Author Topic: I have not the words...UPDATE: Post #132  (Read 15385 times)

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VltGrantham

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I have not the words...UPDATE: Post #132
« on: January 03, 2013, 10:48:35 AM »
DD, 6, wanted to give her classmates presents prior to winter break.  I agreed she could give something small as long as it was neutral and not candy.  (Which they get far too much of in school already in my opinion.)

She opted to purchase each classmate an acrylic snowflake ornament.  I thought it was fairly neutral.  Obviously it's meant for a Christmas tree, but it isn't overly "Christmasy" and someone could hang it in their room if they wanted as a winter decoration or something.  They're fairly pretty and sparkle in the light.  I thought her choice was excellent.

We put them in flat white bags, tied with some silver and blue ribbons.  A little card that said "Have a wonderful winter break.  See you in 2013!  Your friend, DD" was attached.  All in all I thought we had done excellent in keeping them as uncontroversial as possible.

Yesterday was her first day back at school.  She returned home with a note that her teacher had given her.  I thought maybe one of the parents/kids had written a thank you note.  Boy was I wrong.  Boiled down, the note was a long sermon on how offended the parents were because they do not celebrate Christmas and its commercialization of the birth of Christ.  That their child was "traumatized" by having to give up his/her "present."  How rude we were to put them in that position.  (I noticed that they did not return the ornament though.)

I honestly don't know what to think at this point.  Why would anybody do that?  I'm kinda of the "let it go" at this point because I think if I did offer an apology, I don't believe it would be well received and I honestly don't know that I would be able to write one that would come across as sincere since I think the whole thing is rather silly.

ETA:  fixed spelling
« Last Edit: January 04, 2013, 12:50:41 PM by VltGrantham »

Shoo

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2013, 10:52:42 AM »
There's nothing you can do, so I think you should just forget about them.  There will always be people who will rain on the happiness and joy of other people simply because they choose to not participate in it and they begrudge it for others.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2013, 10:53:39 AM »
Given that the ornament and greeting was entirely non-Christmassy, I would say these people were looking to be offended and went out of their way to be offensive towards you.

Forget them, and never give them anything again.

Redwing

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2013, 10:54:24 AM »
I think I'd let it go.  How sweet of your daughter to want to give gifts to her classmates!

onyonryngs

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2013, 10:56:48 AM »
You gave them a Christmas ornament.  While it may not have screamed "Christmas" it did whisper it very loudly.  Offending someone's religious beliefs is not silly and they're entitled to those feelings.  At this point I would let it go and not give Christmas presents to the class next year.

NotCinderell

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2013, 10:57:22 AM »
Some people are looking to be offended.

I'll give you an example of how I have handled a similar situation.  I am Jewish.  One year a Christian friend sent me what was obviously a Christmas tree ornament that she had made herself.  It was a blue ball ornament covered in a blue and silver mesh that she'd knitted herself.  It was pretty, but I don't have a tree.  It was clearly made in Chanukah colors, and she was obviously being thoughtful.

So I hung it in my window, where it hangs every day,  and when I see it, I smile.

They could have done that, instead.

NotCinderell

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2013, 10:59:41 AM »
You gave them a Christmas ornament.  While it may not have screamed "Christmas" it did whisper it very loudly.  Offending someone's religious beliefs is not silly and they're entitled to those feelings.  At this point I would let it go and not give Christmas presents to the class next year.

Sorry, I don't see how giving someone a snowflake is offending someone's religious beliefs.  Snowflakes are not something that are exclusive to Christmas, the way that Santa Claus or even holly wreaths might be.  Lots of kids have pretty things hanging up in their rooms just to have them hanging up.  A snowflake is for winter.  It's a present for no reason.  I don't see the issue.

yokozbornak

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #7 on: January 03, 2013, 10:59:43 AM »
Ahhh, a snowflake for a snowflake.  It's fitting that they kept they gift, don't you think?  >:D

I would let it go and probably steer my daughter away from that friendship a bit.  They sound like wackadoos (said as a Christian who observes Christmas).

Shoo

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2013, 11:00:17 AM »
You gave them a Christmas ornament.  While it may not have screamed "Christmas" it did whisper it very loudly.  Offending someone's religious beliefs is not silly and they're entitled to those feelings.  At this point I would let it go and not give Christmas presents to the class next year.

In what way is giving a Christmas gift "offending someone's beliefs?"  All they had to do was throw it away.  They CHOSE to be offended.  The OP's daughter wasn't making a statement about their beliefs in any way.  All she was doing was celebrating hers.  Why is that offensive?

onyonryngs

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2013, 11:04:40 AM »
You gave them a Christmas ornament.  While it may not have screamed "Christmas" it did whisper it very loudly.  Offending someone's religious beliefs is not silly and they're entitled to those feelings.  At this point I would let it go and not give Christmas presents to the class next year.

In what way is giving a Christmas gift "offending someone's beliefs?"  All they had to do was throw it away.  They CHOSE to be offended.  The OP's daughter wasn't making a statement about their beliefs in any way.  All she was doing was celebrating hers.  Why is that offensive?

It's offensive because it was done at school.  It's fine to exchange gifts between friends, but when it comes to religious holidays and the classroom, you tread very carefully. 

Luci

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2013, 11:08:43 AM »
That is so sad. I hope your DD didn't get bruised by the whole thing.

You gave them a Christmas ornament.  While it may not have screamed "Christmas" it did whisper it very loudly.  Offending someone's religious beliefs is not silly and they're entitled to those feelings.  At this point I would let it go and not give Christmas presents to the class next year.

I hang ornaments on mirrors and windows a lot, using suction cups. Right now I am putting snowflakes in my picture window aroung the stuffed showman.

I am not offended if someone from another culture gives me something, even spiritual, from her heart, even if is does go against my personal beliefs. I know she is sharing, not trying to change my convictions.

I think it was a "Thinking of you" gift, not a Christmas gift.

OP already made it clear she and DD were understanding of others' possible feelings toward Christmas. Sadly, that one recipient didn't see it that way.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2013, 11:09:34 AM »
I agree that they chose to be offended.  The following is a story of how people could (and IMO, should) behave:

When I moved into my first apartment, it was in the basement of my landlords' house.  They were Muslim.  That first Christmas, I agonized over whether or not I should give them a gift.  And I agonized over the card to go with it, once I decided that I was going to give them something.  I very carefully chose a card that said 'Happy Holidays' and not 'Merry Christmas'.  Not only did I get a gift back from them (that I still use 22 years later), the card they enclosed said 'Merry Christmas'.

For the next 8 Christmas I lived there, I gave them a gift and they reciprocated.  I still send them a card now that I've moved away.  When I still lived in the area, I used to visit and take them some baking.  And she gave me some of their's that had been made for Ramadan, which was still close to Christmas at the time I left.
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Shoo

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2013, 11:10:42 AM »
I agree that they chose to be offended.  The following is a story of how people could (and IMO, should) behave:

When I moved into my first apartment, it was in the basement of my landlords' house.  They were Muslim.  That first Christmas, I agonized over whether or not I should give them a gift.  And I agonized over the card to go with it, once I decided that I was going to give them something.  I very carefully chose a card that said 'Happy Holidays' and not 'Merry Christmas'.  Not only did I get a gift back from them (that I still use 22 years later), the card they enclosed said 'Merry Christmas'.

For the next 8 Christmas I lived there, I gave them a gift and they reciprocated.  I still send them a card now that I've moved away.  When I still lived in the area, I used to visit and take them some baking.  And she gave me some of their's that had been made for Ramadan, which was still close to Christmas at the time I left.

True class.  I wish everyone behaved this way.

Sharnita

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #13 on: January 03, 2013, 11:11:25 AM »
I disagree.  They spend most of their waking hours at school, this is where their friends are.  This is the end of an old year, the beginning of a new one.  It is the longest break they have save for the end of the year altogether.  It makes sense for that to be the time to give the other kids a token of your affection of appreciation and affection.  When kindness and generosity are what get us in a twist over our kids' schooling maybe it is time to homeschool lest somebody accidentally compliment them or offer to help them.

oceanus

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Re: I have not the words...
« Reply #14 on: January 03, 2013, 11:12:47 AM »
I think I'd let it go.  How sweet of your daughter to want to give gifts to her classmates!

This.  Hope your sweet DD was not upset by such silliness.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2013, 11:14:18 AM by oceanus »