Party Responses - 1 Out of 5!

[Sparkle Star]

It's my daughter's birthday on Monday. Not a great time of year - everyone is getting over Christmas and New Year, and often it can be a bit of an afterthought.

This year I'm more organised. On Saturday I've arranged for a mobile beauty therapist to come over and give my daughter and her guests either mini-manicures, a facial or a massage. We'll then order in pizza to eat while watching a movie (or two).
I told Daughter she could invite five friends and also agreed that they could all sleep over as long as they bring a pillow and a duvet or sleeping bag, as we don't have enough spare bedding for five extra people. I did stipulate that I needed to know for certain how many of the girls were coming as I need to borrow an air mattress or two from friends.

So... The invites were designed by Daughter on the computer, printed out and given to her friends. It asked for RSVPs from the parents to myself and included my email address and my mobile, office and home phone numbers.
Daughter gave out the invites and told her friends to ask their parents to RSVP. All five girls have told Daughter they are attending, but only one parent has contacted me directly to confirm.

Maybe I'm trying to be a bit too organised, but as the girls are all aged 12-13 I'd like a parental response.... Experience tells me they might all say they can come, but they might not realise their parents have other plans. I guess we'll see how many turn up on Saturday.....

[peaches]

Well, you don't just have to wait and wonder. You can contact the parents, either by phone (my preference) or email.

That's what I do whenever I don't get rsvp's. Which is often - it's a modern phenomenon, unfortunately.

[camlan]

Did you put a reply-by date on the invitations? I've found that a lot of people simply don't reply unless there is a specific date listed and even then they mostly reply on that date or the day after, instead of before the date. I have no idea why.

But I agree with Peaches. If you need an exact head count, contact the parents. If they hem and haw about giving a definite "yes," give them a specific time to reply by--"I need to know by Thursday at noon. Otherwise, I'll take it that your daughter is not coming." Or, if there's not enough time for that, "Well, I need the exact head count. Since you can't give a definite 'yes,' I'll have to take that as a 'no.' We'll miss seeing Katie at the party."

Sometimes you just really need to be firm and pin people down.

[MariaE]

At age 12-13 my parents no longer RSVP'ed on my behalf to parties I was going to - that was all on me. I could see such an expectation had the children been <10, but at this age they're old enough to respond for themselves.

[NyaChan]

Did the flyer say that the RSVP needs to come from the parents?  Because even when I was little (grade school) I would RSVP for my friends' birthday parties.  If the parent then came on the phone and asked for my mom, I would put her on to confirm, but that request usually didn't happen.  If the flyer just said RSVP without any indication of needing a parent to do it, my parents likely would have pooh-poohed my asking them to call, thinking that it was unnecessary.

[Lynn2000]

Well, you don't just have to wait and wonder. You can contact the parents, either by phone (my preference) or email.

That's what I do whenever I don't get rsvp's. Which is often - it's a modern phenomenon, unfortunately.

Agreed. If you really need to know, just contact the households for confirmation.

I acknowledge a host shouldn't have to do this, because people should reply; but when people don't reply, it's such a simple thing for the host to do (usually), and if they really need an exact head count, contacting the guests to ask will save the host a lot of angst.

To avoid getting into a discussion about whether the 12-13 year old can RSVP for themselves--just say you're calling to confirm, because you need to be absolutely certain as to the final number. You can talk to either the girl or the parent, whoever answers the phone--if someone says yes at this point and then doesn't show, I think they are being either rude or clueless.

[jpcher]

I do think that you need to contact the parents for confirmation/permission.

Mostly because there will be hands-on-body from a stranger (massage.)

I'm surprised that the masseuse doesn't require a signed parental permission form in order to give a massage to minors.

I think that your idea for the party is absolutely wonderful, but I would want written consent from the parents before proceeding.

CYA . . . know what I mean?

[elephantschild]

At age 12-13 my parents no longer RSVP'ed on my behalf to parties I was going to - that was all on me. I could see such an expectation had the children been <10, but at this age they're old enough to respond for themselves.

But a 12-13-year-old wouldn't be going to parties with no input/OK from her parents, presumably. And 12-13-year-old don't usually make plans for their families, and they certainly can't drive. So how would the OP know that the parents had had that input unless they responded?

I also would want the parental communication. jpcher makes a good point too.

[Sparkle Star]

Just to confirm.... I did put a 'reply by' date on the invites and it was my details for the RSVP, not my daughter's.

Several of the girls live half an hour or so away and will need their parents to bring them to our home and collect them the next day - maybe my experience is different, but 12-year-old girls aren't generally independent in making their social/travel arrangements around here. (We don't live near a big town or city and are in a rural area.)
I also wanted to be sure the parents were aware of the practical considerations, such as remembering to bring a sleeping bag etc.

Unfortunately I don't have any of the parents' contact details so have asked Daughter to re-confirm with her friends that they are coming - it's this Saturday and as they've just been on holiday from school for two weeks, with all the excitement of Christmas and New Year, it won't necessarily be uppermost in their minds.

It also did occur to me that there might be reservations about a hands-on treatment from the therapist, so the invitations did state the options and I tooke care to say that she is someone I know, trust and have used myself.

[Hmmmmm]

Just to confirm.... I did put a 'reply by' date on the invites and it was my details for the RSVP, not my daughter's.

Several of the girls live half an hour or so away and will need their parents to bring them to our home and collect them the next day - maybe my experience is different, but 12-year-old girls aren't generally independent in making their social/travel arrangements around here. (We don't live near a big town or city and are in a rural area.)
I also wanted to be sure the parents were aware of the practical considerations, such as remembering to bring a sleeping bag etc.

Unfortunately I don't have any of the parents' contact details so have asked Daughter to re-confirm with her friends that they are coming - it's this Saturday and as they've just been on holiday from school for two weeks, with all the excitement of Christmas and New Year, it won't necessarily be uppermost in their minds.

It also did occur to me that there might be reservations about a hands-on treatment from the therapist, so the invitations did state the options and I tooke care to say that she is someone I know, trust and have used myself.

My age 12 or 13, I might not see the actual invitation.  My DD would just tell me she had received one, confirm if she could attend with me, and I'd confirm she had RSVP'd. And she would have RSVP'd to her friend via text, phone, or in person.

If getting a parental RSVP is important to you, then I would state on the invitation that a parental RSVP must be communicated to you and not to your DD.  (And then hope and cross fingers that the child actually did read that part of the invite.) 

[Mikayla]

Unfortunately I don't have any of the parents' contact details so have asked Daughter to re-confirm with her friends that they are coming - it's this Saturday and as they've just been on holiday from school for two weeks, with all the excitement of Christmas and New Year, it won't necessarily be uppermost in their minds.

It's probably too late now, but on the bolded, maybe in the future if this happens, you'd be better off asking your daughter to get the parents' phone numbers.  I understand perfectly why you'd want parental confirmation, but repeated kid confirmations doesn't equal that.  (unfortunately!).

[Sparkle Star]

Just to follow up.....

All five attended and - along with my daughter - seemed to have a great time, so that's all good.
In the event, as all the girls wanted manicures, the beautician ran a sort of hand/nail care workshop which went down really well.

One showed up an hour early and her father asked if it was true that the invite included a sleepover; she'd brought overnight things but no bedding; fortunately we could accommodate that. (He also showed up half an hour late to collect her the next day.)

One texted my daughter two hours before kick-off to say her parents had other plans and she wanted to come but could we collect her as otherwise she'd be unable to. Now that's a first for me I have to say.... Not wanting to spoil Daughter's event, DH drove the 40 minutes each way to pick up this friend and got back to our house just as it all started. 

So all went relatively smoothly....though I did enjoy the peace once they'd left yesterday!!

[jpcher]

I'm so glad it turned out well for you. The hand/nail workshop sounds like a great idea!

DH driving 40 minutes each way? Wow, I think he went above and beyond.

[Sparkle Star]

I'm so glad it turned out well for you. The hand/nail workshop sounds like a great idea!

DH driving 40 minutes each way? Wow, I think he went above and beyond.

I know... Dads & daughters eh, anything for his princess... !
To be honest my first instinct was "I'm sorry, that won't be possible" - but neither of us wanted to disappoint the girls at that late stage.