Rude to Impose Morality on Co-Workers

[Sharnita]

Correct, Sharnita. They used to be called by several ethnic slurs, so dirty Santa is our PC term.

There is no policy against alcohol being on the premises, and it happens at all of them, so it is fairly common in our environment.

I can still see it being not a great idea when you don't know who is going to get it - same with lottery tickets.  It would be different if you know the person and like wine or play the lottery etc but when you and they are going in blind it does seem a bit trickier. 

[mrkitty]

There is a bit of a morale problem already. Even salaried staff are required to log their in and out times, including breaks and lunches, which happens no where else. This is just the latest in a long line of strange rules.

LadyKnight1 - is your director responsible for these policies as well?

[ladyknight1]

There is a bit of a morale problem already. Even salaried staff are required to log their in and out times, including breaks and lunches, which happens no where else. This is just the latest in a long line of strange rules.

LadyKnight1 - is your director responsible for these policies as well?

The director in question is, thank heavens I don't work for her!

[mrkitty]

She sounds like a real micromanager.

She may or may not have valid reasons for imposing those attendance rules, (for example, if there's a real lateness problem in the mornings or returning from lunch) but it sounds like she's really controlling - maybe she's in over her head in her position?

I just know you definitely sound relieved not to have her for your director! 

[blarg314]

I think it would be reasonable for the workplace to put limits on the type of gifts in a work exchange - saying no alcohol/cigarettes/gambling/'adult' items, for example. But the reaction given in the OP is over the top - set up a policy for next year, don't cancel two years worth of parties and throw a fit.

Next year, I'd be tempted to get together with your coworkers at lunch (or after office hours), off site, without the supervisor, and do your party then.

As an aside - universities can have some weird rules regarding alcohol, that don't match other workplace practices. In my grad school, it was perfectly legal to serve alcohol at departmental parties, but you had to hire a campus approved bartender, purchase all alcohol through the university, and offer at least one light beer.

[cicero]

I think it would be reasonable for the workplace to put limits on the type of gifts in a work exchange - saying no alcohol/cigarettes/gambling/'adult' items, for example. But the reaction given in the OP is over the top - set up a policy for next year, don't cancel two years worth of parties and throw a fit.

Next year, I'd be tempted to get together with your coworkers at lunch (or after office hours), off site, without the supervisor, and do your party then.

As an aside - universities can have some weird rules regarding alcohol, that don't match other workplace practices. In my grad school, it was perfectly legal to serve alcohol at departmental parties, but you had to hire a campus approved bartender, purchase all alcohol through the university, and offer at least one light beer.

I agree

and this doesn't even sound like a "policy", more like a temper tantrum.

[lady_disdain]

Yup. These rules would have been reasonable if set beforehand. Even if the director was offended, it was mishandled. Saying "Hey guys, remember, no drinking on campus so save those for later" and making a mental not for next year would have been fine. Throwing a tantrum, not so much.

[kckgirl]

I assume from the OP that the alcohol bottles weren't opened at the party. In that case, the director was offended at the mere sight of it because alcohol as a gift doesn't fit her moral code, which she really shouldn't impose on other adults. I don't drink alcohol and have received alcohol as gifts at work over the years. People would think I was crazy if I threw a fit about it. I simply write my thank you note (when it's not part of a Pollyanna/Yankee Swap/Dirty Santa) and quietly re-gift it.


Yes, I believe it is rude to impose your morals on others when no rules were mentioned before the party and what they are gifting is legal in your community.

[Lynnv]

I assume from the OP that the alcohol bottles weren't opened at the party. In that case, the director was offended at the mere sight of it because alcohol as a gift doesn't fit her moral code, which she really shouldn't impose on other adults. I don't drink alcohol and have received alcohol as gifts at work over the years. People would think I was crazy if I threw a fit about it. I simply write my thank you note (when it's not part of a Pollyanna/Yankee Swap/Dirty Santa) and quietly re-gift it.


Yes, I believe it is rude to impose your morals on others when no rules were mentioned before the party and what they are gifting is legal in your community.

POD.

IMO, since it was an after-hours party, then it would be rude to impose the rules even ahead of time presuming there were no campus rules being broken.  Yes-there are folks who disapprove of gambling and alcohol; however, if you (generic you) are willing to participate in a gift exchange like this, then getting something you don't like (and maybe even don't approve of) is a risk you take.  If you would be offended by getting something you can't/won't use, then you should opt out. 

Something that is blatantly against the rules and could be construed as harassment (lingerie, inappropriate videos/calendars/magazines, etc) are different in that they would be against workplace rules.  In my experience, bottles of wine and lottery tickets always go over well at these things.  And if the person who ended up with them is horrified, he/she can probably trade it for someone else's puzzle/knick-knack/Anti Monkey Butt Powder (http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/).

[Sterling]

I agree the manager was out of line.  If the party was off campus it wouldn't matter at my university but if the party was on campus we couldn't even bring a wrapped bottle of wine due to policy.  No alcohol on campus at all.

[greencat]

As a recent graduate of LadyKnight's employer - let me assure you that there is NO issue with the presence of alcohol on campus (unless it is illegally in the possession of under-21-year-old students.)


I would definitely complain to whoever is over the director about her behavior.

[ladyknight1]

The director is a wildcard and has very specific ideas about what is acceptable. Alcohol, gambling, tobacco, anything suggestive are not allowed. Very strict religious rules are the primary reason. My only issue is when she imposes her beliefs on others and prohibits her staff from socializing after hours off property.

[Sharnita]

It sounds like it might to be better to have an unofficial gathering with just people at the same level and avoid having superiors there with you.

[starry diadem]

The director is a wildcard and has very specific ideas about what is acceptable. Alcohol, gambling, tobacco, anything suggestive are not allowed. Very strict religious rules are the primary reason. My only issue is when she imposes her beliefs on others and prohibits her staff from socializing after hours off property.

I'm hoping that's a typo and you mean 'on property', because she cannot seriously expect to control the social lives of her staff.  Who's policing the staff's social lives after hours and off property so that she can be assured that they're obeying her decree?! 

She sounds like a piece of work.  I would resent very much someone in her position imposing her private morality on me, and I'd be straight in to see HR about it as well as making a formal complaint up the chain of command to her boss for her inappropriate behaviour.

[mrkitty]

The director is a wildcard and has very specific ideas about what is acceptable. Alcohol, gambling, tobacco, anything suggestive are not allowed. Very strict religious rules are the primary reason. My only issue is when she imposes her beliefs on others and prohibits her staff from socializing after hours off property.

I'm hoping that's a typo and you mean 'on property', because she cannot seriously expect to control the social lives of her staff.  Who's policing the staff's social lives after hours and off property so that she can be assured that they're obeying her decree?! 

She sounds like a piece of work.  I would resent very much someone in her position imposing her private morality on me, and I'd be straight in to see HR about it as well as making a formal complaint up the chain of command to her boss for her inappropriate behaviour.

I second that. Big time. If it's not a typo and she is, in fact, trying to impose her own set of religious values on staff and/or prohibiting their socializing off property when not working, then it sounds to me like a super massive breach of privacy.