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My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3

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NotCinderell:
I forgot the wonderful Toots Technique.  I'll keep it in mind.

bloo:

--- Quote from: NotCinderell on December 31, 2012, 11:04:15 AM ---Last summer, my mom was difficult with me while I was talking about making plans to visit her in Chicago.  We scrapped our plans and went to Seattle instead (our first big family vacation EVER that didn't involve visiting relatives out of obligation and wasn't just a quick weekend getaway) and had a blast.

--- End quote ---

Go visit your friend and then all y'all go to Seattle. It was so awesome for us when we took our first real vacation (i.e. NOT visiting relatives). Don't think another thing about your mom. You already know she's 'difficult'.

Apologize for hanging up, though. It's understandable but not good, all the same.

bopper:
Maybe as Toots says, rephrase.

"I am going to Cincinatti then" sounds like you are choosing the Cincinatti friends over her.

"We are not available that weekend, what is another good time" sounds like you want to see her but just not that time.  You shouldn't say that she should give up her Dominic Republic vacation because she has already said that is a time she is not available.

NotCinderell:
UPDATE

Called Mom yesterday.  Told her that we had thought it over, and that this was a weekend that my husband was going to have to take off work anyway, so we were going to use it for our limited vacation time and actually take a vacation.  Mom says she's decided that she's going to visit my cousin in New York instead and that because we won't be available this single weekend out of the year, she's not going to be able to visit us at all this year.  Then she brings up once again that she ONLY gets TWO WEEKS of vacation. 

I suggested that she was welcome at any time to spend any of that two weeks with us instead of going to the island, but that we also only got two weeks and we didn't want to stay home for all of it.  She accused me then of trying to make her feel bad.  I said that I wasn't trying to make her feel anything, but the facts were that this was a matter of her priorities and choices.  She started yelling at me, and I said, "This is getting ugly.  I'm going to hang up now."  And I hung up.

LeveeWoman:

--- Quote from: NotCinderell on January 03, 2013, 10:31:55 AM ---UPDATE

Called Mom yesterday.  Told her that we had thought it over, and that this was a weekend that my husband was going to have to take off work anyway, so we were going to use it for our limited vacation time and actually take a vacation.  Mom says she's decided that she's going to visit my cousin in New York instead and that because we won't be available this single weekend out of the year, she's not going to be able to visit us at all this year.  Then she brings up once again that she ONLY gets TWO WEEKS of vacation. 

I suggested that she was welcome at any time to spend any of that two weeks with us instead of going to the island, but that we also only got two weeks and we didn't want to stay home for all of it.  She accused me then of trying to make her feel bad.  I said that I wasn't trying to make her feel anything, but the facts were that this was a matter of her priorities and choices.  She started yelling at me, and I said, "This is getting ugly.  I'm going to hang up now."  And I hung up.

--- End quote ---

Good for you!

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