I know he was PA, but was I in the wrong?

[RebeccainGA]

This past Friday, I took DP and myself to the doctor, followed by a trip to the pharmacy. The pharmacy is inside a bigger store, which is in a very busy strip mall with lots of stores. The parking lot is well lit when it's truly dark, but this happened both at dusk (it wasn't quite dark enough for the lights to come on) and with some significant 'wintry mix' falling from the sky - rain, sleet, some snow.

I get DP loaded into the van, get her wheelchair in, and get in the van myself. I notice a car has pulled in behind us, and that the occupants haven't gotten out (I was noting this to be aware of pedestrians that might jump out as I'm reversing - it happens, a lot). I put my van in reverse, back out (slowly - see above wintry mix) and turn an immediate left (as we were in the first handicapped spot on the row). The row behind us was not handicapped at the front, just a standard row. As I turn, I hear a shouted "Thanks for your attention!! B*$*%" from behind me, and look in the rearview to see that the driver of the vehicle behind me and his young son are standing in the middle of the driveway that runs parallel to the shopping center (the drive I'd just turned on to from my parking space). Both are in dark clothes, hence hard to see, and dad's giving me the finger. Apparently they had gotten out as I was backing and I hadn't been able to see them (maybe both coming from the driver's side??), and had decided to cross the street as I turned, not noticing that I was turning (I had to go left or right, otherwise I'd have been driving into the side of the building, so the turn wasn't unexpected or cutting a corner).

Luckily, no one was hurt.

I know he was being PA, and rude. Was I in the wrong somehow? DP has said she didn't think so, but it's been bugging me.

[Firecat]

I agree with your DP; I don't think you were in the wrong at all. It's pretty common for pedestrians to overestimate how visible they are to drivers, especially in conditions like you describe. It's important for drivers to be aware of pedestrians, of course, but I think it's also vital for pedestrians to be aware of and cautious around moving vehicles. But it sounds to me like you did what you could.

[Shoo]

The fact this man did what he did and said what he said with his young son standing right there tells us everything we need to know about him, IMO.

You were as careful as possible, so you were fine.

[ettiquit]

This is a pet peeve of mine.  My car has a pretty big blind spot, and since I can't count on pedestrians to be aware of their surroundings, I back out of spaces SO cautiously that it probably looks like it was my first day driving. 

Of course, I treat all moving cars as lethal weapons whether I'm driving or walking. 

[oceanus]

OP, how is it that you think you may have been wrong?    You weren't and the man was obviously rude/nasty.

[Amava]

First off, I'm sorry this happened, that is scary, and you were not in the wrong.
You tried to watch out and pay attention; but there is only so much you can do and I think it is everyone's responsibility in a parking lot to watch out for cars and to make oneself visible. So he was wrong, basically reckless. And of course he was very rude about it, too.

But there is one thing about your post that I don't understand. Why would you call this behaviour "PA"? Calling you a female dog, yelling at you, and giving you the finger? That is not /passive/ aggressive. That is very active aggressive. 

[TootsNYC]

The term "Passive aggressive" has been completely diluated to mean simply "rude." or "rude in a deniable way."

The vast majority of stuff people label as PA isn't passive at all. Or it's not passive enough to qualify for the accurate term "passive aggressive." It's "rude in a way that's deniable."

In fact, I don't think that pure "passive aggressive" is automatically rude. It's simply a strategy.


When I own my own shopping mall, I'm going to have BIG signs that says "Cars backing out of spaces have right of way. Yield to them."

[Judah]

First off, I'm sorry this happened, that is scary, and you were not in the wrong.
You tried to watch out and pay attention; but there is only so much you can do and I think it is everyone's responsibility in a parking lot to watch out for cars and to make oneself visible. So he was wrong, basically reckless. And of course he was very rude about it, too.

But there is one thing about your post that I don't understand. Why would you call this behaviour "PA"? Calling you a female dog, yelling at you, and giving you the finger? That is not /passive/ aggressive. That is very active aggressive. 

I agree with whole post, especially the bolded part.

OP, you did all you could do. One of my pet peeves is runners/walkers/bicyclists who dress in all black after dark.  How are we supposed to see them?

[Bees]

The time for him to yell out (not curse) is when your car was backing up into the area he was putting his child.
Letting you know there are pedestrians where you can not see isn't rude, it is safety. After the fact and where he is not in danger, since you would have seen them in your traffic path, is rude.

[Winterlight]

I think he was just plain rude.

I go for walks at night and wear bright colors and reflective tape. It's dark out early, so assuming people can see you + dark clothing can equal a very bad accident. I also get off the road- there are few sidewalks where I live.

[BC12]

I can't say I'm understanding exactly what happened, but I guess the bottom line is that you didn't see some pedestrians and got too close to them with your car? Or at least, you didn't yield to them?

If so, then yes, I think you were in the wrong. That's not a question of your etiquette or manners, though, it was just a mistake on your part. Of course the man was rude for shouting a name at you, and it was unwise of him to cross in front of (or behind?) your moving vehicle, but as a driver, you're supposed to be watching where you're going. You didn't see them until they were in your rear view mirror as you were driving away. Something must have happened, and you missed it.

These mistakes happen, though. Don't fret over it, just resolve to be more aware in the future.

[Raintree]

He wasn't PA, he was just A.

I am so careful to look for pedestrians, especially in poor visibility conditions, and sometimes they STILL pop out of nowhere. In poor lighting I really think some pedestrians need to take care to watch for themselves and assume they are invisible, because often they are.

[laceandbits]

Had to laugh as in the UK the initials PA aren't used for anything as politically correct as passive aggressive, they are generally understood to stand for p**s artist.  In it's original (and logical) sense it would be used to describe the antics of someone who is drunk and disorderly, but is now also accepted to mean anyone who does stupid and rude acts and is behaving antisocially.  Therefore the intitials fitted this particular individual exactly.  And with that for training, when his son grows up there'll be another PA to join the club.

[JenJay]

This is a pet peeve of mine.  My car has a pretty big blind spot, and since I can't count on pedestrians to be aware of their surroundings, I back out of spaces SO cautiously that it probably looks like it was my first day driving. 

Of course, I treat all moving cars as lethal weapons whether I'm driving or walking. 

Same here! It probably takes me way too long to back out of a space but man, people are just dumb sometimes! Drivers and pedestrians both think nothing of crossing behind me when I'm backing up - constantly. I'll always stop and wait when I know someone is there but if you look and it's clear then what more can you do? You have to back out eventually.

[RebeccainGA]

You know, with jerks like this out there, maybe I finally have an explanation of a baffling Atlanta phenomenon - the fact that 2/3 of the cars I see are backed into their spaces.