Author Topic: Is this reasonable and normal?  (Read 4224 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Lady Snowdon

  • Super cool awesome title
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6005
Is this reasonable and normal?
« on: January 01, 2013, 10:35:23 AM »
A lot of people had mentioned in my holiday thread about my sister in law that my perspective on things regarding her is skewed towards the negative, and because of that, I wanted to run this particular situation that I was just reminded of today by everyone to see if I'm being unreasonable and petty.  Of course, naturally I hope you'll all agree with me, but if you all dogpile and tell me I am being unreasonable...well, I may have to change my mind!

Okay, while sister in law was in the hospital with her baby, a friend of theirs set up a meal train on a website.  Basically, you sign up to bring meals on certain dates for the family, and put down what the meal you're bringing is, if you know.  You can also put down "We'll bring something, don't know what it is yet".  Since the baby was originally scheduled to stay at the hospital until January 6th, that's when the meal train ran through.  When she was discharged on December 21st, I assumed the meal train was cancelled, since they were back at home. 

Today, I got an email reminder that we had signed up to bring a dish to the family tomorrow, Jan 2nd.  I went to the website, and there's a note from the organizer stating we should all continue to bring meals so that sister in law can just relax and hang out with her girls, and not have to worry about cooking dinner.  It is still set to end January 6th.  So that's my first question - is this normal, for people to continue making these sorts of arrangements after the hospital stay is ended? 

Secondly, due to some unexpected expenses, DH and I don't have any extra money we could use to buy a meal or buy ingredients to make a meal.  I might be able to find something around my kitchen that I could use, but for the most part, our meals are planned out pretty carefully for the next couple days and they won't stretch to feed another three people.  Would it be okay for me to cancel bringing them dinner tomorrow? 

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21460
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2013, 10:45:25 AM »
I think that being out of the hospital =/= being fully recovered so ending the meals is not a forgone conclusion.  I defintiely don't see how it would be blames on SIL isnce it is an outside group offering to do this.  It isn't like she is tricking them into thinking that she is still in the hospital. 

If it would be a finacial hardship I think oyu could call the organizer and tell them if that is something you are willing to do.  Iw ouldn't question why the meals are till coming or anything like that, I would just explain that due to unforseen cricumstances you will not be able to bring meals.

MorgnsGrl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 748
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2013, 10:56:04 AM »
I think that being out of the hospital =/= being fully recovered so ending the meals is not a forgone conclusion.  I defintiely don't see how it would be blames on SIL isnce it is an outside group offering to do this.  It isn't like she is tricking them into thinking that she is still in the hospital. 

If it would be a finacial hardship I think oyu could call the organizer and tell them if that is something you are willing to do.  Iw ouldn't question why the meals are till coming or anything like that, I would just explain that due to unforseen cricumstances you will not be able to bring meals.

Agreed.

buvezdevin

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1479
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2013, 11:02:01 AM »
I don't think it unusual to continue providing for a families meals for some while after a hospital stay.

I also understand how you could have thought that since the original plan for meals was tied to your neice's hospital stay, the meal plan would have stopped at her earlier than expected release.

My suggestion is to contact the organizer, and possibly your SIL (who may be expecting that someone is providing food tomorrow), and explain that you didn't realize the meal plan was continuing past neice's hospital stay, and it is not possible for you to cover a meal tomorrow as you just learned the meal plan is continuing.
Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink -- under any circumstances.
Mark Twain

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6464
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2013, 11:11:48 AM »
I don't think it unusual to continue providing for a families meals for some while after a hospital stay.

I also understand how you could have thought that since the original plan for meals was tied to your neice's hospital stay, the meal plan would have stopped at her earlier than expected release.

My suggestion is to contact the organizer, and possibly your SIL (who may be expecting that someone is providing food tomorrow), and explain that you didn't realize the meal plan was continuing past neice's hospital stay, and it is not possible for you to cover a meal tomorrow as you just learned the meal plan is continuing.

Agreed.

Tia2

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2878
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2013, 11:18:59 AM »
I would tend to assume that the meals were continuing unless I was told otherwise and in this case, there was apparently a website that you could have checked.

Since this is for food tomorrow and your SIL probably doesn't have any food in the house (since food is being brought to her each day), I think you need to contact someone immediately.  I think you do have an obligation to provide the meal since you said you would and this is very short notice to cancel, but if it is impossible, you should contact the organiser a.s.a.p.

Is there nothing in your kitchen you could throw together?   

jmarvellous

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3486
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2013, 11:22:15 AM »
I don't think the planner is at all unreasonable. And I don't think your SIL is either -- even if the meals are continuing at her direct request.

I understand extenuating circumstances and I'm sure the organizer will, too. It's too bad you couldn't give them at least 24 hours' notice to find a replacement, though. You've put several people in a tight spot.

bonyk

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 804
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2013, 11:26:06 AM »
I've never participated in a food train, but it seems reasonable to me.  Can you toss some pasta in a little oil and garlic?

MariaE

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4627
  • So many books, so little time
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2013, 11:39:16 AM »
I don't think the planner is at all unreasonable. And I don't think your SIL is either -- even if the meals are continuing at her direct request.

I understand extenuating circumstances and I'm sure the organizer will, too. It's too bad you couldn't give them at least 24 hours' notice to find a replacement, though. You've put several people in a tight spot.

I completely agree. If anything, a meal train is more needed now.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2013, 11:51:04 AM by MariaE »
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

perpetua

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2127
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2013, 11:41:59 AM »
I've never been involved in anything like this either but it strikes me that people are more likely to need  help and meals on coming home than while they're in hospital itself; presumably they were getting meals provided for them by the hospital while in there?

I agree you'd be putting people in a tight spot to back out with such short notice.


Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6456
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2013, 11:44:07 AM »
I don't see this as unreasonable or abnormal at all.  I'm wondering why you would?  Yes, the baby is home but just because the baby is home doesn't mean all is back to normal.  If anything, her life is probably a bit more stressed now because she doesn't have doctors or nurses to rely on.

When my son came home from the hospital, it was a great thing.  But my DH and I were up to our eyeballs in medication lists and duties/chores.  My other two children ate too much fast food during this time.  I wished I had a friend organize something like that for me. It would've made my life so much easier. 

Lady Snowdon

  • Super cool awesome title
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6005
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2013, 12:21:18 PM »
I wasn't sure if it was normal because I've never done a meal train before - my obviously wrong assumption was that it was something that would end when someone was discharged from the hospital. 

So, since it is something that we should still honor our commitment to, I've been trying to figure out ways to make it work.  I know they say you should never try out a recipe for the first time on someone else, but I think that's what I need to do.  We have a number of eggs that are still good, so I think I'm going to try making a quiche or egg bake or something like that.  I don't like that type of food, so it didn't occur to me that I could make something like that.  I asked DH if his family likes that, and he says yes, so I think it's a reasonable thing to look at making.  Is it okay that it's more of a breakfast food than a supper food?

DH has texted his sister to let her know we can't come as early as we could while they were in the hospital (their house is about 20 mins farther away, plus traffic), so if it's something that's not going on anymore, hopefully she'll tell us.  And if it is, well, I could probably make it today when I'm off, and then just heat it up before we head to their house tomorrow. 

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21460
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2013, 12:28:56 PM »
Yes, I think quiche sounds good. 

bloo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1297
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2013, 12:32:38 PM »
I wasn't sure if it was normal because I've never done a meal train before - my obviously wrong assumption was that it was something that would end when someone was discharged from the hospital. 

So, since it is something that we should still honor our commitment to, I've been trying to figure out ways to make it work.  I know they say you should never try out a recipe for the first time on someone else, but I think that's what I need to do.  We have a number of eggs that are still good, so I think I'm going to try making a quiche or egg bake or something like that.  I don't like that type of food, so it didn't occur to me that I could make something like that.  I asked DH if his family likes that, and he says yes, so I think it's a reasonable thing to look at making.  Is it okay that it's more of a breakfast food than a supper food?

DH has texted his sister to let her know we can't come as early as we could while they were in the hospital (their house is about 20 mins farther away, plus traffic), so if it's something that's not going on anymore, hopefully she'll tell us.  And if it is, well, I could probably make it today when I'm off, and then just heat it up before we head to their house tomorrow.

Good idea! BTW, I LOVE quiche - breakfast, brunch, supper or midnite snack doesn't matter! Yum-may...

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21460
Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #14 on: January 01, 2013, 12:35:04 PM »
And quiche is kinda one of those things you can kinda customize to personal taste so when you call you can find out if they do/don't like bacon/onion/broccoli ...