Friends' PDAs, versus mother's discomfort. Who is right?

[MorgnsGrl]

I think it doesn't matter what level of PDA is acceptable to you, your friends, or any of us. It's your mother's home, and she has expressed to you that she was uncomfortable with their behavior.

I think she's being gracious by not asking that they not be invited again, but I think you do need to talk to them and let them know that they need to tone it down in your mother's house. It doesn't have to be a Conversation, but just something light, ie,  "Hey guys.. can you please lay off the PDA at Mom's house? She's a bit old-fashioned and it makes her uncomfortable to see you snuggling up to each other all night."

I agree with this. I don't think what they were doing sounds ridiculously inappropriate, but if Mom is uncomfortable, it seems easy enough to casually ask them to lay off while at her house.

[Hmmmmm]

Well your mom has more restraint than think I would.  I'd have asked Zoe if her neck was hurt.  I see no reason when eating your head needs to resting anywhere unless your ill.  That's just bad table manners even in a casual setting. 

Disengaging from a group conversation for a short whisper and maybe a light kiss once during a visit would not bother me.  More than once would be overly PDA.

Hand on knee why sitting near each other, fine.  Continually stroking in such a way that it is noticeable by others, unnecessary.

I don't think I'd say anything to Zoe now but at the next visit if it starts up again, I'd probably call her asside and mention that PDA makes your mom uncomfortable. 

[rose red]

Reminds me of one time at a fast food restaurant.  There was a couple in their 30's or 40's sitting in the same side of a booth (nobody on the other side) acting like a teenage couple from the 1950's.  Cuddling, quick kisses, drinking from the same straw, giving looks from lowered eye lashes, etc.  And yes, they were giving off a "look at us, we are so sweetly in love" vibe.  They weren't graphically making out so I thought it was more funny than anything else.

But it's your mom's home and she's uncomfortable so I would gently and casually say something the next time they visit.

[Fleur]

I think that they were inappropriate, and I'm only in my early twenties! I would never behave in that way in someone else's home, I think it is tacky. OP, you'd be fine to give them-or just Zoe- a quiet heads up.

[Sophie Jenkins]

Without having been there, if the examples in the OP were the only offenses, they wouldn't have even registered on my radar. Not even a little. I can't call them rude for that. If they were showy about their affection, calling attention to it, or paying no attention to the conversation, that's another matter, but sitting close to one another and a little bit of non-sexual touching? That seems to be too picky.

I had someone at church once approach me and tell me that I was being inappropriate with my husband during bible study because I had my arm tucked into his. We asked the pastor, and he assured us we were fine, but I never wanted to speak to that woman again. I felt horrifically judged for simply sitting closer to my husband so we could share a hymnal.

It's not wrong for your mother to disapprove of their behavior and not want it in her own home, but if it was really as innocuous as it appears to me, don't be surprised if your friend no longer wants to come around and be judged for liking her boyfriend...

[Fleur]

Without having been there, if the examples in the OP were the only offenses, they wouldn't have even registered on my radar. Not even a little. I can't call them rude for that. If they were showy about their affection, calling attention to it, or paying no attention to the conversation, that's another matter, but sitting close to one another and a little bit of non-sexual touching? That seems to be too picky.

I had someone at church once approach me and tell me that I was being inappropriate with my husband during bible study because I had my arm tucked into his. We asked the pastor, and he assured us we were fine, but I never wanted to speak to that woman again. I felt horrifically judged for simply sitting closer to my husband so we could share a hymnal.

It's not wrong for your mother to disapprove of their behavior and not want it in her own home, but if it was really as innocuous as it appears to me, don't be surprised if your friend no longer wants to come around and be judged for liking her boyfriend...

I think that laying her head on her boyfriend's arm was coy and attention seeking. I see it as self concious rather than natural, which is what I would find offputting.

[onyonryngs]

It seems that your mom already made the decision not to say anything.  I would check with her first to see if she would prefer that you speak with your friends.

[Sophie Jenkins]

I think that laying her head on her boyfriend's arm was coy and attention seeking. I see it as self concious rather than natural, which is what I would find offputting.

I don't see that the same way at all. It's just leaning on a shoulder- sometimes I do it because my head hurts a little. Sometimes it's because I'm a touch tired. Most of the time I don't think about it at all, which would be the very definition of a natural movement. I guess we're all coming from our own experiences, and I've personally never seen anyone rest their head on their SO's shoulder in a coy and attention-seeking way.

[Fleur]

I think that laying her head on her boyfriend's arm was coy and attention seeking. I see it as self concious rather than natural, which is what I would find offputting.

I don't see that the same way at all. It's just leaning on a shoulder- sometimes I do it because my head hurts a little. Sometimes it's because I'm a touch tired. Most of the time I don't think about it at all, which would be the very definition of a natural movement. I guess we're all coming from our own experiences, and I've personally never seen anyone rest their head on their SO's shoulder in a coy and attention-seeking way.

Yes, that makes sense we would be coming at it from our own perpsectives. I have never rested my head on my boyfriend's shoulder in public, so that's where I'm coming from.

[ettiquit]

I think that laying her head on her boyfriend's arm was coy and attention seeking. I see it as self concious rather than natural, which is what I would find offputting.

I don't see that the same way at all. It's just leaning on a shoulder- sometimes I do it because my head hurts a little. Sometimes it's because I'm a touch tired. Most of the time I don't think about it at all, which would be the very definition of a natural movement. I guess we're all coming from our own experiences, and I've personally never seen anyone rest their head on their SO's shoulder in a coy and attention-seeking way.

Yes, that makes sense we would be coming at it from our own perpsectives. I have never rested my head on my boyfriend's shoulder in public, so that's where I'm coming from.

And also while eating cake.

[Fleur]

I think that laying her head on her boyfriend's arm was coy and attention seeking. I see it as self concious rather than natural, which is what I would find offputting.

I don't see that the same way at all. It's just leaning on a shoulder- sometimes I do it because my head hurts a little. Sometimes it's because I'm a touch tired. Most of the time I don't think about it at all, which would be the very definition of a natural movement. I guess we're all coming from our own experiences, and I've personally never seen anyone rest their head on their SO's shoulder in a coy and attention-seeking way.

Yes, that makes sense we would be coming at it from our own perpsectives. I have never rested my head on my boyfriend's shoulder in public, so that's where I'm coming from.

And also while eating cake.

Exactly!

[Sophie Jenkins]

Yes, that makes sense we would be coming at it from our own perpsectives. I have never rested my head on my boyfriend's shoulder in public, so that's where I'm coming from.

And also while eating cake.

I mostly just think it's a ridiculously inefficient way of eating cake, not inexcusibly rude. I mean... cake. I'd want to make sure I didn't lose any of it!

[Hmmmmm]

I think that laying her head on her boyfriend's arm was coy and attention seeking. I see it as self concious rather than natural, which is what I would find offputting.

I don't see that the same way at all. It's just leaning on a shoulder- sometimes I do it because my head hurts a little. Sometimes it's because I'm a touch tired. Most of the time I don't think about it at all, which would be the very definition of a natural movement. I guess we're all coming from our own experiences, and I've personally never seen anyone rest their head on their SO's shoulder in a coy and attention-seeking way.

But would you do it while eating?  Have you really had your head resting on someones shoulder while putting fork in your mouth?  I'm actually having a hard time even figuring out how she was able to guide her fork to her mouth properly while her head was at such an angle and chew.  I've been tilting my head to the side and mimicking chewing and it feels really, really weird.  My son saw me doing this so I was explaining to him.  I asked him if he'd think it odd if he cousin and cousin's fiancee were at the house and we are eating cake at the table and the fiancee had her head resting on cousin's shoulder while putting cake in her mouth.  He, as a 16 year old, see's that behavior as really, really odd. 

[Decimus]

Hm.  I'd say the cake thing was a little much (I'm also wondering about how you eat cake that way).  If they'd been sitting on a couch, I'd think that'd be fine.  Doing it at the table was bad table manners.

However, I also think there's nothing wrong with mentioning to your friend your mom thought it was a little too much and could they tone it down for her sake, please.

[MrsJWine]

I think if you hold the cake plate directly up to your face and gnaw, it works.