My boss has no tact

[ILoveMyCello]

I am a bank teller. My supervisor is very good at some things, but terrible at others. She is very good at delegating responsibilities and writing the schedule. Her biggest problem is that she is very immature and tactless. She will regularly discuss other tellers' personal lives to us. She even talked about the tellers in my transfer interview. I have only been at the location since July, but her issues have dated back for much longer. Her favorite thing to do is talk badly about the tellers when they are not there to defend themselves. The ATM was broken and the vault was a "mess" and before I came to work today, she told everyone there that I don't know how to keep a vault, I don't care enough to
learn how to fix the ATM (the other branches call the technician), and what was the point in me goin back to school? She also told the girls I signed up for too many college classes, and that my mom must not be "that sick" because she came through the drive thru today (my mom has metastatic breast cancer and a fractured spine).


We have repeatedly asked our assistant manager to step in, but she always avoids it. So we decided to defend anyone who gets gossiped about by her. We decided to stand up to her whenever she gossips about anyone. Any other ideas? In addition, what should I say to her about what she said today?

[mrkitty]

First, I need to extend my sympathy for your mother's illnesses - I'm so sorry she is unwell. {{HUGS}} to both of you.

Secondly, I am sorry to hear how your supervisor is treating you and your co-workers. It does sound inappropriate, especially for a manager. Toxic. Can you go to your HR? Maybe even as a group??

[PastryGoddess]

Document document document.  Every time you hear her talk about someone you need to note it down.  If you can write a quick note of the nature of comments.  i.e. talked about CW kids, talked about parents etc.  That along with a complaint about her behavior will make HR sit up and take notice.  If you just go to them with a vague my supervisor talks about people behind their back complaint, they might chalk it up to personality friction.  But if they see how pervasive it is, then they will be more inclined to take action

[doodlemor]

Document document document.  Every time you hear her talk about someone you need to note it down.  If you can write a quick note of the nature of comments.  i.e. talked about CW kids, talked about parents etc.  That along with a complaint about her behavior will make HR sit up and take notice.  If you just go to them with a vague my supervisor talks about people behind their back complaint, they might chalk it up to personality friction.  But if they see how pervasive it is, then they will be more inclined to take action

Poditty, pod, pod, pod!  Be sure that the date and time are both noted.  It will be interesting to see how many times a day this happens.

In fact, the beginning and ending times should be noted, too, so that HR can see how much work time she is probably wasting with this nonsense.

I'm so sorry that your mother is so ill, OP.  This must be a difficult and stressful time for both of you.

[cicero]

Hugs and best wishes to your mother

Can you (all, as a group) simply not listen to her vile tirades? Because it seems to me that people are "letting her" talk - she said quite a lot about you yesterday, for example. Can you (all) just stop her as soon as she starts - "that's really inappropriate talk about our co worker." and walk away?

[oceanus]

before I came to work today, she told everyone there that I don't know how to keep a vault, I don't care enough to
learn how to fix the ATM (the other branches call the technician), and what was the point in me goin back to school? She also told the girls I signed up for too many college classes, and that my mom must not be "that sick" because she came through the drive thru today (my mom has metastatic breast cancer and a fractured spine).

Question:  how do you know she told everyone all these things?

(Understand that I believe she is a horrible gossip, but apparently so are a lot of other people at that worksite.  Maybe when everyone repeats things you can ask them to provide you with written statements.)

I'm not sure I see this as an etiquette issue, and it goes beyond tact.  It seems to be more of an HR issue.

[bopper]

Keep going up the food chain.  Talk to the manager. Talk to HR.

[BeagleMommy]

You and your coworkers could start questioning her about her nastiness.

Tactless:  Blah, blah, nasty gossip.
Employee(s):  Why would you say that?
Tactless: Well, she does (insert inoffensive behavior here)
Employee(s):  That's really disrespectful.  Why are you talking about her when she's not here.

Put the onus back on her.

[oceanus]

You and your coworkers could start questioning her about her nastiness.

Tactless:  Blah, blah, nasty gossip.
Employee(s):  Why would you say that?
Tactless: Well, she does (insert inoffensive behavior here)
Employee(s):  That's really disrespectful.  Why are you talking about her when she's not here.

Put the onus back on her.

I see it a bit differently – well, actually quite a bit differently.

Okay, OP make no mistake, I would be furious.  Years ago I had a boss who loved to gossip and keep things stirred up among his staff.  He thrived on it.  The turnover was horrendous.  So I know how awful such a workplace can be.

BUT,  isn’t there something wrong if EVERYBODY is spending so much time and energy gossiping and repeating gossip?  Do these people not have enough work to do?  Are the banking duties getting done?  Why is someone who breaches confidentiality (or doesn’t even know what it is) even in a supervisory position? Employees confront the supervisor and ask why she is gossiping…….. "question her about her nastiness?......really??

HR and management would (I hope) want to know specifics: 1) exactly who is "everybody"? and 2) how are you (OP) getting all this information? (names, dates, exactly what was said)

I also don’t think all these people who are repeating all this gossip are blameless, nor are they doing OP any favors.  Seems very high-schoolish.  What a mess this place must be.