Viewing etiquette

[Just Lori]

I think it's a little more difficult to apply specific etiquette rules to funerals.  Funerals are such extremely emotional events, and it really is up to each person to be sensitive to the others around them.

We attended a viewing for a local teen-ager this summer, and the line literally snaked around the hallways of the church.  We waited about an hour to reach the casket and pay our respects, and I have no doubt that there were instances where people joined others who were further up in line.  There may have been instances where husbands and wives were joining each other after the work day, or groups of his friends wanted to be together when they spoke to the parents.  I have to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that those who went ahead in the line had a heartfelt reason for doing so.

If things seemed to be getting out of control - for instance, if I've been standing in line for two hours and I've only moved up five places - I'd ask a funeral director or other representative to intervene.  But really, if my wait time is going from 15 minutes to 17 minutes, I'd shrug it off and assume that people had a good reason for joining others in line.

[Hmmmmm]

Normally, someone "jumps" a line to get to do something quicker.  I don't know many people who are overly anxious to pay last respects.  I really can't imagine someone in a line say of 20 getting upset because a single person walked up and joined 2 or 3 others ahead of you for a vieeing.  I would assume there was a balid need.  And I would find it odd if the single person joined yet he group and then the entire group excited the line to go to the back.

I guess if it was continually occurring and had caused you to stand in line for 10 min or so longer and you were there as more of a since of obligation, I guess someone could get their nose out of joint. 

But my experience is I think most people would prefer a person feel free to join a friend in line.  It could be they are goings joining the friend to give emotional support.

[mindicherry]

Well, since you feel free to use your family as the standard for all of society...

I did?  that's news to me!

Look - I dislike receiving lines (both at funerals AND weddings) for this very reason...because where is the line drawn between who is receiving and who is being received?

With some of my family members, the guy who fought alongside my grandpa in WWII would have had to have given his condolences to approximately 60 people back-to-back if the people "receiving" was made up of spouse, kids and grandkids (nevermind adding in his still-living siblings). When my BIL died 18 months ago, I STILL don't know how many people considered themselves "immediate family" (Irish-Catholic family from "the old country"...I know he had upwards of 110 1st cousins). For this very reason, there was NO receiving line at either.

But if they HAD a receiving line and didn't want to have 60 people lined up to accept condolences and I had to wait in line?  Then yeah - him being my gramps or BIL takes precedence over you (general you) hanging out with him at Bridge Club once a month.

Not that I get to arrive 1 hour after visitation starts and say "Hey!  I'm family - move aside!"...but if I get there and see my sister in line, I'm going to go up and stand with her.  Likewise, if I am standing in a receiving line for my boss's father or neighbors grandmothers funeral and one of their family members wants to be with their other family in line in front of me? I don't consider it an etiquette problem. 

It's a funeral...it's neither the time nor the place to be looking to find offense. It just is what it is.