Author Topic: Is this reasonable and normal?  (Read 4117 times)

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Firecat

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #15 on: January 01, 2013, 12:40:05 PM »
Quiche or egg bake sounds like a good idea; it's one of those things that's good any time of day. There are lots of good and easy recipes online. If you can manage a salad with it, maybe some rolls, it should be a perfectly fine dinner.

mrkitty

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #16 on: January 01, 2013, 12:40:59 PM »
I wasn't sure if it was normal because I've never done a meal train before - my obviously wrong assumption was that it was something that would end when someone was discharged from the hospital. 

So, since it is something that we should still honor our commitment to, I've been trying to figure out ways to make it work.  I know they say you should never try out a recipe for the first time on someone else, but I think that's what I need to do.  We have a number of eggs that are still good, so I think I'm going to try making a quiche or egg bake or something like that.  I don't like that type of food, so it didn't occur to me that I could make something like that.  I asked DH if his family likes that, and he says yes, so I think it's a reasonable thing to look at making.  Is it okay that it's more of a breakfast food than a supper food?

DH has texted his sister to let her know we can't come as early as we could while they were in the hospital (their house is about 20 mins farther away, plus traffic), so if it's something that's not going on anymore, hopefully she'll tell us.  And if it is, well, I could probably make it today when I'm off, and then just heat it up before we head to their house tomorrow.


I personally think breakfast for dinner is just fine. Food is still food. DH and I are seriously financially stretched right now, so we have to be creative about meal planning. Sometimes, we find the best way to stretch the budget is to put together a breakfast for dinner - scrambled eggs and bacon, for example - because you get all your protein and it's a lot less expensive than, say, chicken or steak and side dishes. I know some people aren't comfortable with the idea, (and to be perfectly candid, neither was I until it became a financial necessity) but I find now that I actually look forward to it. I'm great with omelets now - they can be quite creative and tasty - and cheap!

Maybe you can call ahead and see if it would be ok to prepare the food in their kitchen (and of course, clean up after) so that the omelets are hot and fresh?

Just a thought.
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MommyPenguin

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #17 on: January 01, 2013, 12:54:57 PM »
I definitely think a meal train is reasonable even once somebody is out of the hospital.  In my experience, church groups and groups of friends often arrange to bring meals for a couple of weeks to the mom of a new baby, and that's with normal hospital stays (2 days or so) and starts after they get home.  In a few cases, when the woman has a mother or MIL staying to help for the first few weeks, the meals will be started *after* the helper leaves, so sometimes when the baby is a few weeks old.  So I don't think it's all that strange.

But I think the eggs will be fine.  It's a great idea, especially since your DH says his family likes that sort of thing.

NyaChan

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #18 on: January 01, 2013, 01:34:49 PM »
I think it is reasonable if the recipient still needs help.  I would not have automatically assumed that it would continue past the discharge though, especially if the point of the meal train was to help someone out with food when they would be spending a lot of time out of the house and in the hospital (so unable to cook for themselves) and are now at home.  So I think that the person organizing it should have made it clear that they were continuing to help out as in "As you all know, Recipient's family is out of the hospital earlier than expected, however, the initial week or so will likely still be difficult for the family to manage.  Please let me know if you are still able to help out with meals for the remainder of the time laid out in our original schedule."  Not SIL's fault though in the practical sense as the organization responsibilities are not on her.

snowdragon

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #19 on: January 01, 2013, 01:41:59 PM »
I would not have thought it would continue, just because I would not want anyone coming over - even to drop off food, when a family member was just out of the hospital.    Can you have DH call his sister and ask what she prefers?

penelope2017

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #20 on: January 01, 2013, 01:50:39 PM »
I would not have thought it would continue, just because I would not want anyone coming over - even to drop off food, when a family member was just out of the hospital.    Can you have DH call his sister and ask what she prefers?

Usually it is just a drop off, even on a porch or something, not an an intrusion. These aren't scheduled visits where you hang out with the family. It's designed that way for exactly that reason. I'd assume since the family has already been home they would have told the meal coordinator they don't want or need the meals anymore if that was the case, no?

Every meal plan I've ever been involved in (and it's always for a healthy new baby) has continued for a week or so after the baby comes home. That is when a parent needs it most. Most of them don't even start until people get home. I'm glad the OP has decided to go ahead with the meal, esp since it is tomorrow. Quiche is a great choice.


Shoo

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #21 on: January 01, 2013, 02:20:17 PM »
I'm confused.  Wasn't it SIL's baby that was in the hospital?  SIL is perfectly healthy, right?  Or am I confusing this situation with another one?

snowdragon

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #22 on: January 01, 2013, 02:31:21 PM »
I'm confused.  Wasn't it SIL's baby that was in the hospital?  SIL is perfectly healthy, right?  Or am I confusing this situation with another one?

No, you're not confusing things. SIL is perfectly healthy, so is the baby's father, it was the baby that was in the hospital from around Thanksgiving til December 21.
Apparently the organizers are continuing the meal train until the original release day of Jan 6.

penelope2017

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #23 on: January 01, 2013, 02:32:56 PM »
I'm confused.  Wasn't it SIL's baby that was in the hospital?  SIL is perfectly healthy, right?  Or am I confusing this situation with another one?

SIL's baby was in the hospital, but I'm assuming the friends are helping out as she probably has her hands full with a still recovering baby, and as the OP said, the friends are continuing prescheduled meals through original hospitalization date to be nice so the family can catch up on missed out time together since the baby was in the hospital for four weeks. I'm guessing the family hasn't had a ton of time to grocery shop etc. When my friends have come home from the hospital after having a baby they are also "perfectly healthy" but people still make meals for them for a week or so to give the family time to adjust.

If I were the SIL, I'd be extremely grateful. I think it sounds like a lovely gesture and it sounds like the SIL has some very caring friends.

ETA: I'm not sure what pointing out that the parents are both healthy means since the SIL and her husband have not asked for this. Someone else is doing it on their behalf, healthy or not.


Shoo

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #24 on: January 01, 2013, 02:34:56 PM »
I'm confused.  Wasn't it SIL's baby that was in the hospital?  SIL is perfectly healthy, right?  Or am I confusing this situation with another one?

SIL's baby was in the hospital, but I'm assuming the friends are helping out as she probably has her hands full with a still recovering baby, and as the OP said, the friends are continuing prescheduled meals through original hospitalization date to be nice so the family can catch up on missed out time together since the baby was in the hospital for four weeks. I'm guessing the family hasn't had a ton of time to grocery shop etc. When my friends have come home from the hospital after having a baby they are also "perfectly healthy" but people still make meals for them for a week or so to give the family time to adjust.

If I were the SIL, I'd be extremely grateful. I think it sounds like a lovely gesture and it sounds like the SIL has some very caring friends.



Thanks for the info.  OP, I do think it's a little unreasonable, but not totally.  It's not as if your SIL is bedridden and can't take care of her own family.  I can understand how you feel.  Just do what you can, even if it's just some spaghetti and a jar of pasta sauce.

Poppea

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #25 on: January 01, 2013, 03:49:02 PM »
I'm confused.  Wasn't it SIL's baby that was in the hospital?  SIL is perfectly healthy, right?  Or am I confusing this situation with another one?

SIL's baby was in the hospital, but I'm assuming the friends are helping out as she probably has her hands full with a still recovering baby, and as the OP said, the friends are continuing prescheduled meals through original hospitalization date to be nice so the family can catch up on missed out time together since the baby was in the hospital for four weeks. I'm guessing the family hasn't had a ton of time to grocery shop etc. When my friends have come home from the hospital after having a baby they are also "perfectly healthy" but people still make meals for them for a week or so to give the family time to adjust.

If I were the SIL, I'd be extremely grateful. I think it sounds like a lovely gesture and it sounds like the SIL has some very caring friends.



Thanks for the info.  OP, I do think it's a little unreasonable, but not totally.  It's not as if your SIL is bedridden and can't take care of her own family.  I can understand how you feel.  Just do what you can, even if it's just some spaghetti and a jar of pasta sauce.

The meal trains are voluntary.  I have signed up for some and declined for others (most memorably for someone making a 3 block move ). 

ETA - quiche is perfect.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2013, 04:06:02 PM by Anthera »

Rohanna

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #26 on: January 01, 2013, 04:01:45 PM »
I think once you sign up for it, you need to carry through- I would only cancel with advanced notice or emergency reasons of my own. I wouldn't have considered it rude to have contacted the organizer to confirm if it was still ongoing once baby went home, and back out if necessary with enough time for her friends to find someone to replace your spot- but it would be rude to promise a dinner and not deliver it with such short notice.
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gen xer

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #27 on: January 01, 2013, 04:21:37 PM »
To be honest I probably would have thought the meal train ended with the hospital discharge too since that is how it appears it was set up - ending on the expected date of discharge.

That's the trouble - it can be kind of vague and open-ended with people not knowing what is going on when the circumstances change.  The person organizing it should be making sure everyone is aware of what is what and whether it is still going on if only to avoid any misunderstandings or hard feelings.

Oh....and breakfast for dinner?  Perfectly acceptable.  Your SIL is the recipient of the generosity of others and should be greateful for whatever she receives.  Don't like it?  Make your own.

Surianne

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #28 on: January 01, 2013, 04:38:17 PM »
This all sounds reasonable to me, and I agree that with only 24 hours notice without a real emergency, cancelling your voluntary contribution wouldn't have been good.  I'm glad to hear you were able to figure out a good meal from what you had on hand. 

If it helps you feel better, I've never heard of quiche for breakfast -- here it seems to be a supper or hors d'oevre thing  :)  But I'm also a huge  proponent of breakfast for supper anyway, so...good all around.

To be honest I probably would have thought the meal train ended with the hospital discharge too since that is how it appears it was set up - ending on the expected date of discharge.

That's the trouble - it can be kind of vague and open-ended with people not knowing what is going on when the circumstances change.  The person organizing it should be making sure everyone is aware of what is what and whether it is still going on if only to avoid any misunderstandings or hard feelings.

I think there was a website set up with all of the information, the OP just didn't check it for updates -- so it sounds like the organizer was doing their job quite well, unless I missed something.

gen xer

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Re: Is this reasonable and normal?
« Reply #29 on: January 01, 2013, 04:46:15 PM »
This all sounds reasonable to me, and I agree that with only 24 hours notice without a real emergency, cancelling your voluntary contribution wouldn't have been good.  I'm glad to hear you were able to figure out a good meal from what you had on hand. 

If it helps you feel better, I've never heard of quiche for breakfast -- here it seems to be a supper or hors d'oevre thing  :)  But I'm also a huge  proponent of breakfast for supper anyway, so...good all around.

To be honest I probably would have thought the meal train ended with the hospital discharge too since that is how it appears it was set up - ending on the expected date of discharge.

That's the trouble - it can be kind of vague and open-ended with people not knowing what is going on when the circumstances change.  The person organizing it should be making sure everyone is aware of what is what and whether it is still going on if only to avoid any misunderstandings or hard feelings.

I think there was a website set up with all of the information, the OP just didn't check it for updates -- so it sounds like the organizer was doing their job quite well, unless I missed something.

Yes you're right - re-reading the post  there was a website....except I probably would have stopped checking it if I thought it was done.  But that would be my fault.

On thinking it over though I still don't fault the OP for thinking it would be over with if the whole point was to bring her food while the baby was in the hospital.  It is nice to bring new parents food when they are home but that doesn't seem to have been the intent of the food train based on the dates given.