General Etiquette > Family and Children

My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3

<< < (2/9) > >>

MorgnsGrl:
Could you offer to pay part of her travel costs to come visit you? That might convince her that you DO want to see her, and you do want her to be able to spend time with her grandchildren. Given the costs of your entire family traveling to see her, and the fact that her home can't accommodate all of you, it seems easier and more sensible for her to visit you at your home than the other way around.

I don't think it's wrong to hang up on her if she's yelling at you or calling you names. You could say something like, "Mom, I'm not going to talk to you if you yell at me/call me names. I'm hanging up now. Bye."

bonyk:
You definitely don't need to stay on the phone with someone who is calling you names.

The bottom line is, if your mom wants to see the kids, she will make it happen.

onyonryngs:

--- Quote from: MorgnsGrl on December 31, 2012, 11:20:53 AM ---Could you offer to pay part of her travel costs to come visit you? That might convince her that you DO want to see her, and you do want her to be able to spend time with her grandchildren. Given the costs of your entire family traveling to see her, and the fact that her home can't accommodate all of you, it seems easier and more sensible for her to visit you at your home than the other way around.

I don't think it's wrong to hang up on her if she's yelling at you or calling you names. You could say something like, "Mom, I'm not going to talk to you if you yell at me/call me names. I'm hanging up now. Bye."

--- End quote ---

I don't think it's hanging up if you preface it with a warning.  It's a training method - like with dogs - if you do it enough, they'll hopefully get the hint and quit that type of talk before it gets to the point of needing to get off the phone.

NotCinderell:

--- Quote from: MorgnsGrl on December 31, 2012, 11:20:53 AM ---Could you offer to pay part of her travel costs to come visit you? That might convince her that you DO want to see her, and you do want her to be able to spend time with her grandchildren. Given the costs of your entire family traveling to see her, and the fact that her home can't accommodate all of you, it seems easier and more sensible for her to visit you at your home than the other way around.

I don't think it's wrong to hang up on her if she's yelling at you or calling you names. You could say something like, "Mom, I'm not going to talk to you if you yell at me/call me names. I'm hanging up now. Bye."

--- End quote ---

Well, she was already planning on visiting us at home.  The problem is, we don't want to be home that weekend.  And she has the money to visit us.  Money isn't an issue.

miranova:
I think sometimes people do need to be called out on the manipulation and guilt. 

My MIL pulls the guilt trip all the time, it means "so much to her" for the children to come up TO HER, 2000 miles away.  She therefore informed us of the particular 2 weeks that she was free in the summer for this to happen.  It doesn't work that way.  We could not travel during that time so the guilt poured on.  When we tried to suggest different times for her to come here, the truth came out that she was already busy with FIVE additional vacations that summer.  My husband calmly told her that if we were her 6th choice, it must not mean that much to her after all.  I don't think he was nasty, I think it was a much needed dose of honesty to stop the guilt trip. 

Everyone has priorities.  If a 2 week Carribean vacation is her first choice, then she doesn't get to complain about never seeing the kids.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version