Author Topic: Playing doctor? How to respond..  (Read 14826 times)

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LeveeWoman

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #15 on: January 03, 2013, 07:21:18 AM »
You might try saying every time this brought up,  in a very serene manner "Sister is a lawyer not a doctor.  A law degree does not make her an accurate diagnoctitian. When she gets her MD she can get back to me on what she thinks I am."  This may be something that you will have to repeat ad nauseum to make Mom understand that lawyers are not doctors.

I like this. I also think I'd say something about how the courts don't like people practicing either law or medicine without a license.

Amava

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #16 on: January 03, 2013, 07:39:06 AM »
Suggest that she should go see a doctor herself sometime, about this weird obsession she seems to have with bipolar.

I'm serious. The way she keeps harping on this, is just not healthy.

And I'm annoyed at your mom for going with it.  >:(

peaches

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #17 on: January 03, 2013, 07:43:53 AM »
I suggest "I won't discuss this subject with you".

Then don't.
 

Amava

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #18 on: January 03, 2013, 07:46:37 AM »
I have an idea.
Instead of a thank-you note for the book, write her a heartfelt letter laying this out to her one more time, the way you did to us. Try one more time to explain how important it is you have your family's support in dealing with the anxiety and getting better, and that you need her to stop sabotaging that. Maybe if it is in the written word, where she cannot interrupt you like when you're talking, it will finally sink in.

I'm not saying it's going to work, but in my opinion it's worth a shot.

bopper

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #19 on: January 03, 2013, 08:21:02 AM »
"Sis, I am returning this book to you for a number of reasons.   When you brought up the idea of bipolar, I wanted to make sure I had an open mind about it so I did in fact bring it up with my doctor.  He and three others who are treating me did not think that was my diagnoses.  I have been being treated for anxiety and my treatment is going well.  After starting on meds, I can now do X, Y, and Z where as before I was terrified to.   So I am returning this book because A) I don't need information on bipolar, and B) You need to back off of my medical concerns.  Bringing it up was appropriate, but continually harping on it after I have discussed it with my treatment team is not.  I don't want to hear you mention it again."

Just Lori

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #20 on: January 03, 2013, 09:29:56 AM »
Give her a self-help book for diabetics? When she protests that she's not diabetic, tell her she's wrong and you know best?

Somehow I fear she still wouldn't get it.

Would you feel comfortable allowing the family members to visit the doctor with you?  Let the doctor counter every concern they might have with good, solid medical facts.  Poke holes in their "I'm not a doctor but I play one on the internet" argument.  Let the doctor reiterate that you need family support, not a family who questions your professional diagnosis.

Regardless, I would make sure your doctor knows what's going on.

amylouky

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #21 on: January 03, 2013, 09:47:13 AM »
"Thank you, but I will go on the advice of my actual doctors."

For whatever.. comments, suggestions, when handing the book back to her.. and yes, I do think you should give it back. That is not a present, it's unsolicited (actually, actively unwanted) medical advice.


Eden

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #22 on: January 03, 2013, 09:50:50 AM »
I suggest "I won't discuss this subject with you".

Then don't.

This. And by "this subject" I mean any aspect of your healthcare, mental or physical. Your mom and your sister have boundary issues where this is concerned so you can't engage them on any aspect of that topic.

The next time they start in I'd say, "I appreciate your concerns for my health, but I will no longer discuss this with anyone other than my doctor." And any time they bring it up after that, "I told you I won't discuss this with you." And if they try to insist, "If you won't drop it, I'm going to have to leave/hang up." 

TootsNYC

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #23 on: January 03, 2013, 09:51:08 AM »


Would you feel comfortable allowing the family members to visit the doctor with you?  Let the doctor counter every concern they might have with good, solid medical facts.  Poke holes in their "I'm not a doctor but I play one on the internet" argument.  Let the doctor reiterate that you need family support, not a family who questions your professional diagnosis.

Regardless, I would make sure your doctor knows what's going on.

If I were in your shoes, I would ask my mom (but not my sister) to go to a visit with my doctor. And to ask my doctor to explain things to my mom.

INCLUDING having him explain that the constant barrage of contrary  medical advice, etc., is undermining your recovery.

And yes, I would give the book back to her.
That is not a present, it's unsolicited (actually, actively unwanted) medical advice.



TurtleDove

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #24 on: January 03, 2013, 10:13:08 AM »
OP, how old are you and do you live with either your mom or your sister?  Assuming you are an adult living on your own, I agree with the PPs who advised to not tell your mom or sister anything about your mental or physical health.  It isn't their business, and they don't seem focused on your health so much as their being "right" about it (as another PP pointed out).  Refuse to discuss it.

strawbabies

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #25 on: January 03, 2013, 11:51:12 AM »
...I agree with the PPs who advised to not tell your mom or sister anything about your mental or physical health.  It isn't their business, and they don't seem focused on your health so much as their being "right" about it (as another PP pointed out).  Refuse to discuss it.
POD!

OP, I'm sorry you're in this position.  I too struggle with GAD every now and then.  When I was younger, I also went through a nasty battle with depression, which my younger sister said was fake.  She was a freshman in college at the time, majoring in psychology.  I told her she should change her field of study because she could cause a patient to commit suicide with her attitude. 

She now has a master's degree in geology, and my father thinks she knows everything about everything just because she has a master's.  I'm back in school working on my bachelor's degree in business and working part time in a vet's office.  But in his mind, she still knows more about money, investing, and veterinary care than I do. 

BarensMom

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #26 on: January 03, 2013, 12:25:13 PM »
OP, I agree with Turtledove - they don't need to know your business.  Don't tell them ANYTHING further about your personal life.  Tell your sister to stop slandering you to your mother and others in your family.  She, being a lawyer, should understand that.

GAD and Bipolar Disorder are such radically different diagnoses, that I don't understand how she thinks 3 doctors could possibly be wrong.
 

Otterpop

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #27 on: January 03, 2013, 12:46:03 PM »
I agree with Barensmom.  Go completely silent from now on about your condition with mom and sister.  They are worsening your condition and filling you with false ideas/anxiety.  This matter is between you and your doctors.  If they bring up your health, bean dip, distract, change the subject, talk about pleasant, innocuous non-triggering things.

If you would like to discuss with others, find friends you can trust or a support group.  Otherwise, your family will sabotage your improvement (OP is there a history of this?)

SPuck

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #28 on: January 03, 2013, 01:02:07 PM »
I'd say stop the information train to your sister and your mother. They sound like they are hindering your functioning. As for a support system, yes it is important, but it doesn't need to be family.

Shopaholic

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Re: Playing doctor? How to respond..
« Reply #29 on: January 03, 2013, 01:03:28 PM »
I would give her back the book.

Anytime she brings it up I would reply with "remind me where you got your medical degree."
Anytime Mom brings it up I would reply with "remind me where she got her medical degree."

And if that doesn't shut them up, I'd read her my doctor's list of credentials.

Sorry, I find this incredibly annoying and pushy. My dad has a PhD and he thinks that qualifies him for making medical diagnoses. He once called me when I was in the ER and he was vacationing in Alaska to suggest "maybe it's a tumor" (It wasn't). But it had the lovely effect of sending his daughter who was writhing in pain into hysterics.