see any reason to specifically avoid mentioning the issue in front of the friend; if I give someone an item they can't use, I might feel momentarily upset on finding out, but as long as they're polite or matter-of-fact about it, it's not a big deal at all.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #12 on: December 31, 2012, 11:51:53 AM »
I can't drink red wine for the same reasons. I  can cook with it with no problems though.

I was going to suggest this...if you can't drink it, can you cook with it?

No :(

RingTailedLemur

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #13 on: December 31, 2012, 11:52:48 AM »
Thanks for the replies, all, several things to think about.

Firecat

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #14 on: December 31, 2012, 11:54:41 AM »
I can't drink red wine for the same reasons. I  can cook with it with no problems though.

I was going to suggest this...if you can't drink it, can you cook with it?

No :(

That is a bummer :( - then I think regifting is definitely your best option. And if it's a business gift, I might not say anything unless specifically asked if you'd prefer white wine or something like that; but with a friend, I know I'd really appreciate a quiet mention in private, so I know to get you something different next time.