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Bridemaid blues

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Annoyed in America:
Several years ago I was dating my DH.  He was from a different state.  He convinced me to come spend the summer in his town, which I did.  This was the summer of his brother's wedding.  My then boyfriends mother (I discovered later) insisted I be a part of the wedding party.  This was to be a HUGE wedding, with everything.  I was reluctant to be involved at this level, but consented.  Bridezilla (who was a virtual stranger to me) was not happy about this and punished me in many ways.  I was excluded from all but one bridal party photograph.  I was asked to sit away from the family during the actual ceremony.  I had to pay for my expensive dress (everyone else's was paid for). I had to sit with strangers at both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding party.  I did not stand in the receiving line.  I was humiliated to say the least.  Years later my sister-in-law is no longer friends with any of the other bridesmaids but I am still a member of that family.  Needless to say, we settled in a different part of the country, partially as a result of my poor treatment.  What I learned here and hope to pass on to you youngsters, is don't allow yourself to get railroaded into something is personal as this.  I have never been able to reconcile myself to this terrible treatment by my SIL and have never had a relationship with her.  All because my MIL wanted to include me in the festivities.

Sharnita:
Reading that I would fault MIL at least equally. She is picking the WP, including people who are opposed to being in the WP, but sitting back and.watching this,happen? If the bride didn't want to pay for a dress for a WP member that she never truly wanted, I actually that. What I don't get is why MIL wouldn't pony up. Or why MIL didn't make room for her at the rehearsal, ceremony, receiving line, etc. If it was just one thing she was left out of I could forgive MIL for not noticing but to be left out that many times and have MIL not notice when she insisted on your presence to begin with - I'd wonder what game she was playing.

cocacola35:
I have to agree with Sharnita.  There is probably a lot more to this story than what we are hearing.  It sounds to me like the OP was used as a pawn in a power-struggle game between SIL and MIL, which is very unfortunate as it set up a lifetime of resentment from the OP.

I think the MIL holds equal (possibly more depending on how this all was initiated) blame for what happened.  I don't think SIL's behavior was appropriate, but I would be upset too if a stranger that I may never see again was put in my wedding party and now I was expected to pay for all her expenses which may not be in my budget.  MIL overstepped her boundaries by pushing SIL to have OP in the wedding party and MIL should have been the one to pay for all the expenses.  SIL probably was angry with MIL, but was taking it all out on the OP.  She was probably angry at being manipulated into having the OP in her wedding and her way of "taking back control" was to exclude OP from as many WP events and duties as possible to show MIL up.  Both MIL and SIL acted terribly, which sadly resulted in damaged relationships with OP and her now DH.

Hmmmmm:
Ignore this post. Read the post incorrectly.


The whole story seems off to me.
it almost seems like it was the brides brother who insisted because so many of these things could have been resolved by the MOB.
I would assume the MOB would be aware of which BM dresses would have been paid for and could have stepped in to pay for the GF's dress if she had wanted the GF'S as part of the wedding.
Same with the seating chart for the rehearsal dinner.
I'm sort of sympathetic with the bride on the wedding picture issue.  Having a sibling's old significant other in all of your bridal party pictures can be irritataing. And since the couple wasn't engaged there was no strong assurance she would always be part of the family.
The MOB could have also invited the GF into the receiving line but I wonder if all of the wedding party was in the receiving line or just the MOH and best man and the immediate families.
I've not been to a wedding where the bridal party sits with the family, so can't figure out that complaint.

PastryGoddess:

--- Quote from: Hmmmmm on January 06, 2013, 02:01:52 PM ---The whole story seems off to me.
it almost seems like it was the brides brother who insisted because so many of these things could have been resolved by the MOB.
I would assume the MOB would be aware of which BM dresses would have been paid for and could have stepped in to pay for the GF's dress if she had wanted the GF'S as part of the wedding.
Same with the seating chart for the rehearsal dinner.
I'm sort of sympathetic with the bride on the wedding picture issue.  Having a sibling's old significant other in all of your bridal party pictures can be irritataing. And since the couple wasn't engaged there was no strong assurance she would always be part of the family.
The MOB could have also invited the GF into the receiving line but I wonder if all of the wedding party was in the receiving line or just the MOH and best man and the immediate families.
I've not been to a wedding where the bridal party sits with the family, so can't figure out that complaint.


--- End quote ---

It sounds like you were reading an entirely different story altogether.... ???


OP has said that she found out it was MOB MOG who pushed for her to be included, so why do you think her now BIL insisted


As to the rest, I have no idea if the rest of the bridal party sat together at the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and reception.  Or if the rest of the bridal party was in the receiving line, so I can't speak to those.  OP can we get an update.


Edited to fix MOB to MOG



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