Very angry / fallout from NYE

[jedikaiti]

"Friend, right now I'm pretty cheesed off that you stood me up for New Year's.  I blew off my other friends turned down other invitations so I could spend time with you, and then you didn't even bother to tell me you didn't want to see me until it was too late for me to meet up with them make other plans.  I ended up spending New Year's Eve in my pajamas at home, alone.  It's not like our friendship won't survive this or anything, but it was a mean thing to do and I really don't appreciate it."

I don't think she deserves reassurances at this point.  Because without some groveling, it would not survive for me.

Exactly. Also making one other little suggestion to phrasing - OP didn't "blow off" other friends, they declined other invites because they already had plans - or so they thought.

[pearls n purls]

Something similar happened to me for New Year's 1999-2000.  I was supposed to hang out with a friend that night.  I called her after she got off work  (around 7 PM) to see if she was ready for me to head over and she told me she was just invited to another party (that I wasn't invited to.)  She couldn't understand why I was upset.  She had blown me off a couple times shortly before, but this one wound up ending our friendship.

In my opinion, blowing someone off at the last moment for a big event is a lot different than cancelling dinner plans, a movie or similar at the last minute.

I hope she can see where you're coming from and apologizes.

[JacklynHyde]

You're getting a lot of great advice about leaving HIM out of the discussion.  She could have had Brad Pitt show up, telling her that Angelina just didn't do it for him anymore.  She could tell him to think about it and meet her for brunch and the Parade of Roses on TV, because she has had plans for weeks.

Let us know how it goes.

[LifeOnPluto]

Hmm, I'm taking a slightly different tack here.

How definite were your plans? From reading your OP, it seems that there was only some vague talk between the two of you, that you would "hang out" on NYE. Was there a venue or time or any other details locked in? If not, I'd give your friend a little more leeway. It's possible that (as neither of you had confirmed the arrangements so close to NYE) she just assumed that you had already made alternative, more definite plans, with other people.   

[finecabernet]

i re-read your thread and it sounds like you had definite plans. What she did was beyond thoughtless. I've had this happen to me, and while it hasn't always ended the friendship, I've never counted on them for plans again. I do think however that this is likely the start of the end; real friends don't do this to each other.

[Raintree]

What she did was inexcusable. It would have been bad enough if she'd bailed on you two days before, but it sounds as though she wasn't even going to bother telling you. I don't have much patience for "friends" who blow off their girlfriends as soon as the man they are interested in says "boo." And guess who will expect you to be available as a shoulder to cry on as soon as this guy decides to move on to his next "piece of buttock"?

That being said, please don't think it's the end of the world to sit at home alone at New Years. I had to, last year, due to circumstances beyond my control and I wasn't pleased about it at all, but please remember there will be countless NYE's to come!! (And don't make plans with her!)

[bah12]

What she did was inexcusable. It would have been bad enough if she'd bailed on you two days before, but it sounds as though she wasn't even going to bother telling you. I don't have much patience for "friends" who blow off their girlfriends as soon as the man they are interested in says "boo." And guess who will expect you to be available as a shoulder to cry on as soon as this guy decides to move on to his next "piece of buttock"?

That being said, please don't think it's the end of the world to sit at home alone at New Years. I had to, last year, due to circumstances beyond my control and I wasn't pleased about it at all, but please remember there will be countless NYE's to come!! (And don't make plans with her!)

So, I get that what she did was a terrible thing and I don't think that it's "excusable", but at the same time, I would give her a chance to see the error of her ways and make amends.  I'd also give her a chance to not do it again.  Maybe not for a big social night out, but something smaller to see if she is sincere.

I don't have patience for women who drop everyone and everything for a guy, but at the same time, I think most of us have done something stupid for the sake of a guy at one point in our lives and until the behavior becomes consistent, I'm not in the practice of dropping friendships immediately after one falter (I know you didn't suggest this.)

My best friend did this to me last year...and she did it more than once.  It was hurtful and frustrating.  And our friendship did suffer for a period of time.  But, we had a heart to heart.  I laid it out there for her and I gave her a chance to change the behavior. Which she did.

I do think it's ok for the OP to take some time away from her "friend" until she's not so angry and then sit down and tell her that what she did was not ok.  Then see how the friend reacts before making any permanent decisions on the future of the relationship. I wouldn't expect her to grovel (as someone upthread mentioned) or go out of her way to beg my forgiveness, but I would expect some sincerity in an apology and a definite and deliberate change in behavior.

Also, the OP didn't mention how close  this friendship is/was.  If this is someone that I wasn't that close with to begin with, then I'd give less leeway than I would to a long standing and good friend. 

[onyonryngs]

How did the meeting go?

[circlekiller]

Thanks everyone.  Nothing was set in stone but it had been talked about since last New Year's.  She had her daughter and was invited to the same New Year's party I was.  I had planned on going to the party, then going close to downtown to watch fireworks with my brother, his wife and my niece + have some other friends meet us there.  My brother watched her child while we went to this party for a couple of hours, then went to his house and everyone went to the fireworks together.

Since then, all I've heard is how this year, her ex would have her daughter.  When I asked about NYE in the beginning of December, she confirmed ex would still have her daughter and when she got back from Christmas vacation (she was leaving for a week to visit her parents out of state), she'd let me know what she wanted to do.  I saw her the weekend before NYE when she got back and after class asked again and she said we'd wing it and figure it out on NYE whether she wanted to meet up with friends and go downtown or what.  So, maybe I assumed incorrectly that we were going to have plans.  But when I asked the prior weekend, she could of told me she was going to another party and left it at that.

Unfortunately, I have to see her 3x a week at class, so last night I went the distant yet quiet route and left immediately as class ended, claiming my sinuses were acting up.  I didn't want to say anything and cause a bunch of drama since I have to keep seeing her, but yes, the friendship is going to get decidedly cooler going forth.  And no, I've listened the past few times things have gone south.  When, not if, it happens again, she'll have to find someone else to listen to it because frankly, I'm done with it and I'm done with her.