s/o where does the responsibility lie - gifts I cannot consume

[Just Lori]

I'm going to disagree a bit and say that if it's a recipient I expect to be buying for again, especially multiple times in the future, I'd very much like to know if a gift won't be used.  Suppose I have a wonderful little corner shop that makes custom made soaps and lotions.  I love the shop and I love the soaps, so I tend to buy them as gifts for friends.  I buy gift baskets for birthdays and little personal-sized lotions to keep on hand as "thank you" or "just because" gifts.  If my sister-in-law turns out to be allergic to the soaps, or if she's on a soap-free hygiene regimen, I'd like to have a heads up before I give her more soap.  I know it's the thought that counts, but I really, really want to buy people items they are going to use and love.

I think the re.lationship makes a difference.  If I'm buying someone gifts on a regular basis, I would hope that we had the kind of relation.ship where the recipient could say, "Lori, thanks for thinking of me with the soap, but you may not have realized that I am only washing with spring water and playground sand these days."

If the recipient is a neighbor or acquaintance that I will rarely buy for, I think we can keep the personal details personal and get along with a heart felt thank you.

[artk2002]

In theory, red wine also has yeast which I would imagine is the helpful ingredient in the beer. Side note: DH got some rather dreadful tasting mead for Christmas, and the yeast fact made me think that it could be used to make a respectable sourdough starter.

In general, the species and strain of yeast you use for red wine making are different than those used for beer. Plus, the yeast in your red wine should be dead by now. If it's still active, then you're going to have exploding bottles. That's one reason red wines are treated with sulfites -- to kill the yeast. Same with the mead -- it's unlikely that there is live yeast there.

As an aside to the aside: You need more than yeast for a sourdough starter. A sourdough is a symbiotic relationship between a specific yeast strain and a strain of Lactobacillus. The most famous of the latter being L. sanfranciscensis (found guess where?) Without the Lactobacillus, you won't get the nice sour taste. Plus, the yeast in the mead (or wine) is likely Saccharomyces cerevisiae and most sourdoughs are S. exiguus or Candida milleri.

[Girly]

Despite this, I have received a couple of bottles of red wine this year as gifts.  Is there a polite way to say, "thank you, but I can't have this" that doesn't lead to embarrassment or hurt feelings?

I can't drink alcohol at all (allergies? I don't really know, it turns my face all red and puffy.... it didn't always used to happen, either - think college years...).

Any time I am gifted a bottle of wine, I simply say 'thank you' and gift it to one of my many drinking girlfriends. They all seem to appreciate the unexpected gifts with enthusiasm.

I also try to keep an (unopened) bottle of wine on hand  for when we have people over for dinner or game night, etc - just in case someone would like some instead of water/milk/soda.

[Outdoor Girl]

If you want to address it and it is appropriate for the event, you could say something like, 'Thanks!  My DH (mother, sister, whoever) will love this.  I won't be able to partake, unfortunately, since red wine gives me migraines.'  I don't think I'd do this with a work associate but I would with friends.

Another possibility would be to check with your local stores that sell that particular wine and see if you can exchange an unopened bottle for a bottle of white that costs the same or less.  I know the LCBO here in Ontario will allow you to return unused bottles when you buy a lot for a particular event.  In the case of wine, it might be unopened cases, though.

[VorFemme]

VorFemme, you need to work with more folks like me who are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts.  Those little words "may contain" have caused me to regift lots of expensive chocolates.

No one in the family is allergic to nuts.

Artificial sweeteners, strawberries, pineapple, flax seed, asparagus, and seafood are on the "Do Not Take To Family Dinners" list of one or more family members, though.  I posted in an old thread about my younger sister's experience over the weekend with artificial sweeteners used in EVERY appetizer & entree at our table on Sunday at TGIFridays.  Since DD is also sensitive to artificial sweeteners, neither Lil Sis nor Ambrosia Hino will not be eating at TGIFridays any time soon.

VorGuy had just  a bunch of gift cards - we'll still eat there, at least as long as we have the gift cards.  I don't think that we'll be giving them to anyone who reacts to the food on the menu, either.

[DistantStar]

My non-drinker parents simply pass any such gifts on, with no drama.  When I was living with them a few years ago I was the recipient of several bottles from my stepdad from work channels, people who didn't know they don't drink.  Yay!  Free wine!  If you are given a bottle and for whatever reason are not comfortable telling them you don't drink, I would line up a person or a few people you know who would appreciate such a gift in the future and just pass 'em on if you get them.

I don't give alcohol unless I know the person in question would like it, but it's a common enough gift that my parents take no offense.

[Cami]

I'm terribly allergic to white wine, so I just pass it along to someone else. If all else fails, I've been known to knock on my neighbors' doors and offer it to them. People are generally quite happy to get a free bottle of alcohol.

[JeseC]

What do you do with gifts you actually can't take?  I'm one of those people who is terribly sensitive to perfume - to the point where I cannot be in the same room with certain items for very long.  I don't want to throw the item in a far away trash can and hope the giver won't notice, but taking it home is just not happening!

[LadyClaire]

I don't drink, I don't wear perfume and am insanely picky about lotions (have to be, due to my crazy sensitive skin). Needless to say, I re-gift a LOT of things. The wine usually is given to my husband or sister, and the lotions/perfumes/bath products go to friends or relatives. I always just politely and graciously accept the gift.

One year one of my bosses gave me a massive bottle of red wine and a box of chocolate covered nuts for christmas. I hate nuts, and again, can't drink due to the horrible acid reflux issues it causes, so I just stashed the gifts until we had a party and used them for that.

[Lynn2000]

What do you do with gifts you actually can't take?  I'm one of those people who is terribly sensitive to perfume - to the point where I cannot be in the same room with certain items for very long.  I don't want to throw the item in a far away trash can and hope the giver won't notice, but taking it home is just not happening!

Once someone gave my boss a very expensive bottle of perfume from overseas. I admit it wasn't a well-thought-out gift, as my boss never wears scented products and has an extremely sensitive sense of smell, to the point of getting migraines from certain smells. My socially-awkward boss was completely flabbergasted by the gift and had no idea what to do with it--literally, the options she thought of were tossing it into the trash can, or returning it to the giver. She claimed she didn't know a single person she could give it to, and selling it online would be too much work for her. So she returned it to the giver. She tried to be nice about it, like, "Oh, thank you for the gift, but I just don't wear perfume ever, and I want to give it back to you so you can do something else with it, because otherwise I'm just going to throw it away." It was not someone who knew her well (obviously) and I think they were rather surprised and hurt by her "thoughtfulness" in returning the gift. So... I advise not doing this.

[JeseC]

What do you do with gifts you actually can't take?  I'm one of those people who is terribly sensitive to perfume - to the point where I cannot be in the same room with certain items for very long.  I don't want to throw the item in a far away trash can and hope the giver won't notice, but taking it home is just not happening!

Once someone gave my boss a very expensive bottle of perfume from overseas. I admit it wasn't a well-thought-out gift, as my boss never wears scented products and has an extremely sensitive sense of smell, to the point of getting migraines from certain smells. My socially-awkward boss was completely flabbergasted by the gift and had no idea what to do with it--literally, the options she thought of were tossing it into the trash can, or returning it to the giver. She claimed she didn't know a single person she could give it to, and selling it online would be too much work for her. So she returned it to the giver. She tried to be nice about it, like, "Oh, thank you for the gift, but I just don't wear perfume ever, and I want to give it back to you so you can do something else with it, because otherwise I'm just going to throw it away." It was not someone who knew her well (obviously) and I think they were rather surprised and hurt by her "thoughtfulness" in returning the gift. So... I advise not doing this.

What would you do though?  Just hide it in a far away trash can?  I feel that has a significant risk of being even worse, if someone sees/smells their gift in the trash.

[kudeebee]

What do you do with gifts you actually can't take?  I'm one of those people who is terribly sensitive to perfume - to the point where I cannot be in the same room with certain items for very long.  I don't want to throw the item in a far away trash can and hope the giver won't notice, but taking it home is just not happening!

Once someone gave my boss a very expensive bottle of perfume from overseas. I admit it wasn't a well-thought-out gift, as my boss never wears scented products and has an extremely sensitive sense of smell, to the point of getting migraines from certain smells. My socially-awkward boss was completely flabbergasted by the gift and had no idea what to do with it--literally, the options she thought of were tossing it into the trash can, or returning it to the giver. She claimed she didn't know a single person she could give it to, and selling it online would be too much work for her. So she returned it to the giver. She tried to be nice about it, like, "Oh, thank you for the gift, but I just don't wear perfume ever, and I want to give it back to you so you can do something else with it, because otherwise I'm just going to throw it away." It was not someone who knew her well (obviously) and I think they were rather surprised and hurt by her "thoughtfulness" in returning the gift. So... I advise not doing this.

What would you do though?  Just hide it in a far away trash can?  I feel that has a significant risk of being even worse, if someone sees/smells their gift in the trash.

You accept it graciously and if you don't know anyone who would use it, you donate it or throw it away when you are at your home.

[JeseC]

What do you do with gifts you actually can't take?  I'm one of those people who is terribly sensitive to perfume - to the point where I cannot be in the same room with certain items for very long.  I don't want to throw the item in a far away trash can and hope the giver won't notice, but taking it home is just not happening!

Once someone gave my boss a very expensive bottle of perfume from overseas. I admit it wasn't a well-thought-out gift, as my boss never wears scented products and has an extremely sensitive sense of smell, to the point of getting migraines from certain smells. My socially-awkward boss was completely flabbergasted by the gift and had no idea what to do with it--literally, the options she thought of were tossing it into the trash can, or returning it to the giver. She claimed she didn't know a single person she could give it to, and selling it online would be too much work for her. So she returned it to the giver. She tried to be nice about it, like, "Oh, thank you for the gift, but I just don't wear perfume ever, and I want to give it back to you so you can do something else with it, because otherwise I'm just going to throw it away." It was not someone who knew her well (obviously) and I think they were rather surprised and hurt by her "thoughtfulness" in returning the gift. So... I advise not doing this.

What would you do though?  Just hide it in a far away trash can?  I feel that has a significant risk of being even worse, if someone sees/smells their gift in the trash.

You accept it graciously and if you don't know anyone who would use it, you donate it or throw it away when you are at your home.

I'm confused as to how I would do such a thing.

[bonyk]

Discretely wrap it in as many plastic bags as you can, and throw it away somewhere between home and work.  Or go out for lunch and throw it in a public garbage can.

[pumpkin grower]

I would re-gift it later or save it for holiday dinners with friends or family.