Is There a Better Way to Handle This - Time Share & Angling For An Invite

[VorFemme]

Background - we've had my parents bring Baby Brother's two DDs to join us at a two bedroom time share near a Disney property twice.  The third time, we arranged for a three bedroom suite (teenaged son and two girls with the older one in her teens) plus our married DD and her family were joining us as well as Grandma & Grandpa (ten people total - youngest about eight months old). 

Last minute to change plans without taking a financial hit passed and THEN we were told that the girls had basketball camp starting the middle of the week, too late to change dates (even if we could, as the dates are arranged around VorGuy's work schedule) and too late to change back to our two bedroom unit. 

Last week, BB's wife (SIL) started a conversation about how great it must be to have the time share there and how much they'd like to see it (and stay with us) sometime.  I told her that we always vacation in July due to VorGuy's work schedule. 

She started to tell me that that didn't work for them and apparently thought that she was going to convince me to invite them to come down this summer....

We were called to the table and I took the opportunity to clearly let her, my brother, my spouse, and anyone else (witnesses) know that we vacation ONLY in July and the first week in August right now until VorGuy retires.  No other times will work as long as he has his current job.  She tried to start in on how June was just a better time for vacations....and then people started interrupting her to ask her to pass this or that platter or bowl.

I don't know what to do if she brings it up again - it will be summer of 2016 before we can start changing months - and our five year old (by then) grandson will be ahead of my brother, his wife, and two young women of 15 and 17 (or so) on the list of fun people to go to Disney with. 

There is a background - but if I post it all here - it will be rather too obvious who she is.

We get along - but if she wasn't married to one of my siblings...we wouldn't be running in the same social circles at all.

[yokozbornak]

That only thing you have to say is that July is what works for you so you aren't changing plans.  I would just ignore the hints.

[Yentush]

Great, here is the phone number / internet site for the time-share company.  Get in touch with them and see if you can buy in to one for you and your family.

Bean dip anyone?

[kudeebee]

Keep repeating "we vacation in July and August as long as vorguy is working."  If she won't let it drop after you've repeated 3 or 4 times, I would be more blunt and to the point. "Sil, we have told you we vacation in July and August as long as vorguy works. It isn't going to change so don't bring it up again."  Then bean dip, hang up phone, whatever. If she brings it up again, I would ignore it or just look at her and say nothing.

[doodlemor]

Great, here is the phone number / internet site for the time-share company.  Get in touch with them and see if you can buy in to one for you and your family.

Bean dip anyone?

I like this.  Since they apparently caused a financial hit by pulling out before, they should be responsible for their own reservations and vacations.

I think that you better be more vague than saying "July," or you will have them wanting to stay with you every July after DH retires.  Don't mention any specific month or time that might be a good time for you to have them, or you may get a call saying that they have rearranged their whole schedule to be with you.

At this point I would just keep repeating that June is not a good month for a vacation.  Have some beandip.  You would be wise to keep the conversation away from the topic of Disney, vacations, and time shares as much as possible.  SIL will still try to bring it up, but don't give her any conversational hooks.

After DH retires I think that you are just going to have to be honest and say that Ambrosia and her family are going to be with you, filling the accommodation.  Why don't they get reservations nearby so that you can meet up together?

[NyaChan]

Is there a reason why it isn't possible to just say "Actually, we are vacationing alone this year. We won't be hosting guests at all, though if you are also vacationing there, I think it would be fun to meet up."

[JoyinVirginia]

I like the suggestion of giving them the timeshare number, or website. Tell her, great, if you are going in June just call xyz timeshare resort, they have deals for people who go to the presentation!
Seriously, the time share market is so overbuilt in Orlando they really should be able to get a deal on accommodations and maybe attraction tix thrown in also. Tell her ”we are going our usual time,.you can go whenever you want. There are lots of places to stay.”

[VorFemme]

They live in Oklahoma/Kansas area - right smack dab between the two Disney locations - and the last vacation that I heard about was skiing.  You can't ski in Orlando, FL.  Unless it's water skiing.

We don't see them very often - this is the second time since Christmas 2006 - the last time was briefly at maternal Grandmother's funeral in early July 2011 (after they pulled the girls out of the trip but before we left home).  Not much chance to talk that trip...

I think I'll offer to turn their name in at the Owner Referral program at the time shares - and see if she takes me up on it.  Or possibly set them up to get a four night, three day "sample" trip with the sales pitch set up for one of the days. 

In the meantime - I haven't seen any email or had a phone call - so I am not worrying about what to say "off the top of my head".  I think I have time to script a good reply and PRACTISE my lines!

[Slartibartfast]

Them: "We sure would like to vacation at Disney this summer!"

You: "You should go for it sometime!  Timeshares are usually a better deal than hotels, but even the hotels aren't too bad if you don't want to stay on one of the Disney properties.  You need to book pretty early, though, because they fill up."

[camlan]

Agree with her about vacation times. "Yes, Dear SIL, June is a wonderful month for vacationing. It's just too bad that DH can only get vacation time in July. [Heavy sigh] But here's the info for the timeshare we go to--why don't you see if they can fit you in during June?"

[GrammarNerd]

You: "I'll give you the number for the time-share company so you can check out rentals that will fit in with your schedule."
Her: "But we wanted to go with you...."
You: "Well, even if the dates matched up when we could go at the same time, we most likely wouldn't have room left in OUR unit.  So you'd be better off just getting your own unit.  There are a lot of good deals out there."

Make her say that she wants to use your space for free.  THEN you can remind her that even YOU don't get this for free.  You pay every month.  So with you paying all of this money, you get the right to decide a time that's convenient for you, and you get to invite whoever you want.  And (if you want to go down this road) you can remind her that you accommodated her once, at extra expense to you, and she backed out.  You're sorry it didn't work out for them, but well, there are other people that are on your invite list.

IF she continues to go down that road, perhaps you just need to be blunt (nicely) and don't beat around the bush.

[bloo]

You: "I'll give you the number for the time-share company so you can check out rentals that will fit in with your schedule."
Her: "But we wanted to go with you...."
You: "Well, even if the dates matched up when we could go at the same time, we most likely wouldn't have room left in OUR unit.  So you'd be better off just getting your own unit.  There are a lot of good deals out there."

Make her say that she wants to use your space for free.  THEN you can remind her that even YOU don't get this for free.  You pay every month.   So with you paying all of this money, you get the right to decide a time that's convenient for you, and you get to invite whoever you want.  And (if you want to go down this road) you can remind her that you accommodated her once, at extra expense to you, and she backed out.  You're sorry it didn't work out for them, but well, there are other people that are on your invite list.

IF she continues to go down that road, perhaps you just need to be blunt (nicely) and don't beat around the bush.

As an aside, a friend offered to GIVE us her timeshare. While I love the concept and have enjoyed renting a timeshare in the past, I simply cannot afford the maintenance fees. So even if it's paid for, it still costs money.

Since the angling has become obvious I think it's a good idea to use GrammerNerd's approach.

They live in Oklahoma/Kansas area - right smack dab between the two Disney locations - and the last vacation that I heard about was skiing.  You can't ski in Orlando, FL.  Unless it's water skiing.

We don't see them very often - this is the second time since Christmas 2006 - the last time was briefly at maternal Grandmother's funeral in early July 2011 (after they pulled the girls out of the trip but before we left home).  Not much chance to talk that trip...

I think I'll offer to turn their name in at the Owner Referral program at the time shares - and see if she takes me up on it.  Or possibly set them up to get a four night, three day "sample" trip with the sales pitch set up for one of the days. 

In the meantime - I haven't seen any email or had a phone call - so I am not worrying about what to say "off the top of my head".  I think I have time to script a good reply and PRACTISE my lines!

This makes me giggle. Please believe me when I say I know your intentions are sincere and she may well love 'the sample' but I would be chewing the rugs and privately deciding to never vacation with you again...hey THERE'S an idea! 

[JenJay]

I would ignore the hint and respond conversationally -

"Yes, it can be inconvenient to be restricted to July for vacations, but that's the way it is. So, where are you going in June?"

[VorFemme]

My husband is a teacher - vacations are in July to the first week of August (training camps in June and later in August for incoming students).

My brother is an accountant - I have no idea what he's doing in July but I do know that school is out around the first week of June, so they might want to set up their vacations right after school is out so that they are back for basketball camps in July.  Or some kind of summer camp, anyway.

The more I think about it, the more tempted I am by the owner referral programs...because that way SIL will get to go to the same time share that the girls have gone to with us twice (they didn't bring them - Grandma & Grandpa drove up to get the girls and then drove to Florida with the girls both times that they joined us and were going to do it again the third time).   Because she clearly wants to go to Florida & Disney with her daughters...in JUNE!

[Roe]

Unless she asks you directly, you don't have to answer the question you think she's asking. 

If she says that June is a great time to vacation, just agree and ask where they will be going in June. 

I do agree that giving her the information for the time shares is a good idea.