Playing doctor? How to respond..

[Ladybugs]

To above poster ,they do soumd similar..once they get an idea about somthing it lives forever. I wish I could lay the whole bp thing to rest, hire a minister to give a eulogy and wish it eternal.peace...bp, rest in peace lol complete with grievers like my mom in mourning over having to put bp to its final rest...candles, a eulogy etc.         

[MorgnsGrl]

I'm sorry I haven't had time to read all the replies, but I'm wondering if you've discussed this with your doctor? Maybe he/she would have some advice for you. You can't be the only person dealing with a family who thinks they're capable of diagnosing illnesses...

[AmethystAnne]

To above poster ,they do soumd similar..once they get an idea about somthing it lives forever. I wish I could lay the whole bp thing to rest, hire a minister to give a eulogy and wish it eternal.peace...bp, rest in peace lol complete with grievers like my mom in mourning over having to put bp to its final rest...candles, a eulogy etc.         

OP, I love what you wrote. I'll bring a big spray of memorial flowers tied together with a ribbon emblazoned with "R.I.P. b.p."

I had a weird mental scenario just run through my mind just now:
a law enforcement officer using the b.p. book as a target for practice at the machine gun range. 

[DottyG]

By the way, in the example of beandip above, you need to notice something else. Look at the initial phrase before the dip. It's the exact same. No deviation - you state that you are happy with the doctor you have and then beandip. You don't vary that first phrase. It doesn't matter if the person "accepts" the dip. You're not asking them to. You're stating a fact and then giving them the opportunity to follow you into a new conversation. Period. Whether or not they accept the dip, they will, eventually, tire of the monotony of your phrase and their not getting anywhere with their comments.

Do not thank her for the book and tell her it was interesting. Reread this thread. You've been told repeatedly why you should not do this.

[Ladybugs]

Doty
I will try the beandip thing, just keep repeating I'm happy with my medical care, or I have an excellent doctor, or one I like is "I let my doctors handle all of that"

The book thing im still thinking about, alot of posters suggested something along the lines of "what a fascinating book, it helped me understand how it is for bipolar people," or a simple "it was an interesting book" and then others suggested just not acknowledging it

[DottyG]

Why do you need to understand what it's like for bipolar people right now? And why does she need to be the one who teaches you? If you thank her like that, you're showing that she still has the upper hand over you and that you don't have any boundaries for yourself. While you're free to do that, I think learning how to stand on your own and not have her control you would be a healthier thing for you to strive for.

If you want to learn about bipolar conditions, it should be out of your own curiosity and with your own investigation.

[Mental Magpie]

Why do you need to understand what it's like for bipolar people right now? And why does she need to be the one who teaches you? If you thank her like that, you're showing that she still has the upper hand over you and that you don't have any boundaries for yourself. While you're free to do that, I think learning how to stand on your own and not have her control you would be a healthier thing for you to strive for.

If you want to learn about bipolar conditions, it should be out of your own curiosity and with your own investigation.

That wasn't the gist of what I was trying to say about actually reading it.  The gist was that it was interesting to learn about something that is so completely different than what OP was experiencing, making it a clear point as a thank you for the gift, and a segue into never bringing up it again.

[LeveeWoman]

I don't think a "thank you" is needed for an insulting, boundary-trampling gift. I'd just mail it to her. When she brings it up in person, I'd use one of the various bean-dipping techniques here.

[DottyG]

MM, and the OP may want to read the book to learn something new. But that needs to be her decision because she wants to know what bipolar is - not because the sister forced a book on her.

However, if she does read it, she shouldn't credit the sister for giving it to her. It was a rude "gift" (I really don't even consider it a gift). Doing so only shows that the sister was right and still has an upper hand in the topic.

[Mental Magpie]

I don't think a "thank you" is needed for an insulting, boundary-trampling gift. I'd just mail it to her. When she brings it up in person, I'd use one of the various bean-dipping techniques here.

Yet the OP kept asking how to respond to it and every time she posted what she was thinking about doing it, it was saying something to her sister about the gift.  I gave the advice I did based on that because it seems to me the OP is stuck on wanting to say something about the gift.


DottyG, I disagree that it shows the sister was right.

[DottyG]

My thought in reading the story was that she's trying to learn how to stand up for herself and learn some boundaries. She can pacify the sister if she wants, but it's not going to help her reach those goals. If she is insistent on thanking someone for a rude gesture, she can. But it's not going to solve her real problem here.

Similar to the many examples she's given of other such gifts (weight loss book for someone who's overweight but didn't ask for the book and other examples), thanking someone for walking on you just perpetuates the idea that you're a doormat able to be walked upon.

[LeveeWoman]

My thought in reading the story was that she's trying to learn how to stand up for herself and learn some boundaries. She can pacify the sister if she wants, but it's not going to help her reach those goals. If she is insistent on thanking someone for a rude gesture, she can. But it's not going to solve her real problem here.

Similar to the many examples she's given of other such gifts (weight loss book for someone who's overweight but didn't ask for the book and other examples), thanking someone for walking on you just perpetuates the idea that you're a doormat able to be walked upon.

WORD!

[Mental Magpie]

My thought in reading the story was that she's trying to learn how to stand up for herself and learn some boundaries. She can pacify the sister if she wants, but it's not going to help her reach those goals. If she is insistent on thanking someone for a rude gesture, she can. But it's not going to solve her real problem here.

Similar to the many examples she's given of other such gifts (weight loss book for someone who's overweight but didn't ask for the book and other examples), thanking someone for walking on you just perpetuates the idea that you're a doormat able to be walked upon.

That's not pacifying the sister, to me.  That's acting like the gift didn't bother you so that she runs out of steam in trying to get a rise out of you.

[DottyG]

Note that I'm not, at all, saying to be rude and call the sister names, by the way. I'm saying to just not say anything. If the sister asks about the book, the OP can then go into what we've talked about above - "The book didn't apply to me. I'm happy with my doctor. Did you see that Bowl game yesterday?! What a wipeout!"

[Mental Magpie]

Note that I'm not, at all, saying to be rude and call the sister names, by the way. I'm saying to just not say anything. If the sister asks about the book, the OP can then go into what we've talked about above - "The book didn't apply to me. I'm happy with my doctor. Did you see that Bowl game yesterday?! What a wipeout!"

I don't know where from the first part of your post came as I don't see that I implied that you were doing anything of the sort.  If it was just a thought you had as you started to post, OK, cool, but if not, could you explain why you included it please?  It's confusing me...


I think not saying anything does show it bothers her and that pretending like it didn't bother her is the better option.  Obviously, we disagree with each other, but that's OK, too.