General Etiquette > Family and Children

When parents say no

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Queen of Clubs:

--- Quote from: miranova on December 31, 2012, 09:46:11 AM ---It doesn't matter whether or not it's an excuse.  The children's parents don't want her taking the children up to see her father.  I'd probably say no as well.  You say the children are "very" young.  Do they even know Flora's father or care?  I'm imagining not.  I'm not saying they should never meet him but if I were the children's parent I would want to be included in the visit so that I could make sure the children were taken care of while Flora visited with her father.
--- End quote ---

OP here.  I agree that it doesn't matter whether it's an excuse or not - the parents said no so it's 'no'.

The children have met their great-grandfather a few times, but the eldest child is two, and I don't know how well they know him or remember him.

--- Quote from: bonyk on December 31, 2012, 09:59:07 AM ---Hmm.  Interesting.  Do you know (or have a suspicion) MIL is not allowed to take the children?  I don't think I'd want someone else taking my DD on a trip to a strange, non-child friendly venue where they'd be likely to be distracted.
--- End quote ---

I know she's not allowed to take the children to visit her father because she flat out said so, and she expressed her annoyance at their decision.  I wonder if it's because it's a fairly long drive and it'd make for a very busy day (journey there and back, visit in the middle).  I know Flora is tired after visiting her father, so maybe that plays into their decision, but I haven't asked them so I don't know.  Nor would I ask them - I don't consider their decision to be any of my business.

--- Quote ---You could try pointing out to her that it's not about "winning" the visit in the short-term, but working towards building a solid long-term relationship with her grandkids.

--- End quote ---

Flora complains that she doesn't get to babysit her grandkids much.  As she ignores their parents' instructions, I think they know that and that's why.  I know she ignores their instructions because she's told me about it!  She thinks she knows better.

Don't get me wrong, Flora has a lot of good qualities, but she has a bad habit of thinking she's right and others are wrong, and so she'll go ahead and do stuff and not even think about the consequences.  As she and her DIL don't get along (and didn't before children were added to the mix), I doubt her DIL would let her get away with it.

Edited to fix the name change.  Sorry!

You gave her good advice. Hopefully she follows it. And maybe she'll start to saline that breaking the rules is why she doesn't get to have them very often.

If it comes up again I'd say something like "I know it's important to you that your Dad get to see the babies, but I'm really worried what will happen if you go against your son and dil's wishes. I think you should talk to them again and ask if there is a time you can all get together and go visit your Dad." If she continues to insist that her way is best I'd just bean dip her in further discussions.  :-\

Wild speculation - is it possible they have less than wonderful feelings/memories about grandpa/great-grandpa? 

If my MIL did this it would be the last unsupervised visit ever. I can guess why she and DIL aren't best buddies.


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