How to best announce a change of future parties due to bad behavior?

[MariaE]

I think what needs to be pointed out here is that in Denmark this is not unusual! Parties that don't have a GOH will often have a cover-charge of some kind.

I think that unless it is specifically mentioned, people on this board tend to assume we are talking about events in the US, since this forum is from the US.  Yes, there are people from all over the world on this forum, but if they don't tell us where they're from, how are we supposed to know?

The username - Cheesy Dane - gave it away for me.

Besides, nowhere did the OP ask if she was okay asking for cover charge, she asked for advice on how to announce the change.

[Yvaine]

I think what needs to be pointed out here is that in Denmark this is not unusual! Parties that don't have a GOH will often have a cover-charge of some kind.

I think that unless it is specifically mentioned, people on this board tend to assume we are talking about events in the US, since this forum is from the US.  Yes, there are people from all over the world on this forum, but if they don't tell us where they're from, how are we supposed to know?

The username - Cheesy Dane - gave it away for me.

Besides, nowhere did the OP ask if she was okay asking for cover charge, she asked for advice on how to announce the change.

Well, but a lot of people have usernames that don't really indicate their true selves. She might be a Hamlet fan or breed Great Danes rather than live in Denmark for all I know. 

[MariaE]

I think what needs to be pointed out here is that in Denmark this is not unusual! Parties that don't have a GOH will often have a cover-charge of some kind.

I think that unless it is specifically mentioned, people on this board tend to assume we are talking about events in the US, since this forum is from the US.  Yes, there are people from all over the world on this forum, but if they don't tell us where they're from, how are we supposed to know?

The username - Cheesy Dane - gave it away for me.

Besides, nowhere did the OP ask if she was okay asking for cover charge, she asked for advice on how to announce the change.

Well, but a lot of people have usernames that don't really indicate their true selves. She might be a Hamlet fan or breed Great Danes rather than live in Denmark for all I know. 

Very true I'm not saying that I'd be correct 100% of the time. Just saying I was right this time

I just think it's smart not to automatically assume somebody is from the US - especially if they ask for advice on something that sounds really 'off' to the US culture. There are SO many things that are considered rude in the US and perfectly acceptable 'across the pond', and just as many things that are perfectly alright in the US, but considered unbelievably rude in Denmark

[Fleur]

I think what needs to be pointed out here is that in Denmark this is not unusual! Parties that don't have a GOH will often have a cover-charge of some kind.

I think that unless it is specifically mentioned, people on this board tend to assume we are talking about events in the US, since this forum is from the US.  Yes, there are people from all over the world on this forum, but if they don't tell us where they're from, how are we supposed to know?

The username - Cheesy Dane - gave it away for me.

Besides, nowhere did the OP ask if she was okay asking for cover charge, she asked for advice on how to announce the change.

Well, but a lot of people have usernames that don't really indicate their true selves. She might be a Hamlet fan or breed Great Danes rather than live in Denmark for all I know. 

Very true I'm not saying that I'd be correct 100% of the time. Just saying I was right this time

I just think it's smart not to automatically assume somebody is from the US - especially if they ask for advice on something that sounds really 'off' to the US culture. There are SO many things that are considered rude in the US and perfectly acceptable 'across the pond', and just as many things that are perfectly alright in the US, but considered unbelievably rude in Denmark

I totally agree. I also find it frustrating when someone comes with a legitimate problem, and people don't answer the question and instead tell them how wrong they were. It seems rude to me, I'm not surprised the OP was put off. OP, I think that you are fine not to invite Jane and John, I think that they were pretty rude. And for the record, I would much rather pay money than be obliged to make a dish. Where I live at least, £10.00 would be far cheaper than making a dish for a lot of people, and paying money is easier than having to cook anyway. There is nothing rude about charging if it is stated upfront. I think that we can put this one down to cultural difference, though I still think PPs should have looked at the question as stated instead of picking holes.

[LifeOnPluto]

Regardless of whether the OP was rude in charging guests to attend her party, I do think that Jane and John were rude for agreeing to come to the party (and by implication, pay the cover charge) but not paying.

As for announcing the change, I'd simply state it's a Potluck, and not mention the fact that some people failed to pay their $10. If anyone asks you why you've changed the conditions, you can simply say "The old plans didn't work out well for me."

And I don't see anything wrong with not inviting Jane and John. If they ask why they haven't received an invitation (which would be quite rude of them), it's up to you what explanation you want to give (if any). I don't see anything wrong with honestly telling them that their failure to abide by the conditions of the invitation (ie, pay the $10) last year has caused you to not invite them this time around.

[Cheesy Dane]

If you want to make sure you get the money you want, collect it at the door.

So in the invitations say that you're having a part at X time and place, the cost of admission is $10, and people can buy tickets from you in advance, or pay at the door. Then hire someone to collect tickets at the door of the hall. This makes it clear that you're holding a paid event.

Seriously, hire some goon to make sure my 12 friends pay before they enter the premises?? I'm not sure that's the kind of party I want to have ... 

I refuse to think of it as buying tickets for a party. It's not the Met Ball - it's a get-together for 12-15 friends.


And thank you to those of you agreeing with me that it feels off-putting to ask advice on X and be critizised for Y.

In any event, even if Jane and John felt strongly about the "admission fee" (and I know they don't, as it is normal here!!), their choice not to pay could be labeled as retaliatory rudeness, could it not?

If someone invited you to something you thought was rude, would you show up and just not abide by the rules?


Anyway, party is canceled in 2013 and a new party will arise.

[bopper]

I think in the future it might be good to talk to your friends about the party before hand.  Ask if they liked the format and would they prefer a potluck with you paying for the rental of the hall or them paying a share of the hall but you paying for the food or if they had another idea?  They might be more willing to pay if they have a say in it.  For the people who don't pay, just don't invite them. If they bring it up or anyone else did, then just say "I can understand if they don't or can't pay, but the thing to do is to decline the party, not show up and not pay.  Since they have not paid for last year despite me asking, I am assuming they are not interested in paying again and therefore this is not the party for them.  We have agreed as a group this is what we want to do."

[Sharnita]

I find it frustrating when posters come with a problem and posters point out a kind of obvious underlying issue only to have the OP refuse to even consider the whole foundation might be a bit shaky.  The OP here is talking about a free party that, no matter how common it is, still isn't free.  She also passively let's guest's know she would like them to chip in but insists aggressively that they owe her.  I am sorry but wherever she is, some of this situation has been created by her.  If it is common to charge people - fine.  Then describe it as a party that costs $10.  Don't tell gguests you'd like them to help, tell them the cost is $10.  If they show up and don't pay at that point then they do indeed owe $10.  You have made expectations clear. Trying to clarify and collect after the fact frustrates them, frustrates OP, frustrates everyone.

[Fleur]

I find it frustrating when posters come with a problem and posters point out a kind of obvious underlying issue only to have the OP refuse to even consider the whole foundation might be a bit shaky.  The OP here is talking about a free party that, no matter how common it is, still isn't free.  She also passively let's guest's know she would like them to chip in but insists aggressively that they owe her.  I am sorry but wherever she is, some of this situation has been created by her.  If it is common to charge people - fine.  Then describe it as a party that costs $10.  Don't tell gguests you'd like them to help, tell them the cost is $10.  If they show up and don't pay at that point then they do indeed owe $10.  You have made expectations clear. Trying to clarify and collect after the fact frustrates them, frustrates OP, frustrates everyone.

I don't get where the OP wasn't clear about the charge, though. And the fact that it is only these two people who have not paid suggests that the problem lies with them and not with the OP's communication method.

[sparksals]

I think what needs to be pointed out here is that in Denmark this is not unusual! Parties that don't have a GOH will often have a cover-charge of some kind.

I think that unless it is specifically mentioned, people on this board tend to assume we are talking about events in the US, since this forum is from the US.  Yes, there are people from all over the world on this forum, but if they don't tell us where they're from, how are we supposed to know?

The username - Cheesy Dane - gave it away for me.

Besides, nowhere did the OP ask if she was okay asking for cover charge, she asked for advice on how to announce the change.

Perhaps the OP should have included the very relevant info in the post that it is an accepted practice where she is.  Anything in a post is fair game when mentioned and until it is cleared up by clarification.   We are not mind readers.  It is up to the OP to provide the required info.

[Hmmmmm]

I find it frustrating when posters come with a problem and posters point out a kind of obvious underlying issue only to have the OP refuse to even consider the whole foundation might be a bit shaky.  The OP here is talking about a free party that, no matter how common it is, still isn't free.  She also passively let's guest's know she would like them to chip in but insists aggressively that they owe her.  I am sorry but wherever she is, some of this situation has been created by her.  If it is common to charge people - fine.  Then describe it as a party that costs $10.  Don't tell gguests you'd like them to help, tell them the cost is $10.  If they show up and don't pay at that point then they do indeed owe $10.  You have made expectations clear. Trying to clarify and collect after the fact frustrates them, frustrates OP, frustrates everyone.

I don't get where the OP wasn't clear about the charge, though. And the fact that it is only these two people who have not paid suggests that the problem lies with them and not with the OP's communication method.

I agree, Fluer.  I just went back to reread the original post.  The only reference to free was in the last paragraph when she states free food, beverages, and entertainment.  The only thing I could come up with is that she said she requested they contribute for room rental is they attend.  I guess she could have said it was required instead if suggest, but those could be translation issues.  I'm also suprised that more people didn't immediately grasp that the OP was outside of the US when she states " amount equivalent to $10".  To me that is a definate indicator someone is converting currency.

[sparksals]

I think what needs to be pointed out here is that in Denmark this is not unusual! Parties that don't have a GOH will often have a cover-charge of some kind.

I think that unless it is specifically mentioned, people on this board tend to assume we are talking about events in the US, since this forum is from the US.  Yes, there are people from all over the world on this forum, but if they don't tell us where they're from, how are we supposed to know?

The username - Cheesy Dane - gave it away for me.

Besides, nowhere did the OP ask if she was okay asking for cover charge, she asked for advice on how to announce the change.

Well, but a lot of people have usernames that don't really indicate their true selves. She might be a Hamlet fan or breed Great Danes rather than live in Denmark for all I know. 

Very true I'm not saying that I'd be correct 100% of the time. Just saying I was right this time

I just think it's smart not to automatically assume somebody is from the US - especially if they ask for advice on something that sounds really 'off' to the US culture. There are SO many things that are considered rude in the US and perfectly acceptable 'across the pond', and just as many things that are perfectly alright in the US, but considered unbelievably rude in Denmark

I don't think people assumed the OP is in the US.  Myself, I go by general consensus of past threads.  Unless I know where he OP is from, I go by Ehell convention and believe it is up to the OP to provide cultural info, if there is any. 


If I were to post about "presentation' at weddings in Manitoba, I would explain it is perfectly acceptable there, realizing it is unspeakably rude elsewhere.   The onus is on the OP to provide the info we need to give the most complete advice. 


From the original info she provided, charging guests for a party is rude and would be considered so in MANY countries, not just the US.   

[Sharnita]

Actuallt, she stated that this year she still hasn't been paid by ovet half the guests. I think thete are a couple of people that have had problems last year as well. Iwould say thzt if over half the guests didn't pay that while charging might be common, there is a strong possibility of a snag in the execution.

[sparksals]

If you want to make sure you get the money you want, collect it at the door.

So in the invitations say that you're having a part at X time and place, the cost of admission is $10, and people can buy tickets from you in advance, or pay at the door. Then hire someone to collect tickets at the door of the hall. This makes it clear that you're holding a paid event.

Seriously, hire some goon to make sure my 12 friends pay before they enter the premises?? I'm not sure that's the kind of party I want to have ... 

I refuse to think of it as buying tickets for a party. It's not the Met Ball - it's a get-together for 12-15 friends.


And thank you to those of you agreeing with me that it feels off-putting to ask advice on X and be critizised for Y.

In any event, even if Jane and John felt strongly about the "admission fee" (and I know they don't, as it is normal here!!), their choice not to pay could be labeled as retaliatory rudeness, could it not?

If someone invited you to something you thought was rude, would you show up and just not abide by the rules?


Anyway, party is canceled in 2013 and a new party will arise.

Anything in a post is fair game.  This is why it is so important to put ALL relevant info into a post to avoid these misunderstandings.  Given the lack of a pertinent piece of information, the conclusion many jumped to was appropriate.    When you didn't like the responses, that is when you clarified.  Rather than understanding the cultural barrier, you got defensive and high fived those that agreed with you and admonished those that didn't ... though it wasn't their fault due to lack of information in your OP. 

[sparksals]

I find it frustrating when posters come with a problem and posters point out a kind of obvious underlying issue only to have the OP refuse to even consider the whole foundation might be a bit shaky.  The OP here is talking about a free party that, no matter how common it is, still isn't free.  She also passively let's guest's know she would like them to chip in but insists aggressively that they owe her.  I am sorry but wherever she is, some of this situation has been created by her.  If it is common to charge people - fine.  Then describe it as a party that costs $10.  Don't tell gguests you'd like them to help, tell them the cost is $10.  If they show up and don't pay at that point then they do indeed owe $10.  You have made expectations clear. Trying to clarify and collect after the fact frustrates them, frustrates OP, frustrates everyone.

I don't get where the OP wasn't clear about the charge, though. And the fact that it is only these two people who have not paid suggests that the problem lies with them and not with the OP's communication method.

I agree, Fluer.  I just went back to reread the original post.  The only reference to free was in the last paragraph when she states free food, beverages, and entertainment.  The only thing I could come up with is that she said she requested they contribute for room rental is they attend.  I guess she could have said it was required instead if suggest, but those could be translation issues.  I'm also suprised that more people didn't immediately grasp that the OP was outside of the US when she states " amount equivalent to $10".  To me that is a definate indicator someone is converting currency.

That could easily mean she is in Canada or Australia or NZ... in a myriad of countries that use dollars as currency.