People who talk to themselves... sometimes.

[MorgnsGrl]

My DH is a guy who talks to himself and/or to his computer. Sometimes it seems to me that he's talking to himself, but in reality it turns out that he was talking to me -- and then he's annoyed that I "ignored" him. Other times, I think that he's talking to me but it turns out he wasn't, so when I respond he's annoyed because he wasn't talking to me and I've interrupted his train of thought. I feel like I can't win! Is there anyone else who has this problem, and if so, have you found anything that helps?

[Blondie]

I have actually been in your DH's shoes, and found that the easiest way to fix it (and for me it was embarrassing when people would notice and think I was talking to them...) was to always start a statement to someone else by saying their name: "Bradford, do we need milk?" verse "Do we need milk?" I found it directed the comment to the given person and most people will tune in to their name. Is it possible to ask your DH to do the same? It might not work every time, but at least then he isn't expecting you to be a mind reader.

[violinp]

I'm one who has a audible train of thought practically all the time around family (people give me funny looks out in public).

If your DH is actually addressing you, he should try to get your attention by saying, "Honey, listen to this," or something akin. It's really rude to expect people to practically read your mind about what conversations are directed at them, and which are not.

ETA: POD to Blondie

[Itza]

My DH is a guy who talks to himself and/or to his computer. Sometimes it seems to me that he's talking to himself, but in reality it turns out that he was talking to me -- and then he's annoyed that I "ignored" him. Other times, I think that he's talking to me but it turns out he wasn't, so when I respond he's annoyed because he wasn't talking to me and I've interrupted his train of thought. I feel like I can't win! Is there anyone else who has this problem, and if so, have you found anything that helps?

1) Yes, I have an eerily similar problem.
2) Not really. What's worked is short term, I mean.

My husband interrupts what I'm doing to talk to himself. So, when my concentration is broken and I responds with, "Huh? Wuh?" He'll say, "Oh, nothing I was just..." Then leave the sentence hanging as he does a lot. I wait a few beats because I know he's not going to finish his sentence (a pattern) though he's told me off for trying to hurry him when I've tried to prompt him (can't win!). So, when I've said, "Just what?" in this instance he'll say, "Oh, I was just talking to myself, I'm going to do X, Y and Z..." and trails off again. I asked, "Can you please not interrupt me just to talk to yourself?" He'll agree and apologise then do the same dingdangity thing again next time! Grrr!

Other times, we can be sat having breakfast. He'll be on the iPad, I'll be reading my Kindle. He's not blind or stupid so he can see I'm reading. He'll start reading stuff out to me, thereby interrupting my quiet reading. I asked, "Do you really want me to know what you're reading or do you just want to read aloud?" He said he wanted to read aloud so I handed him my Kindle and said, "Can you please read my book to me?" He did so. However, he still reads things out when I'm doing some quiet reading! Drives me barmy!

I feel your frustration OP, I really do. I wish I could help (((hug)))


*Edited because I can't eat chocolate and type at the same time.

[MorgnsGrl]

My husband interrupts what I'm doing to talk to himself. So, when my concentration is broken and I responds with, "Huh? Wuh?" He'll say, "Oh, nothing I was just..." Then leave the sentence hanging as he does a lot. I wait a few beats because I know he's not going to finish his sentence (a pattern) though he's told me off for trying to hurry him when I've tried to prompt him (can't win!). So, when I've said, "Just what?" in this instance he'll say, "Oh, I was just talking to myself, I'm going to do X, Y and Z..." and trails off again. I asked, "Can you please not interrupt me just to talk to yourself?" He'll agree and apologise then do the same dingdangity thing again next time! Grrr!

Our husbands must be distantly related! Mine starts to say something then trails off and I wait, and wait, and wait for him to finish. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. I think I'm going to try to just let it go when he trails off -- if he comes back and finishes, great, but it makes me a little crazy to be hanging there waiting to see if he'll go back to the thought or not. I'm glad this isn't an isolated problem limited to me, but am sorry there are others dealing with it!

[bonyk]

I talk to myself constantly.  I tell people to tell me to stop it if it annoys them.  Usually, they tell me it's no problem, but that I need to let them know if I expect a response from them.

It sounds like you DH needs a bit of self-awareness.  Could you broach the subject when it's not in the middle of the tension?  Maybe something like, "Hon, last night you got mad at me for not answering you.  I didn't know you talking to me, because you tend to talk to yourself.  So, from now on, when you want me to listen, just say my name first, okay?"

[JenJay]

I talk to stuff - mostly the tv. I joke about it to DH because he'll often holler from the other room "Huh? Did you say something to me?" and I'll yell back "No. I was yelling at the tv. I don't know why it never listens!" or "No, the tv. Mind your business!" 

We always start a comment to each other with "Hey, love..." to indicate we're not actually talking to some inanimate object for a change. DD has a problem with frequently having to restate things because she's the only one who never prefaces a statement/question to someone with "Mom..." (or whomever) so most of the time the person she's speaking to doesn't realize until she's halfway through a sentence or says "Hello? Did you hear me?"

As PPs have said, ask your DH to make a point of letting you know when he is speaking to you and let him know you'll ignore him, so as not to interrupt, if he doesn't.

[SmarterPrimate]

Almost the same problem here too!

My DF plays several games online with friends, and is involved in a gaming league. He will often say something to a gaming friend (over his headset) that sounds like it’s directed at me. Our desks are back-to-back, so I’ll pull my attention away from what I’m doing and turn around with a “What was that?” only to be told “Oh sorry, I was talking to So-and-so online…”

In our situation, this has happened sooo many times that I have lost all patience for it. Now when he’s at his desk, I completely ignore anything he says unless it starts with “Hey, Smarter…”

When I instituted the ignore policy, we had a few days of “Hey Smarter, I was talking to you…” I had to explain that when he’s talking to someone online, especially through his headset so I cannot hear both sides of the convo, I have NO way of knowing who he is talking to, so I have to assume it is not me. Otherwise I’ll go nuts with the interruptions.

He gets it now 

[Specky]

My DH constantly whistles, gurgles, clicks, whirrs and either talks or whispers to himself.  We often can't tell when he is talking to one of us instead of himself.  BUT-he will tell the kids to "stop tapping".  ARRRRR!  It drives me nuts.

[CakeEater]

My DH is the same, except he mumbles rather than talks, so I'm always saying, 'pardon? what was that?' etc. No solutions yet, sorry.

[MariaE]

I have colleagues who talk to themselves. I zone them out, and if it turns out they're talking to me, I explain "Oh, I'm sorry, I tend to get so caught up in my wirtig that I don't realize people are talking to me unless they actually say my name." I've never had anybody take offense at that nor have I ever had to explain it twice

[kareng57]

Guilty as charged, here.  My family would hear me from downstairs, in the family-office room, yelling "but I just told you that!" and say "just Mom yelling at the computer, again".

That said, I always made it clear when I was actually summoning someone for help rather than loudly venting.  So your Dh needs to find some kind of signal for this, I agree.

[Shalamar]

I talk to myself all the time, but never when anyone else can hear me.  My neighbors already think I'm a bit of a whackjob.   

[Ceallach]

I agree with PPs, this is his quirk therefore he needs to adapt his behavior to get a better outcome. You are not a mind reader!

If he refuses to acknowledge how confusing his behavior is and that you really do have no idea when he is talking to you and when he isn't, then he's a definite Speshul Snowflake.  But if you treat it lightly and with humor he will hopefully understand that it's not a criticism - you're not telling him never to talk to himself, just that he needs to get your attention before talking to you so you can tell the difference!

[scotcat60]

According to recent research it is good for you to talk to yourself, as it concentrates your mind and helps you focus on what you have to do.

And a tleast someone is listening to you.