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Author Topic: Is this reasonable and normal?  (Read 9327 times)

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #30 on: January 01, 2013, 03:55:23 PM »
Quiche sounds like a good deal.  Maybe you can hold off warming it and let SIL and her family warm it up so that it's a bit fresher.  Maybe?

Glad you found something easy to make!  :)


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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #31 on: January 01, 2013, 04:21:48 PM »
Quiche is consisted a breakfast food? I consider it a nice lunch or dinner food.

Make sure you blind bake the pastry! There are those that don't.


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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #32 on: January 01, 2013, 04:56:40 PM »
I would assume that the original purpose of this meal train was because people know that parents who have a sick baby in the hospital don't have much time to cook.  I would argue that having a sick baby at home might be just as time consuming if not more so.  You don't have anyone else's help, no nurses, no doctors, not a single opportunity to be "off" for a single moment.  Yes, that's just part of being a parent, and of course they aren't entitled to meals but I can certainly understand continuing the meals until the original cut off date, especially since people had already planned on providing them.

OP, I do understand how this confusion could have occurred, and it's not a totally unreasonable thought that you had that it might have been cancelled.  I do think that since you voluntarily signed up, that you should fulfill the commitment, as it appears you have decided to do.

In the future though, I would caution against volunteering to do things for this SIL if you really don't think she needs it or doesn't deserve it or whatever.  These things are completely voluntary, and it's only going to add to your resentment of your SIL if you do things for her when your heart isn't in it.  Just decline in the my experience you don't even need to actually say no, you just don't sign up.


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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #33 on: January 01, 2013, 05:04:02 PM »
Honestly - I would expect the meal train for after the child was discharged and not so much for while the child was in the hospital.  Parents tend to stay in the hospital with their kids leaving to grab something to eat and shower. I know my sis (a hospital social worker) has recommended gc to area restaurants for while the child is in the hospital. While dealing with a recovering child at home (and other healthy kids who have been dealing with the stress) meals can be a godsend.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future


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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #34 on: January 01, 2013, 08:09:13 PM »
I can also see how the OP assumed the meal train would end upon discharge from hospital. I don't think it was a wholly "unreasonable assumption". The organiser should ideally have made that clear in their email.

I also think that's it's extremely generous of the SIL's family and friends to be providing them with meals for 6-7 weeks - that's quite a long time, IMO. And I hope the new baby gets better soon.


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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #35 on: January 01, 2013, 08:21:04 PM »
Is it a budget issue with the food?  When you said way back when, you could provide a meal, you had it budgeted?  Right?

So when the baby was sent home, you figured it out of your budget?


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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #36 on: January 01, 2013, 09:35:19 PM »
My church has a meal calendar we participate in and it is planned out in advance, sometimes things do happen, but I think you are right to keep your obligation. With our church, it is more likely to be people in recovery than still in the hospital, so this is the norm for me.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien


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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #37 on: January 01, 2013, 10:16:23 PM »
Since the meals were to have ended on the original discharge date, I too would have assumed that they ended when baby was discharged.  While I think it is nice that meals were brought for the first few days they were home, personally i don't think they need to continue this long.

Quiche is a fine dish.  Filling and reheats nicely.


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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #38 on: January 02, 2013, 12:26:26 AM »
A lot of people had mentioned in my holiday thread about my sister in law that my perspective on things regarding her is skewed towards the negative, and because of that, I wanted to run this particular situation that I was just reminded of today by everyone to see if I'm being unreasonable and petty.  Of course, naturally I hope you'll all agree with me, but if you all dogpile and tell me I am being unreasonable...well, I may have to change my mind!

Okay, while sister in law was in the hospital with her baby, a friend of theirs set up a meal train on a website.  Basically, you sign up to bring meals on certain dates for the family, and put down what the meal you're bringing is, if you know.  You can also put down "We'll bring something, don't know what it is yet".  Since the baby was originally scheduled to stay at the hospital until January 6th, that's when the meal train ran through.  When she was discharged on December 21st, I assumed the meal train was cancelled, since they were back at home. 

Today, I got an email reminder that we had signed up to bring a dish to the family tomorrow, Jan 2nd.  I went to the website, and there's a note from the organizer stating we should all continue to bring meals so that sister in law can just relax and hang out with her girls, and not have to worry about cooking dinner.  It is still set to end January 6th.  So that's my first question - is this normal, for people to continue making these sorts of arrangements after the hospital stay is ended? 

Secondly, due to some unexpected expenses, DH and I don't have any extra money we could use to buy a meal or buy ingredients to make a meal.  I might be able to find something around my kitchen that I could use, but for the most part, our meals are planned out pretty carefully for the next couple days and they won't stretch to feed another three people.  Would it be okay for me to cancel bringing them dinner tomorrow?
I have participated in more meal trains than I can count due to my moms club, and they NEVER started until both mom & baby were both home from the hospital.  The entire household is getting used to a new schedule (sometimes a horrible one - my oldest had his days & nights mixed up and I did nothing for the first 3 months but rock/hold my baby from midnight to 5:00am and watch The History Channel) and having meals delivered is a HUGE thing (and a generous gift from friends).  I was too tired to even eat dinner, much less make it!

If the financial issue is a problem - that is a valid point, but seeing as it is your SIL (and not just a neighbor or casual friend), I think you need to find a way in your budget to make SOMETHING and deliver it.

Believe me - I understand that you don't like your SIL...and mine gets on my nerves like nobody's business (the stories I could tell about her would probably make the eHell classics folder)...but in the interest of family harmony, just make & deliver a meal and then laugh about it later (and limit your exposure to her as much as possible). 

I used to spend too much time ranting (not quite the right word, but you get my point) about how much my SIL annoys me.  She also annoys almost everyone else in her family.  But she is 46 years old and NOT going to change her ways and nobody else in the family is going to force her to do so.  Therefore, I have a choice - I can recuse myself from family gatherings where I truly enjoy the company of the other 14 people in the immediate family just because one member makes me want to scream...or I can just keep going, not be the looked at as the one who "just can't accept and learn to deal with SIL" and just bean-dip the heck out of her.

I choose the latter (accompanied with copious amounts of wine ;) )