Author Topic: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume  (Read 7887 times)

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WillyNilly

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #15 on: December 31, 2012, 12:24:07 PM »
Instead of seeing it as a gift of wine you can't drink, reframe it in your mind - it was a gift of not having to shop for your next hostess gift, or having something to contribute to the next potluck or raffle.  They gave you the gift of time saved and cash saved in having to go out and get something to bring. 

I love wine, heck most alcohol.  Mt DH does not drink at all.  He however loves almost all candy, I cannot stand milk chocolate or many other candies (although there is some stuff i like).  He gets all my chocolate gifts (and for whatever reason I get a lot), I get all his alcohol gifts. We thank the givers but then go home knowing "whoo-hoo!  I have a treat to surprise my spouse with!"

RingTailedLemur

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #16 on: December 31, 2012, 12:26:28 PM »
Instead of seeing it as a gift of wine you can't drink, reframe it in your mind - it was a gift of not having to shop for your next hostess gift, or having something to contribute to the next potluck or raffle.  They gave you the gift of time saved and cash saved in having to go out and get something to bring. 


Excellent advice, thank you (and thanks to other posters who said similar things).

MorgnsGrl

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #17 on: December 31, 2012, 12:32:38 PM »
Then, later on, I had to make sure I never mentioned my red wine problem in front of the second friend in case it led to hurt or embarrassment.

I don't think this is necessary.  If they notice and ask you about it, just say that you served it to some friends.

I agree. You could always say, "Oh, I served it when I had some friends over last month/whatever, everyone really enjoyed it." No one would think "everyone" didn't include yourself.

TootsNYC

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #18 on: December 31, 2012, 12:37:13 PM »
  On the other occasion I didn't know the person very well, and he was a work colleague, so I simply thanked him graciously and later regifted it.

Then, later on, I had to make sure I never mentioned my red wine problem in front of the second friend in case it led to hurt or embarrassment.

Even if the person is a close friend, you should simply thank people graciously and later regift the wine. (Or serve it to your guests while you drink something else.)

And I wouldn't worry in the tiniest bit about whether you mention your red-wine problem in front of anyone. If they remember that they gave you a red wine, they can put two and two together and realize that you didn't *personally* consume their gift. And if they *do* remember that they gave you a red, and they feel a bit chagrined that their gift didn't "score" as well as they'd hoped, they'll probably remember to not give you red wine again later. Win for you, right?

No one ever expects the recipient of *wine* to consume the entire bottle by themselves anyway. So if you served it at dinner for your guests to drink, while you didn't drink any of it, they'd consider the gift well given.

Deetee

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #19 on: December 31, 2012, 12:47:52 PM »
Instead of seeing it as a gift of wine you can't drink, reframe it in your mind - it was a gift of not having to shop for your next hostess gift, or having something to contribute to the next potluck or raffle.  They gave you the gift of time saved and cash saved in having to go out and get something to bring. 


Excellent advice, thank you (and thanks to other posters who said similar things).

I would go with WillyNilly's approach so I'm just agreeing with her. I also want to say that there is no reason to hide that you can't drink it. I don't think that embarrasment for the other person  is an issue. For example, I am currently 7 months pregnant. People still bring hosting gifts of wine and it never occurs to me to think that is an unreasonable gift. Granted, I still serve wine and my  husband drinks wine so we use it. If some doesn't get drunk, it is placed in the cupboard to take over to another party. To my mind, wine is the perfect gift (in my house) and if I gifted red to someone who couldn't drink it, and later found out they couldn't drink it, I would try to remember to get white next time, but I wouldn't worry about the red being wasted.

Hmmmmm

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #20 on: December 31, 2012, 01:16:15 PM »
  On the other occasion I didn't know the person very well, and he was a work colleague, so I simply thanked him graciously and later regifted it.

Then, later on, I had to make sure I never mentioned my red wine problem in front of the second friend in case it led to hurt or embarrassment.

Even if the person is a close friend, you should simply thank people graciously and later regift the wine. (Or serve it to your guests while you drink something else.)

And I wouldn't worry in the tiniest bit about whether you mention your red-wine problem in front of anyone. If they remember that they gave you a red wine, they can put two and two together and realize that you didn't *personally* consume their gift. And if they *do* remember that they gave you a red, and they feel a bit chagrined that their gift didn't "score" as well as they'd hoped, they'll probably remember to not give you red wine again later. Win for you, right?

No one ever expects the recipient of *wine* to consume the entire bottle by themselves anyway. So if you served it at dinner for your guests to drink, while you didn't drink any of it, they'd consider the gift well given.

This,  don't feel embarrassed, don't, feel guilty, just dispose of it as you see fit, even regifting to someone else.  And don't hide your problem with red wine.

miranova

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #21 on: December 31, 2012, 01:57:52 PM »
No reason to feel bad at all!  In the case of the coworker, I wouldn't give it a 2nd thought.  I don't know most of my coworkers likes and dislikes, unless we also socialize outside of work.  I think it's a reasonably appropriate guess to give a coworker a bottle of wine.  It didn't hit the mark for you, but that's ok, it's an aquaintance.  It could just as easily been something else that you didn't happen to enjoy but it's still an appropriate Christmas gift for that level of relationship.  Just say thank you and regift it, as others have adequately covered.

For friends, are you a tiny bit offended that they don't remember that you can't drink it?  I can see why that would be disappointing, but unless your friends are uncaring in other ways, I would try not to take it personally.  I have a terrrible memory for things like that myself.  I don't normally gift wine unless it's someone I know will enjoy it, simply because there are enough people that just don't drink for whatever reason that I would hate to risk it.  But I can still see a situation where someone was genuinely trying to be nice and just forgot about your sensitivity to wine. If we are talking about real friends here, I see no reason to hide the fact that you can't drink from them.  When it comes up, let it come up.  If they say "oops, I guess that means you didn't enjoy my gift?" then you can say you appreciated the thought and didn't expect everyone to remember and that you got some use out of it by serving it to friends.  I bet they won't forget again, and no one has to be embarrased.

magicdomino

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #22 on: December 31, 2012, 02:39:58 PM »
Instead of seeing it as a gift of wine you can't drink, reframe it in your mind - it was a gift of not having to shop for your next hostess gift, or having something to contribute to the next potluck or raffle.

A-hem, Dirty Santa anyone?   ;D 

VorFemme

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #23 on: December 31, 2012, 03:18:40 PM »
Instead of seeing it as a gift of wine you can't drink, reframe it in your mind - it was a gift of not having to shop for your next hostess gift, or having something to contribute to the next potluck or raffle.

A-hem, Dirty Santa anyone?   ;D 

Anyone ever noticed that boxes of Godiva choclates never seem to make it into a Dirty Santa game?
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

magicdomino

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #24 on: December 31, 2012, 03:45:34 PM »
Instead of seeing it as a gift of wine you can't drink, reframe it in your mind - it was a gift of not having to shop for your next hostess gift, or having something to contribute to the next potluck or raffle.

A-hem, Dirty Santa anyone?   ;D 

Anyone ever noticed that boxes of Godiva choclates never seem to make it into a Dirty Santa game?

If one does, and the game has a $10 limit, be very, very suspcious.  Especially if there is a practical joker in the group.   >:D

JanaL

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #25 on: December 31, 2012, 03:57:49 PM »
OP, I feel your frustration.  Would you like to trade?  My sister's family got my husband and I a bottle of "wine product" for Christmas that is 6% alcohol, only available in the local Walmart for $5.99.   >:D

No, but seriously, I think all you can do is graciously accept it and re-gift it later.  That's what I'm planning to do, too.  :-X

/yes, this is the same sister who left my catered wedding reception to buy food at McDonald's and brought it back to consume in front of all our other guests.
//we brought them gourmet coffee for Christmas morning, a serving set, and spent over $200 on gifts for their children.
///according to my sister's constant facebook postings, she knows her way around a liquor store very well and could have gotten us a nice red bottle for the same amount of $$ she spent on "wine product".   ::)

xanne

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #26 on: January 04, 2013, 01:41:47 PM »
VorFemme, you need to work with more folks like me who are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts.  Those little words "may contain" have caused me to regift lots of expensive chocolates.

Lynn2000

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #27 on: January 04, 2013, 02:11:05 PM »
I also agree there's no reason to be embarrassed about it. :) I would just take the gift and thank them, and like WillyNilly said, see it as a future gift to someone else that you now don't have to purchase. I get not wanting to store it, though, especially for a long time. A few months after the gift was given, I would find an opportunity to mention casually that I couldn't drink red wine at all to that friend, and hope they put two and two together.

Honestly, for a friend, I would rather belatedly realize I had mistakenly given the wrong thing once, and correct myself in the future, rather than feel like they had to hide my mistake from me forever, potentially allowing me to make it over and over again. Surely there must be some joke about a person quietly collecting something from people for years, only to have them discover a huge cache in the closet because she actually hates it but never wanted to say anything? :)

I'm not sure if it's common to donate alcohol to places or not; maybe a local wine store could suggest places that would take it? Anyone know of any non-edible uses for wine, like in crafts or gardening? I know my mom once had me get her some beer to put in one of her compost bins to help it digest better.
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Morticia

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #28 on: January 04, 2013, 02:41:16 PM »
I also agree there's no reason to be embarrassed about it. :) I would just take the gift and thank them, and like WillyNilly said, see it as a future gift to someone else that you now don't have to purchase. I get not wanting to store it, though, especially for a long time. A few months after the gift was given, I would find an opportunity to mention casually that I couldn't drink red wine at all to that friend, and hope they put two and two together.

Honestly, for a friend, I would rather belatedly realize I had mistakenly given the wrong thing once, and correct myself in the future, rather than feel like they had to hide my mistake from me forever, potentially allowing me to make it over and over again. Surely there must be some joke about a person quietly collecting something from people for years, only to have them discover a huge cache in the closet because she actually hates it but never wanted to say anything? :)

I'm not sure if it's common to donate alcohol to places or not; maybe a local wine store could suggest places that would take it? Anyone know of any non-edible uses for wine, like in crafts or gardening? I know my mom once had me get her some beer to put in one of her compost bins to help it digest better.

In theory, red wine also has yeast which I would imagine is the helpful ingredient in the beer. Side note: DH got some rather dreadful tasting mead for Christmas, and the yeast fact made me think that it could be used to make a respectable sourdough starter.
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Lynnv

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Re: s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume
« Reply #29 on: January 04, 2013, 02:54:12 PM »
I'm not sure if it's common to donate alcohol to places or not; maybe a local wine store could suggest places that would take it? Anyone know of any non-edible uses for wine, like in crafts or gardening? I know my mom once had me get her some beer to put in one of her compost bins to help it digest better.

In theory, red wine also has yeast which I would imagine is the helpful ingredient in the beer. Side note: DH got some rather dreadful tasting mead for Christmas, and the yeast fact made me think that it could be used to make a respectable sourdough starter.

In terms of donations, I know that some of the charities that I am involved with that do silent auctions will accept wine donations, so you might look into that.  I often see quite a few bottles of wine being auctioned off at these things. 

I don't know about any non-drinking uses other than cooking-so I am not any help there.
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